I recently became my friend's mom's power of attorney.. My friend and I grew up together since we were 7 yrs old. Her mother and my mother are friends and both are 93 yrs old both has dementia. I'm trying to take care of both of them. I'm getting some resistance from my friend which is physically and mentally challenged. I believe she is jealous of the relationship her mother and I have.
The aide that I referred them to, seems to helps but I don't trust her. My friend's mom goes to the bank and have been hiding thousands of dollars in the apartment, the aide finds the money and she do give it to my friend. But I don't know if she gives her everything that she's finds.
They have her mother signing checks and I think my friend has her mom sign the checks to be enough for both her and the aide. My friends mother thinks she don't have enough money and it's hard getting money from her.
Since I have power of attorney I want to stop the checks and pay the aide through CashApp or Zelle, and give my friend a $200 week allowance cos she's on disability. That would alienate the need to write checks. My friends mom have over $200.000 in the bank. I want to make sure she's getting the right care. She don't qualify for medicaid.
I don't know how to tell my friend I have POA. I want to include her in the bill paying and decision making, so she won't feel like I'm taking over.
How should I tell my friend about the POA?
Tell your friend : "Your mom did not want you to have to worry about paying bills and making tough decisions. She asked me for help with making those decisions and doing paperwork."
I would go to the home and go through everything. See if you can find hidden money.
Instruct the aide not to take her to the bank anymore.
Remove checks, bank books and any other sensitive documents from the home or get a safe that only YOU have access to.
Find another aide that you trust.
This is my friend's mother at the time the aide worked for my mom and I for a week. My friend's mom needed help that's why I recommended her.
My friend likes the aide. It might be hard to go over her heard and fire the aide. But I might do it anyway.
As to the rest of all this, when you are POA you can access legal help to manage your difficult and much needed work for the person who has assigned you to this fiduciary duty. Their money pays for needed professional help. I would take your questions to an Elder Law Attorney. A Forum is all well and good but when you are undertaking legal fiduciary duties it is best to have professional advice for your questions. I sure wish you the best.
Second, you must be *very* informed and careful about how you manage this woman's money or else your friend may one day decide to accuse you of financial abuse or mismanagement and then a legal battle may ensue. This can all be avoided if you meet with a certified elder law attorney and learn what record-keeping is required to do what is legally correct and above suspicion. This appointment can be legitimately paid for out of this woman's funds.
Third, you *are* taking over, as this woman planned and desired. Your friend not liking it may be a result of her being "mentally challenged". Also, money and greed changes people. You are not legally obligated to disclose what you are doing on this this woman's behalf or why, nor should you. But privacy may come at a cost to your friendship since greed and jealousy may cause her to view you differently.
Finally, you need to take this woman to her bank and set up PoA there so you have full authority to manage things, and the bank sees she is not capable therefore no one else should be taking her there but you. Banks are very sensitive to financial abuse of seniors. In no way should she be withdrawing cash and hiding it or giving it away -- this may endanger her ability to qualify for Medicaid or be able to afford to pay for necessary care. She may not qualify *now* but if she's wasting or losing money, or paying for very expensive care, the chances of her needing Medicaid in the future is very possible -- so you need to protect her ability to qualify.
What I did with my MIL is I had my husband take her somewhere while I searched the house and took all checkbooks, secured all private and sensitive information (IDs, passport, investment info, passwords), and gathered all bills so I could set up auto BillPay.
You should set up online banking for her, make sure her mail goes to a different location (like your home or a PO Box), set up alerts on your mobile, and don't let her have credit or debit cards. Give her 1 pre-paid card that has a low limit. Then move most funds to her savings account and only leave enough in her checking to pay for bills. Hide, remove, secure anything of value that could be easily stolen, like her jewelry. I bought a fireproof safe for my Mom that she keeps in her closet, locked all the time, and I keep the keys. It being in her house where she can see it helps her accept this arrangement.
You can tell your friend this is what the attorney advised you to do. Your friend is not automatically privy to any of this knowledge, so be very careful what you tell her. You're are acting in *her mother's* best interests, not hers. What your friend thinks or feels is not relevant to how you carry out your PoA responsibilities on this woman's behalf.
Thank you so much for the advice. As soon as I get another aide in place. I will let that one that I don't trust go, no matter how much her daughter likes her. I will also contact an eldercare lawyer.
Do you have a legal document that says your friend's mother had made you POA for her? Did your friend's mother sign said paperwork [just worried due to the fact that she has dementia and the stage that she is in], was the paperwork signed in front of a Notary?
Who prepared the Power of Attorney? Was it taken off the Internet? Or did you and your friend's Mother visit an Attorney who then drew up the paperwork?
Any information would be most helpful.
I don't feel her daughter and aide are the right people to take care of her. I see what's going on.
She's like a mother to me since I was 7 and now I'm in my 60's. It bother's me, If anything it's her daughter and aide that's are the elder abusers.