I have been home taking care of my mom with dementia for 2 years now, and just this past week started back to my old job and my problem is, the boss and co workers don't think I should have taken the timeout for my parents and even seem angry that I did. My mom was bedridden from hospital stay for 8 mos., and my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on hospice. I would have stayed at work if I could and had the help but I didn't and I just didn't see my poor dad changing my mom or taking care of her wounds when he was left with no energy. He tried changing my mom one day and I saw him try his hardest and he just couldn't. It was the scariest I've ever seen. How life changes so fast. But anyways back to no compassion. I've heard a few say that they would have never quit their job and it was dumb to do because we have children and everyone is faced with it but would not go to that extreme. I love being Me, and I don't regret my decision but I hate all the critisism. I am at a loss of words for these people. I just couldn't do it. Yes, I have children but I also love my parents. I just don't get people. Yes my annual salary cannot be recovered but my heart is full of love and compassion and patience and that came with my role as caregiver. I still take care of my mom , she lives with me but I had to get some insurance for me and my family. I am 40 yrs young and my mom is still at home with me and family but I haven't left my caregiver badge because I am still a big part in this. A price too few, people will pay but it doesn't mean I am not the same person. Well I am but far more better qualities then before. I just hate the finger pointing and the misunderstanding that I (took a long vacation). but by all means it has never been a vacation. Any caregiver will back me up on this one. Our pay does not come in monetary form but spiritual. But why do people shrug it off like it's no big deal? Just wondering if anyone has advice or been through what I am going through
I no longer care what others think of me either, especially selfish and uncaring siblings. I get my appreciation, thanks, pleasure and acknowledgement from my mom and her husband on a daily basis. As well as neighbors that understand the situation much better than other family members. To say nothing of doctors and other people that we have regular interaction with. This is definitely a job that requires a tough skin. And what is it that they say, what doesn't kill us will make us stronger?
The old folks are most often put into facilities because there is not a family member that is willing to care for them. We could learn one very important thing about the oriental cultures, they have much more respect for the elders than we do in this country. The elders are respected and admired and have life long learning to share and do not hesitate to.
I can not count on my sister, can't talk to her about anything.
When she leaves for work, I come in and become full time caregiver for grandpa and then I have to take grandpa with me when I pick up my son from school. I also juggle being a single parent. My son doesn't like being around his great grandpa because of his mental illness. My dad who is at home and recovering from his surgery can not care for my son and my son can't fend for himself yet.
What keeps me going is faith. If you believe there is something bigger out there than your problems and you give your problems to your higher power like "God" or whatever it is you believe in, then it helps.
-Walk a mile in my shoes, or... don´t talk.
- I can yell, but what I do, is my bussiness...
Anyhow, we caregivers are intrinsically alone... even if we are together
Greg's Mom
*wink wink nudge nudge* :D
Is that your real name btw? It's pretty. :)
Send you a big hug
Of course most of us are doing more or less the same. But this IS aforum, and also a place to cry ando to listen, and to call what canot be call outside. We understand our problems, that is why we are here. Otherwise is of no use. Of course we have to tell what we are doing, to make a sort of an echo, a reverberating sound to reasure ourselves. We do not cry for bravado. We cry for desperance, for impotence.
Note: I wrote something wrong, I wrote AD meaning Alzheimer Disease. Today has being confirmed by a set of Neuropsychology tests. Confirming the previous clinical diagnose by an internist and a neurologist. Pitty on us... a great hug to all
Not us who you are referring to. But , no offense, but your post seems rather snarky. JMO.
I cannot answer your question specifically but I hope a few quotes can help you.
Jesus said, if you were of the world, the world would love you, but rejoice for I have taken you out of the world.
Winston Churchill said, You have enemies, that is good, it means you stood for something, some time in your life.
God bless.
2. If I lost sleep over what others said or thought about me during my lifetime, I'd be in the insomniacs hall of fame.
3. Caregiving is about the most difficult job ever known to mankind. Even if the rewards are many and loving, it's still a heartbreaking endeavor. Therefore, I don't understand why people keep saying "they'll get theirs" or "their day will come". IMHO, it just isn't your call. If you've suffered through caring for someone, why do you want others to suffer? Wouldn't it be truly showing compassion to say "I hope they never have to do this difficult job, I wouldn't wish it on anyone else"? And how do you know others, just because you think they don't agree with what you're doing, will never show their loved ones loving care when the time comes. I think there's a little too much judging going on.
Most of us put our pants on one leg at a time. We are real. Our hair isn't brushed, there are dishes in the sink, and we are avoiding bill collectors. We are tired, cranky, and sometimes or even often we get annoyed with the people we are caring for, whether we love them or not. We don't brag about what we do. It especially makes no sense to brag about what you are doing in a place where everyone else is doing exactly the same thing.
If English is not your native language, I applaud you for knowing two languages, something most Americans don't know.
Seriously, though, your true friends will stick by you no matter what the circumstances are, and those "fake friends" quickly will shun you @ a moment's notice. I wish you all the best in the future. Mental illness is a serious issue. So is decreasing cognitive abilities leading to dementia/Alzheimer's. AD I'm taking refers to attention deficit disorder. I hope that your wife gets the help she needs and that her life improves. All the best :-) Wayne
All the others living in the same city, just became absent. And I don´t want to call them. Even if my wife talks about.
What I am doing is to open new circles, we are beguining to participate in a circle of artisans, another of yoga, and some water time in a swimming pool (she does not swim much. Also we are changing our habitual places of entertaining. This has being intyeresting to her, has shown different people and enviroments.
And is missing less our known friends. I expect that after a while, after digesting the situation, we will have them back, or we will have new aquatences and will not miss them.
Let us hope for the best