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Hi. I am a caregiver (through an agency). I have looked after a lovely gentleman for morning and tea calls for nearly 5 yrs. He lives with his family. In the beginning probably at stage 3/4 he be up and down the stairs on his own to use the toilet. Now he is at stage 7 , has to be encouraged to eat his meals, struggles to see tablets in my hand in front of him, to put his dentures in, his mobility is becoming a little weaker, relies on support to walk from the bathroom to the stairs. The limbs in his hands have started to curve. I know as caregivers we empower them to keep motivated for good strength. At what point do we say to the family enough is enough? He shouldn't be using the stairs? He has a commode downstairs family refuse to let him use it.

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Welcome to the Forum, Maria.

You can only report to the family that you believe that he is no longer safe negotiating the stair. And you can only hope that they will listen to you. If they do not, the inevitable is likely to happen. I would let them know your observations, and as Sendhelp says, do discuss with the person you report to at your agency if you work for one.
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babsjvd May 2023
And sometimes it just takes an observation from an outsider or professional to reaffirm what needs to be done…
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How does the family refuse to let him use it? And why? How does he feel about that? Maybe your agency should discuss these things with his family because it seems cruel to make him climb stairs.

Perhaps he needs to see an eye doctor for an exam. If his vision isn’t corrected properly, that could be a reason for some of his issues.

I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this.
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It mind boggles me when family members stay in denial about an elders dementia diagnosis and pretend they can and should be functioning perfectly, in spite of all their disabilities! To insist this man climb stairs to use the toilet instead of using an "unsightly" commode is just ludicrous imo. We have to accommodate THEIR needs, not the other way around! If this family wants dad to "age in place", then it's their job to ALLOW it to happen properly w/o standing in his way. I think you should speak to his family about your observations and recommendations for his wellbeing also, in addition to letting the agency know your concerns. Its the right thing to do for his comfort, safety and overall wellbeing.

Best of luck to you
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Thank you all so much for your much appreciated answers to my gut instinct concern. I asked your advice in case i was being dramatic/ over thinking things. I spoke to the son who is his main carer months ago that he needs to be on ground level or kept upstairs where there is access to use the bathroom months ago. He rather have his dad climb the stairs in distress while trying to open his bowels then use the commode downstairs because he doesn't want to be emptying it and it will smell the room. Pretty selfish and yes cruel in my eyes, its all about their needs. Poor man. My heart is in my mouth when guiding up and down the stairs. Cares who cover me while i am off have also said it isn't safe for him to be using them. It has been reported, its the families choice and if anything happens to him it will be on their heads!
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