I have two brothers. One brother has POA and is the executor of my mom's estate. He also handles her investments and finances. At this point he is not sharing any information with me or my other brother about any of this. I would like some information in the event he were to pass away before my mother, or he he is unable to carry out his responsibilities. Do most families have a back up plan? How do you handle these things? He is unmarried and has no children. As far as I know he is the only person who knows anything regarding my mothers affairs.
I held a family meeting with the 5 kids and determined who wanted the backup POA and medical proxy roles and thought they could do them well.
I don't keep the alternates informed of our finances, but they are not very complicated. If I'm incapacitated the designated person will probably be able to figure it out quickly.
I do keep everyone informed of health issues.
Let us hope that your brother is keeping good documentation.
Is your mother mentally competenet (by legal standards) to add alternate POA names now?
Yes, there can be backups for the Health Care proxy, too. In my opinion, one person should have decision-making power for health at a tme. Decisions may need to be made quickly, and assembling a committee can be ugly. But I also think it wise to have backups specified. All backups should be specified by your mother.
All said, my problems go back to childhood and her narcissistic game playing. However, without those alternates, I would have to seek guardianship for her if he should die. You do not want to have to do this. It is expensive and time consumming and no gurantee it will be you appointed.
I have explained all of this to my Mom and brother and they still tell me nothing. it has been really ugly. You may think I am not a responsible person, or just not intelligent or have taken money from her. None of this is true about either my brother or me. The problem lies in in her.
Good luck to you, try to get her to understand the expense guardianship would cost you and then ultimately her. Google seeking guardianship. It is the last thing you want to have to do.
My one brother is suffering from MS and can't handle his own affairs so he really doesn't care what I do. Her house is in her name and my brother's name. I am paying all the maintanence fees on the house now. What happens when she dies? If the house is not sold do I keep paying the maintanence, taxes etc?
I don't know, but I would think that as soon as Brother becomes the sole owner of the house he also becomes solely responsible for the costs of upkeep, sales, etc.
Your job as POA is over when your mother dies.
As joint owner on her bank accounts, when she dies anythig left in the accounts becomes yours, right? Is that what your mother intends -- one brother gets the house and you get anything left in the accounts? Is there anything else in her estate that needs to be distributed?
Is it possible that she will run out of funding before the end? Is she on medicare? Have you applied. Does she get a monthly income of some kind? (SS or pension, etc.) You know her financial situation. If you think she might run out of funds, take action, regardless of your brother's comments.
Good luck.
Right now he does her a BIG favor by calling her once or twice a week and visiting once or twice a year!
She once told me that I should get everything but I know that was just because I am always there for her. She still has enough assets to pay her 24/7 for another year or so. She will be 96 in May, legally blind, hard of hearing, incontinent and barely walking. Who knows how long she will live. Hopefully she will not outlive her money.
Thanks for all your help