I recently got rid of the couch I've had for a decade. My mom is primarily the one who sits on the couch. Before getting rid of it, we went shopping and she picked out a couch that she thought she would like. Shortly after getting the new furniture she begged me to return because the cushions 'were too full and it was too tall'. I returned the couch and she picked out a second one. Then she begged me to return that one because 'it was too big and cushions were too narrow and it was making her depressed'. We are now on the third couch and she wants to return it because she thinks the cushions aren't firm enough and she doesn't like the fabric. I also got her an electric recliner and she is complaining about this, as well. She has been present at every shopping trip and picked out all of this furniture.
I'm done returning furniture at this point. I don't think she will ever be happy with what we buy. I'm annoyed and disappointed that every time I try to do something nice for her and make her happy, she finds something to complain about and ruin it. I spent over 3k on this furniture and she has turned it into an ordeal.
Her sister had complained about the mattress in the guest room being too hard. So MIL and bought an egg crate topper. I could not use the thing. I felt those points sticking me all over, even turning it over so the points were down didn't help. So I took it off the bed, rolled it up and put in the closet.
No piece of furniture is going to solve this issue, because it's the seat of the pants rather than the seat of the chair that's the problem. Nothing feels comfortable until your bottom has learned to make its natural niche in it.
On that problem I totally sympathise with your mother. I spent months choosing and co-ordinating fabric suppliers and furniture makers to create my perfect sofa. It cost a mint and was intended to be my forever piece, and the sad truth is that it is the most uncomfortable item it has ever been my lot to spend my evenings on and I hate it. And it takes up so much space I can't fit a separate easy chair in the room.
And the big dumb monster took a chunk out of the front door when I moved house.
Sometimes we really do have to live with our mistakes.
Remember Frazier when his Dad had that old beat up recliner held together with Duct tape? Frazier bought him a new one and Dad couldn't get used to it so he had to bring it back from the dumpster. Just can't make changes when u get older.
Give your mother a choice: keep the new sofa or don't, but you're DONE buying and returning sofas. And, if YOU are paying for this new furniture, I'd put a stop to that immediately! If she can't afford something, she'll have to go without it (unless it's a food item or something small like that). She must live within her means, just like the rest of us.
Good luck!
She has a recliner she loves and spends 90% of her time in that. The room is not large and removing the couch would free up a lot of space she could move her puzzle table into--leaving a little space for visitors to sit. Now, you have to stand during your whole visit and it's very uncomfortable. I made the mistake of trying to 'help her' when she complained about having no space, and suggested the removal and storage of about 50% of her furniture. She blew up at me--and I once again realized that she doesn't want SOLUTIONS she likes to complain and then sigh and say 'oh well, it's not like anyone cares'.
You're like me in that you want to make things all better---and we pretty much always 'fail'. Right?
When someone has Dementia, you make no changes. They like the familiar. Maybe the old couch "fit" her after years of sitting on it.
She wants something to complain about and a way to project her orneriness. When you eliminate an elder's sources for complaining they will come up with new ones. For example, my mother complained incessantly from the time my sister and I were little kids about how hard she had to work. That we never helped with the housework (which wasn't true) and that no one ever did yard work. When I took over the housekeeping the place is immaculate. The yard looks like we have professional landscapers.
Now she complains about it. That the house is like a museum and a home is supposed to look "lived-in" (which is the nice way of describing filth and squalor). These days the yard isn't important. These were her big sources of complaint for decades.
Your mother like mine will find anything to complain about. They will find something to instigate a fight about or make a fuss over. It doesn't matter how ridiculous it is. Your mother is enjoying herself. She probably liked all of the furniture and had no problem with it. She likes complaining about it more though. She enjoys the stress and anxiety that it causes everyone because the house has to put upside down with furniture going in and out.
Complaining about the furniture is more important than the furniture.
Try a little tough love and stop humoring her. If she complains about the furniture again tell her that she can sit on the floor. Then walk away. Pay her no attention when nonsense complaining starts up. Ignore her when instigating or orneriness are in the air. Walk away. This is what I do. Now, my mother's new source of complaint is that no one cares about her and that I barely speak to her. There's a reason for this. I ignore this nonsense. It's a gift for her though. Now she can complain about me to anyone who will listen which is fine with me. So long as I don't have to listen to it. You might try doing the same.
Some change their mind like the wind, some want to complain for entertainment, some really just dislike change.
I think I'd drop her off at the furniture shop on opening & collect her at closing time. She can try ALL the couches all day long, he he. Then choose one you both find acceptable for comfort/price & keep it.
If she complains again, like the soup guy from Seinfeld "no couch for you!"
Complaining for entertainment. You nailed it.