My mom is 71 years-old with vascular dementia and psychosis that started 3 months ago. I moved her into my house for a temporary situation to begin medication management with a neuropsychiatrist and stabilize her from a mental health perspective. She is paranoid and delusional. Overall her symptoms have gotten much better.
I have the goal of having live-in care at her house. Currently she is receiving 8-11 hours of in home care at my house, but I’m burnt out and wearing down.
I’ve been trying to get my mom to her house daily for a few hours since she is more stable- almost like an adult day care situation and to give me a break as well as get her reacclimated to her home, but her house appears to be making her anxiety and depression worse. The paranoia may be a little worse too. I’m her “safe” person so she’s turned to me a lot the past 3 months for safety reassurance. I didn’t use to be able to go for a 30 minute walk and leave the house her anxiety was so bad so this is overall progress that now I can leave overnight (as long as she’s in my home). As an aside, she has the mental age of a 5-8 year old depending on the day.
Has anyone else encountered a situation like this? Any recommendations from a live-in care vs memory care perspective? I think my mom would be miserable in memory care and voiced she doesn’t want to go to a facility. I also think she’s too high functioning for memory care. I plan on calling her neuropsychiatrist this week to update him because he talked about changing up one of her medications if the last change didn’t work.
She was absolutely too afraid and convinced of various bizarre scenarios to even have been able to handle Assisted Living.
Mom was one of the higher functioning residents at her MC when she moved in.
It is such a sad situation, no matter where our moms end up living. It’s worth grieving. You matter too, and caregiving has to work for everyone, as our friends here say.
So all that to say this: I and my mother had a good experience with the small private Memory Care AL she was in. It was 3 miles away and I and DH were able to visit her frequently, take her some Italian meals from her fave restaurant, or homemade meals I'd cooked from home, bring her gifts and new clothes with matching costume jewelry, snacks, etc. Her doctors came directly into the MC which made life MUCH easier, and that included blood tests, traveling dentists, ex-ray techs, the whole nine yards. All her meds were ordered for her by the PA and delivered directly to the MC; there are a TON of resources at MC that people don't take into account; it's like one-stop-shopping for the elder, with 24/7 caregivers and nurses on site. I firmly believe my mother's life was extended to 95 precisely BECAUSE she had that level of care and medical attention focused on her at the MC.
See what the doc has to say, but no matter how many meds she's on, none of them do much of anything but keep the patient calm as the disease worsens and progresses constantly. There comes a time when in home care becomes quite unmanageable for most people.
Best of luck, whatever you decide to do.
Fortunately with a change of medicine and time, she has gotten better with me leaving for extended periods of time with the caregivers that she’s getting used to.
Has your mother been checked by a Geriatric Neuro-Psy doctor for Lewy Body Dementia?
Also I am a firm believer in "exercise" for everyone. My mother has an UpWalker Lite. It takes the edge off.
My mother, too, is too high functioning for Memory Care/Nursing Home and I am glad about that since it would break my heart and all the places are overworked, short-staffed and underpaid.
Mother attends a 4-hour per week morning respite session. I enrolled her in Speech and Physical Therapy. There is a fee for the facility, breakfast and lunch included an RN on duty at all times. The therapies are a co-pay through insurance. The ratio of care is 5:1. The staff are outstanding.
I have to be honest I think if my mother attended more than once a week she would back slide and start acting like the other attendees. It's sad because most of the people there have dementia and they had accomplished lives before the diagnosis.
I don't want my mother to start acting like one flew over the coo-coo's nest. So for our situation the (4) hours I can get the oil changed on the car, banking, etc. with peace of mind and mother is supervised.
My mother too had hallucinations, etc. She has Lewy Body and with the right medication she is able to walk around but could never live alone--can't do any of the tasks of daily living.
If you can find a "Geriatrician" neuro psy that may help and ask your local Church people to help out. When you go for a walk put a life line button on your Mom and also I highly recommend through your tv/phone/internet provider you can get a camera and a sensor on the door so should your mother leave a text will be sent to you with a photo.
Costs only $20 per month, well worth it.
You could start your mother with one morning a week. My mother is out of gas in the afternoon so the morning works for us. At the beginning it was like dropping off a little kid at school the first day but now she knows the routine.
I drive to and from because the bus they provide picks up others and my mother may have to use the bathroom. So I take her.
Good walking shoes, elastic waist pull on pants (Lands End) on sale all help.
I take Mom for a "tune-up" every (6) months at the Geriatrician...you have to keep on top of everything.
You are in my prayers!
"You know her well and can anticipate many problems which may make her appear higher functioning than she actually is. Take yourself out of the equation when considering her functioning objectively."
I see it often with my mom when we have visitors. She seems all put together and with it for about an hour. After the visitor leaves, mom goes straight off the cliff. Her brain just cannot sustain the immense work to maintain herself any longer.
Look into care homes, they are often cheaper than large memory care facilities, better staff resident ratio, more home like.
I agree mom is at the stage that she should never be alone. You need to find a safe, feasible and legal solution, for her and yourself.
Trying her home first seems reasonable as a plan A.
Plan B being memory care.