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My brother has control of my mother. My sister and I have guardian of her assets,bills,care of house,Taxes,legal bills, room and board. Her house is 10-11 hours from my house. My brother decided my mother was too much for him after 3 month. My sister and I begged my brother not to put her in a nursing home, give her to us, but he said no and he is her guardian, so he can do what he wants. We were the only ones responsible to sign the contract because we are guardian of the money spent. We are not allowed to take her out for anything. We can only see her at the home. We go a couple times every week for about 3-4 hours. We try to stimulate her make her walk read and sing with us etc. He will visit 1-2 times a month for 10-15 minutes. We are now in a law suit to take guardian away from him. What money, my mother has is being spent on legal fees. He will not give us mom. He is being vindictive and my mother is paying the price.he has now taken the SSN that we used to pay her R&B,house bills,legal, clothing, depends, and his lawyer has ordered us to show all of our accounts investment,mortgage, etc.even my children & husband & also my mothers. He said this is only the beginning.he will make our lives hell for challenging him. I now have to put security on the outside of my house. My mother is losing hope of us getting her out and she has become complacent. She has fallen twice. Now she has no spirit, they have broken her. All she said is "what ever" or " I do not care." I have told her we are fighting to get her out and she said when and how soon, then she wants to leave now. And I have to tell her we are waiting on the judge. I do not know if we will win. My poor mother is suffering because of family dispute. My brother refuses to give up his power. I cannot believe he really cares about her or he would not do this. This legal fight had completely broken up our family.
If I ask him about my mother's health, he is threating me with a restraining order so I cannot ask about my mother. My lawyer thinks that this is a power struggle with him. I am 59, my sister is 57, and he is only 48 and his wife is even younger.

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Please let me be the Devil's Advocate for a minute. Your mother has Alzheimer's. People with dementia can be very challenging to manage long-term. They can often look normal for a few hours -- something called show-timing -- but people who are there all the time know different. Is there a chance that your mother is where she needs to be?
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I can tell you right now that if he is the guardian, it is his responsibility to find here safe accommodation, which he has. As POA you MUST pay those bills, and if this goes to court, neither one of you will be the guardian, the Judge will appoint an impartial third party, usually an attorney. Judges are really good at reading into whether this is about money or care. Your refusal to pay for her care will be interpreted as hoarding assets. Judges don't like that.
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I agree with Standing Alone.. You are wanting to take on a great responsibility.. The financial responsibility is immense.. If you need to work outside of the home then you will have to pay someone to stay with Mom 24/7..

Leave her be and visit her often she is being taken care of and all her needs are being met..
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Adult Protective Services
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I find it puzzling that you and your sister have financial authority over your mother and he was able to sign papers to admit her to a nursing home. That would mean has financial responsibilty for her bills. Did you sign for her nursing home admission? It is not clear in your statement. If she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers has she been declared incompetent? When you say you have guardian of her bills etc... do you mean POA? I hope you have already contacted an Elder Law attorney.
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Your brother shot himself in the foot. If you two are so hell bent on taking mom on, I personally would have let you. You should direct your sister here and you should read, read, read about all that's involved in taking care of an alz patient. You DO realize that soon enough your mom won't be able to go anywhere, right? Or do anything? There will be no outings. There will be no walks. There will be nothing but 4 walls 24/7 for the caretaker and the patient. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that any doctor in the world can do to STOP the progression of alz. Sure, it can be slowed some, maybe, but it will just keep getting worse and worse and worse no matter what anyone does. If your mom declines enough, and she will, it will be torture for her if you keep pushing her to do things she just CAN'T do anymore. Eventually she won't be able to read, play games, walk, or anything else, no matter how much you and your sister may wish it otherwise. Alz patients get to a point where they can't do anything at all for themselves anymore and before you know it you're dealing with an 83, or whatever, year old toddler. Whoever has her in their home will become housebound with her and it's a 24/7 job. There is no time off, or day off. Taking care of an advanced alz patient will consume your life. It will become your life. And nothing you do at this point in time will turn back the clock.

I understand your pain and I'm really sorry. But honestly, I think you need to seriously research all that goes into taking care of an alz patient. Read some of the posts around here and you'll know what to expect. Your mom will NOT get better and I'm sorry to say it. It'll just keep getting a lot worse. You need to mentally prepare yourself for that and know it. If you honestly believe that your mom will somehow get better being in one of your homes, I'm sorry to tell you that you're mistaken. By all means take her in if you're determined. Anyone would prefer being home with family to a NH. But understand, too, what you're going to be facing in the future and get ready for all the changes. There will be many.

Best of luck!
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he needs a visit by aps. theyre specialty is informing people that they are in the hot seat. stress to aps how much your mother needs you, and how little bro is actually doing ( or even capable ) of doing for her.
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I think you need an Elder law attorney ASAP. There are many issues here that only a lawyer can sort out. The issue of split guardianship is complicated.You being financial POA, would represent your mother in her behalf. It is imperative an evaluation be done to diagnose if she is incompetant. You have the "power/ authority" to have the primary doctor treating her to request the evaluation, even if she has to be transported for the evaluation. Get on good rapport with docs and staff. . The nursing home obviously won't care who pays as long as they get their money. There are many issues here and you need correct advice. They have admitted to you they are uncertain about split guardianship.... that is a red flag!
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Oh, and to add, laws are different from state to state. Someone recommended a site called AVVO. I have used the on 3 occasions with fantastic results! You can find an Elder Law attorney who gets high ratings and are close to you. You can ask a general question about dual guardianship etc..... and a lawyer will give you an answer.
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Why was your brother granted guardianship by a court over your mother and not your or your sister?
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