My aunt has begun accusing me of stealing because I bought her a fridge, at her request! She ha called family members and I'm not sure who else to say I am spending all her money. She is convinced that there was nothing wrong with her fridge and I am just spending her money. She alternates between telling me how wonderful I am and how I am stealing her money. She is perfectly nice and normal with everyone else, including her doctor. I worry that I don't know who she is telling these hateful things to and how to defend myself
I am having a really hard time with the nasty late night calls, but I can't not answer because I am afraid the one time I don't answer, it will be an emergency. She is a very sweet lady, until you cross her, then she cuts you out. I can't afford for that to happen, I am her main caregiver. Help, I am really having a hard time knowing what to do.
Accusations of stealing, paranoia are pretty typical in dementia, in certain phases. Are you her PoA? Are you keeping a good paper trail of transactions she asks you to make?
If you go to doctor appointments with her ( and somebody should be going with her) talk to the doctor about these symptoms. If she's living on her own, it's clearly past the point that that is safe.
Unfortunately, like many of us, you are in " waiting" mode. Something will happen, a fall, a fire, or she'll go running into the street and EMS/ APS will get called. Start looking around at Assisted Living places so you have an idea of what's available when the time comes, what services they provide and what the costs are.
I know it bothers you that she is talking to others. If you know the other people you can let them know what is going on. Chances are that they already know you're not to blame. I know that I recognize fabrications when talking to someone with dementia. I wouldn't worry so much about the people she talks to. All you can do is what is best for her and yourself.
I do wonder if maybe she would do better in assisted living. Living alone may not be so good if her mind is slipping. If you get tempted to live with her, I would say Don't! Her personality sounds like she would be very difficult to live with. (Take it from one who knows. :)
The caregiver is the one who usually gets the brunt of the bad behavior. Your aunt is able to put on a show for others (the Dr., other family members) but she can't maintain that mask for long. It's called "showtiming" and is a characteristic of dementia. You're around her the most so you see her when that mask slips.
As for the late night calls, that's what voicemail is for. If it is indeed an emergency your aunt will leave you a voicemail and you can call her right back if you want to. It's OK to ignore her call if she's calling too late and it's not an emergency.
Educate yourself and others on dementia. What you shared in your post are classic signs of dementia. Caring for someone with the disease is very, very difficult as you've experienced and it only gets worse in time, never better. It might be a good idea to come up with a Plan B if you ever get to the point where you don't think you can handle it anymore.
you should remember you must take of yourself .... a wise person told me 'it is selfish of you to not keep up with your own health & well being' meaning what would happen to your loved if you were taken very sick & in hospital or worse died ....... how often have you heard about the caregiver dies before the one needing care] - you need to save for your own old age too so do NOT deplete your chance of a gracious old age to pay for someone who was not careful of their's if that is the case - mom fortunately saved regularly
Another wise person told me to never to learn to give mom her insulin - the gov't agency will not give as much help if you are taking on that burden but then we live in Canada so much of that is covered if you can't do it yourself - thanks to the medical coverage we get [we don't understand americans who are against this]
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