My father called me this afternoon asking for help with my mother who has dementia. He is really struggling with her not going to the bathroom. They currently use pads and adult diapers but it has gotten to the point where she no longer is able to get to the toilet on her own and gets very upset at being reminded by him. Is there any sort of device out there that can remind her to get up and use the toilet?
There may come a time when it is realized that your mother is not going to be compliant with a family member trying to have her use the bathroom or get her brief changed. And/or it may become too much work and stress on Dad .
Dementia only gets worse in the long run .
Please keep an eye on Dad , I’m more worried about him .
If the link doesn't work, search for this on Amazon (and I think the Alzheimer store online has it too): TIMER PLUS 120 Minute Desk Visual Timer or "2 Hour Dementia Timer"
Using this used to actually "cue" my mom and she would usually get up and go on her own when she heard it. As time has passed, it has become our (we caregiving daughter/son-in-law) cue to convince her to get up and head to the bathroom (where she now needs help to accomplish the task). Even though it no longer helps her, it still helps us to keep her trying to use the toilet (which half the time she has already gone in her diaper, but half the time she can go on the toilet).
Every 2 hours.
He can connect it with something she likes.
First bathroom break in the morning she can get some juice or tea...
Second break a bit later some fruit.
Third Lunch time
Fourth maybe a walk around the neighborhood
Fifth a bit of fruit.
Another bathroom break after dinner and before bed. last check and change at bedtime.
It sounds like a lot but it keeps her moving and that helps blood flow and that helps prevent pressure sores
The strategies that others have posted are really good ones. Your Dad is now the only person who can change, not your Mom. He needs to come to grips with this.
My mom took care of my great-grandmother one summer. I recall that mom had the hardest time getting GG'ma to sit after she got her in the bathroom! As a child I found that quite strange.
Some things never change.
Moral of the story: Don't assume that your dementia person knows the basics anymore. Same thing with "Put your shoes on" if they don't know what a shoe is and where it goes. Same thing with "Take your pills" if they don't recognize those round objects as pills and don't think they've ever taken them before.
Incontinence is usually the breaking point where most decide to place their family member because the facilities have the staff and equipment to handle it. Toileting and bathing are hard to manage at home. To get involved in these very personal tasks for a mentally incompetent adult is totally different than managing it for a baby.
Best of luck.
My mum went through a short phase of getting angry with her husband and the carers when they prompted her to go to the toilet. If it starts up again, or any other behaviour that affects his mental health and/or temper, I will suggest that it's time for a care home for both their sakes.
It's going to be harder to get her up and going if she tends to sit on the couch all day so keeping her moving periodically is beneficial in more ways than one.
I tried suggesting whenever at regular intervals. (No, don't need to).
I tried suggesting whenever I went (No).
Mother disliked being asked by me. Made her feel like she was a child 😔. Also dislike asking for help to get there. Pride & dignity. I get that.
But diverting to the bathroom around meals or when up has been sucessful.
Life will be much easier for all involved if you just let your mother pee and poop in her diapers,
Your mothers brain is broken and it can no longer figure out when to pee/poop and when not too.
It's heartbreaking....I know. My late husband who had vascular dementia ended up having to get a supra pubic catheter placed because his incontinence was off the charts.
It's really not worth getting your mother or your father upset over this very common issue with someone with dementia. Caring for someone with dementia is hard enough without causing undue stress and strife over going to the bathroom.
Often incontinence is the straw that will break the camels back(especially when it's a husband caring for a wife)and will cause them to get their loved one placed.
Perhaps your father is at that point.
Best of luck to you