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Who are you caring for?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Since she is his caregiver, I'm assuming she has POA, MPOA, and is also his wife, which gives you zero rights. Try being nice to her, and she may let you see him. Don't even think you will be included in medical meetings (against HIPPA federal laws).
Build bridges to his wife, be nice to her, kiss up to her, get on the same team. This is your Dad. For get about the legal stuff. Use your God given common sense, soft skills, political skills, and work as a team with his wife to give your Dad some good human interactions.
Rights? All rights belong to the wife, including healthcare decisions. If you visit, do so in the common areas where there are witnesses to anything you say or do. That will protect you from false accusations.
JoAnn, you are so right about the "when your too old to take care of your spouse". My parents [90's] thought they could take care of each other, but in reality they were making it much worse for each other.
Now that my Mom had passed, rest her soul she tried, Dad is getting much better care and is finally gaining weight since he recently moved to a senior living center.
In a marriage the spouse makes the decisions for his/her partner. A child has no say in the decision especially if the deciding parent has the medical power of attorney. I hope all of you are aware that as a spouse without the medical POA the doctors and nurses don't have to talk to you. Husbands and wives have the right to keep medical info to themselves.
People on the outside don't really know what a caregiver goes thru on a daily basis. Did you visit so she could have some time to run errands or just have sometime to herself. Did you take him for a day? My Mom said they don't tell you when u marry the part about sickness and health, the sickness may come when your too old to take care of your spouse.
You can certainly go visit, unless someone is actively preventing you. If you are not listed on the "need to know" forms, drs and nurses won't share much, if anything with you.
I'd work on the relationship with dad's wife. Likely she was exhausted and overwhelmed. How much care did you, yourself do to help when dad got sick? It's really easy to swoop in and say "This is how I want things" when you haven't been involved. I'm not trying to guilt you, but I am saying that this is a common dynamic.
Best of luck. This is a hard time for everyone involved. Don't be surprised if dad's wife is defensive about her decision.
My partner removed his son and daughter in law from access to anything. In fact Hospice knew they were not allowed near him. We had an incident with them stealing and trying to hurt him physically and mentally. This is why the law protects patients from harm financially and physically and financially. I wont say it was smooth sailing when he passed as it wasnt. Aftet he passed, i had to take precautions. I will never understand why their had to be so much anomosity between kids and step parent. We choose our life partners, not our children.
You are so right about getting all the legal things done while parents and yourself are competent. I have mine done and it is comforting to know my children will have no roadblocks.
Many people don't realize the importance of taking care of legal papers as soon as there is the slight sign of dementia. Every thing must be legal & signed before a person cannot understand what they are signing. It's also important that it is well written which includes certain inclusions. Children get involved W your parents knowing this is done. Also never too early for you selves either.
Shelly, I see from your profile that your Dad has Alzheimer's/Dementia and I bet it reached a point where Dad's wife was overwhelmed, exhausted, and just couldn't continue to be your Dad's caregiver. She did the right thing if that was the case.
What would you want different in your Dad's caregiving. Did you feel he went into a continuing care facility too early? How often did you get to visit with your Dad at his home prior to him being moved?
Everyone should work as a team, but if some family members are taking opposite views on your Dad's care compared to what is being recommended and agreed upon, then maybe only your Dad's wife should be there to make the decisions. Sometimes it is hard for everyone to be one the same page... that is normal.
Being his daughter confers no particular "rights."
Any relative or friend can visit in a care center, unless there are reasons it is not in the resident's best interest -- such as always causing upsetting behavior.
Your father can authorize you to see some of his medical records, if he is still competent. If he hasn't authorized it, the staff cannot discuss his meds or diagnosis etc. with you.
As for the health care conferences, have you asked to be included? What was the response? Confidential material is discussed at these meetings so you probably need at least your father's consent. My sisters and I attend our mother's conference each quarter. If there is specific issue to discuss more than one of us will attend, otherwise we kind of take turns. I think my mother at one point said this was OK and maybe she signed something. Don't remember. If one of us asked to please restrict our mentally ill brother from attending the meeting I have no idea what would happen. It has never come up.
Being the daughter confers no special "rights" but if you visit a lot, in my experience it does build a cooperative bond with the staff.
You certainly have all the rights the public does -- such as visiting often and long, buying a meal to eat with Dad, etc. You don't automatically have the rights the general public doesn't have, such as access to confidential medical information.
See him? Yes! Attend his health care meetings? Maybe not.
What was your role in his life before he was placed "in a home"? What is the nature of your relationship with his wife? What kind of home is he in?
I certainly hope you can work this out to everyone's satisfaction, and in the best interests of your father.
You can still visit him if you're not specifically banned. Are you and his wife not on good terms at the moment so that you cannot talk with her about what is going on with your father?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Now that my Mom had passed, rest her soul she tried, Dad is getting much better care and is finally gaining weight since he recently moved to a senior living center.
I'd work on the relationship with dad's wife. Likely she was exhausted and overwhelmed. How much care did you, yourself do to help when dad got sick? It's really easy to swoop in and say "This is how I want things" when you haven't been involved. I'm not trying to guilt you, but I am saying that this is a common dynamic.
Best of luck. This is a hard time for everyone involved. Don't be surprised if dad's wife is defensive about her decision.
What would you want different in your Dad's caregiving. Did you feel he went into a continuing care facility too early? How often did you get to visit with your Dad at his home prior to him being moved?
Everyone should work as a team, but if some family members are taking opposite views on your Dad's care compared to what is being recommended and agreed upon, then maybe only your Dad's wife should be there to make the decisions. Sometimes it is hard for everyone to be one the same page... that is normal.
Any relative or friend can visit in a care center, unless there are reasons it is not in the resident's best interest -- such as always causing upsetting behavior.
Your father can authorize you to see some of his medical records, if he is still competent. If he hasn't authorized it, the staff cannot discuss his meds or diagnosis etc. with you.
As for the health care conferences, have you asked to be included? What was the response? Confidential material is discussed at these meetings so you probably need at least your father's consent. My sisters and I attend our mother's conference each quarter. If there is specific issue to discuss more than one of us will attend, otherwise we kind of take turns. I think my mother at one point said this was OK and maybe she signed something. Don't remember. If one of us asked to please restrict our mentally ill brother from attending the meeting I have no idea what would happen. It has never come up.
Being the daughter confers no special "rights" but if you visit a lot, in my experience it does build a cooperative bond with the staff.
You certainly have all the rights the public does -- such as visiting often and long, buying a meal to eat with Dad, etc. You don't automatically have the rights the general public doesn't have, such as access to confidential medical information.
See him? Yes! Attend his health care meetings? Maybe not.
What was your role in his life before he was placed "in a home"? What is the nature of your relationship with his wife? What kind of home is he in?
I certainly hope you can work this out to everyone's satisfaction, and in the best interests of your father.