I feel like I’m being taken to the cleaners - paying thousands a month for mom's care. I questioned why so much they say 3 square meals, a bed, 24/7 nurses & CNAs. I get that but seriously?? The total nursing or CNA care she gets per day is maybe 4 hrs per day. Oh wait she gets tv with 10 channels lol. Just really venting here. Anyone feel this way??
On another note I feel super guilty if I don’t visit everyday - it’s getting too much as her 6 week prognosis has turned into 5 months and counting. How do I handle this?
I spent more than 5 years (daily, on average 8 hours/day - until her departure in June of this year, 2022) caring for my severely limited mother in a nursing home of a self-proclaimed "high end" continuing care retirement community where my mother had a Life Care contract (search for Vi Living). My mother was grossly neglected before I left my career and home and moved 3500 miles to care for her after I visited and found so many things wrong. For example #1 (of many I could share): When I was there to visit before I moved there, I asked the nurse what was going on with my mother's hearing, because I noticed she could not hear me unless I was in front of her. The nurse was unaware of any issue. The doctor stood 18 inches in front of my mother and asked if she could hear him. I took my mother to an ENT doctor and he removed at least 1/2" of wax out of each of her ears. Then she could hear fine. Of course, the facility did nothing to educate the staff or inform them that any unresponsiveness was due to her hearing, not her cognition. For example #2: A few months after I went back home to put my life in order so I could move, my mother started talking about Larry, who she was going to marry, who she was going to take trips with, etc. All my siblings heard about Larry - who was an imaginary friend or a spirit guide. Did the facility have any awareness: No. My mother was so emotionally and psychosocially neglected, she had to conjure up a companion. Once I arrived, Larry was never spoken of again.
BTW: In addition to the hundreds of thousands of dollars paid for the Life Care Contract (effectively a long-term care policy, for Life, but limited to one facility - the community's), my mother paid approximately $10,000 a month for a private room ($4500/month for the 1st year and half in a semi-private room, while she was on the waiting list for a private room).
I advise staying away from nursing homes whenever possible. Metaphorically they are warehouses for the elderly, bad zoos, prisons, or the like. Owners, management, and most staff treat residents as 3rd class citizens who have few rights. Most of the public shares that perspective. Yet, in fact, the resident's space is their HOME. They are entitled to the basic rights of every other citizen in their home.
There are extensive laws to protect residents (42 CFR §483) -- but NOBODY knows them or seriously enforces them.
The system is horrific, but in this country money talks so the compassionless profiteers get away with it.
Within the next few months I intend to have a website built -- adding as I have time -- excerpts from "our" story.
Everyone already knows this.
You were fortunate enough to be able to quit your job and relocate to take care of your mother. Most people can't do that.
For most people a nursing home is the only option because they cannot afford round-the-clock homecare (which Medicaid does not pay for and almost everyone ends up on Medicaid if they live long enugh). They don't have the resources to make mom or dad their life 24/7. Many didn't have wonderful parents who deserve an adult child to ever consider that.
Everyone has a nursing home horror story. Everyone pretty much knows avoiding a nursing home is best. Every person in a nursing home needs someone on the outside advocating for them and making sure they're decently cared for.
I hope it is mom and not YOU who is paying the Nursing Home. Mom's resources, including Medicaid, should be supporting her medical and housing needs.
Imagine the property tax for the building/land that the facility sits on. There is also building insurance and liability insurance in case someone, be it a resident or staff, gets seriously hurt while on the premises.
There are other "contractors" such as a contract with a private ambulance service. Contract with a lawn mowing/landscaping company for weekly mowing and for snow removal.
Cost of cable TV service with outlets in many rooms, cost of those TV's, cost of telephone service for the building. Cost of internet service and all the laptops used by the staff.
If you think your grocery bill is high, imagine what it would cost for a senior facility doing 3 meals a day, plus snacks for inbetween. And managing special diets.
Cost of the laundry service or having commercial size washers and dryers, and the housekeeping staff that goes from room to room.
There are other costs connected with a nursing home, same with Assisted Living/Memory Care. But this gives you idea what the monthly cost is so high.
When my Dad had 3 shifts of caregivers at home, it was costing him $20k per month, yes per month. Dad was happy to know that when he went into Memory Care it was $7k a month, which felt like a real bargain for him.
Who can afford to pay sometimes up to a thousand a month or more for a LTC policy?
Who can do this when they're raising a family they have to provide for and have bills to pay?
Nursing homes, hospitals, and any other service associated with care should not be allowed to charge what they do for services.
After 1.5 years she had a medical event requiring hospitalization, rehab and was medically evaluated that she required to go to a SNF. She was transferred initially as a private resident costing $15K per month. 2 years later all her money was spent and we applied for Medicaid.
Here is a chart by state what SNF charge.
https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/nursing-home-costs/
I have NO issue with these fees. My only wish is that the medical staff - nurses and aides are paid fairly for what they do. These facilities must be staffed with the appropriate medical staff to cover 24 hr /7 days including holidays. Frankly, these healthcare workers are saints IMO for what they do considering the huge profits some of these facilities make as businesses. I do wonder where that $15K per month goes as I do not think it is spent on the healthcare staff IMO who deserve it.
I would not be able to provide this care level at home plus the medical monitoring, etc. Our mother is seen weekly by the staff physician - how could I possibly provide doctor evaluation at home with a wheelchair bound disabled elderly person? She is where she needs to be at age 95.
I've been in the nursing home and now I'm at home with aides. Home is more expensive and a lot more problems. I may make the decision to back into facility care.
Yes, this is expensive, but if your mom has only a few months remaining, I pray you have the resources to provide what she needs.
As others mentioned, there are other costs involved besides the immediate ones you see - utilities, taxes, insurance ( a biggie), building interior and exterior maintenance, equipment, laundry, etc etc. All these add up and have to be paid to stay in business.
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