I have been caregiver for my mom for several years. She had a fall and a subdural hematoma about 6 weeks ago. They performed surgery and I am not sure this was the right thing to do. She was sweet afterwards and now she is crazy. I think my siblings have turned her against me.
We met with the doctor and priest with hopes of discussing her care. Instead they went into attack mode. It was horrific and the doctor walked out. Then they put a 30 day eviction notice on the door (illegal-law is 60 days) which is fixed now. This past weekend my oldest brother POA threatened me with foul language on answering machine. Came over unannounced with 2 sisters. I called the police as well as the neighbor.
The 3 oldest siblings have taken over and it is horrible what they are doing. They cut her phone off with no referral. I am sure friends will think she is dead, and I found out today she was moved from the rehab and they told me they cannot tell me where she is. They said my mom did not want me to know! Unbelievable!
The last couple times I saw her she was mean and accusing me of things like using her money! I think they are feeding her this garbage.
These are siblings that did nothing for her and all came together after this fall. I have done everything for her and they complained I mooched off of her. I am so sick I could scream. Let me tell you about the tears I have shed over this.
My caregiver counselor who worked with mental health patients, said my family is crazy. Has anyone ever seen this type of behavior? All 6, that I know of have banded together. So sick.
I have been advised by many to walk away and say good bye to my mom. That was the plan, but now I have no idea where she is. I plan on packing up and leaving the country for awhile. All the years of taking care of her and this is what I get? I remember someone told me years ago, I would be blamed regardless. How can this happen? These people who I find it hard to believe I am related to are really sick puppies!
Whoever started what, this is a very dysfunctional family mess. Turning your back on it makes the most sense.
I hope your mother recovers her former more congenial personality, though that may be unlikely with the involvement of her other children.
I hope you can take some satisfaction in knowing you have done the right things, to the best of your ability.
With the information you've given us here, I'd say you've made the right decision. Sometimes we have to be satisfied just knowing that WE did the right thing regardless of what others may think or say.
In my opinion, one against six is a futile battle to fight. I think you've made the right decision about leaving. Sometimes life is very unfair.
"Lay low for a while" would be my advice. And then try to reach out and make more sense of it all.
I am in a farawy place now listening to the crashing waves on the beach outside my door. I am grateful. I remind myself now. Things get better when one removes self from toxicity. Off for walk on beach.
I wish you the best. We have no control over what other people think or do. They justify their behavior. My sibs are very sick. I have been told this by professionals. They stuck together like gang members. To me that shows how weak they are. All 6 of them.
Update: I did go see my mom when I returned to the U.S. last year. She had been brainwashed and they turned her against me. I was successful in getting her back and for that I am forever grateful. We got to spend some good times together, though she was not in the best of health and had issues with memory and dementia. But she was still strong willed. When I had an interaction with the rich brother and wife last New Years, I was asked what I was doing there at her assisted living. I told my sister in law she was my mother, not hers! They continued to try to bad mouth me to my mom, but she told me I could visit anytime and so could anyone who wanted. Here my mom could tell the difference from right and wrong.
Sadly I found her this past August with a UTI and delirious (where were the sibs who bragged about being the DPOA's?) She was admitted to the hospital for 9 days, rehab for 3 weeks and hospice 3 weeks. She passed just over 3 weeks ago. I am very saddened to have lost her. I did not get to see her for the 8 months after her fall because of them, but glad I got her back. I will forever miss her, but I know what I did for her and so did she. Realistically, they hated the close relationship we had, even though we had our issues. I also believe they are jealous of me and my lifestyle and freedom which they do not have by choice.
I attended the funeral mass is all. Not the reception or burial. I just could not be around them. They are sick, mean and have to live with how they treated me. I have to learn to forgive them but would never trust them (as they have small minds) and continue on with the life I have and with the support from my friends who were there for me.
The will is in probate, so will see what becomes of that. They changed the DPOA (I was second in line) and Executor while I was away and the control freak brother, who was not listed, somehow got the attorney to put him in as primary. So, most likely the will has been changed too,as there were threats if I did not do what they wanted. I do not care. Doubt there is much left anyhow, since he enjoyed spending her money. And if I get nothing, I will not contest it. I want no contact with these toxic people.
I wish you the best. Be strong because that is what it takes. Stand your ground and do not let them tear you down! In the end, they will pay.
Our situation sounds very similar. They did keep me from my mom as they had no other control. The Narcissism was alive and well with one rich, controlling brother and the rest were just lemmings. Truly, they are to be pitied. My mom,like yours, was responsible, but now she is demented with brain injury, so that no longer matters. Take care of you.
I last saw my mom August 19, the day after my birthday. They were successful in keeping her from me, which shows the evil and sickness. I left the country to have my journey and healing. As difficult as things were, I find joy in my day to day.
Good luck!
Also look up malicious narcissist. One of my ts's fits to a tee, and bring money into it. OMG!
Oh and, yes Mom is still at home with me as her CG and will continue for the forseeable future as ordered by the judge. Three and a half years now. How much longer? Anything could happen and any day.
My mom did the same. It hurts but looking back from afar, I realize so much of it is them losing independence. And easier to lash out to the one who is closest. In your situation, I can see it would be tough being only child.
Truly amazing...our sibs must be related. My sis who did zilch for my mom called APS on me also. I had to call police on them when they showed up unannounced. I got the police video and she was telling the cops I was on drugs making up all kinds of garbage and my 71 y.o. brother who is POA told me what I could do with a dildo! Yup, lovely people. May they rot in hell. I walked away. As far as I know my mom still lives, but demented and angry. I hope they are happy with what they have done. Oh and turned my aunt agaist me too. And she knew better. But, I am in a better place!
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