Well this is my 3rd attempt and if I lose this message I'm done. I've been caring for my mom for 16 + yrs and she just turned 100 this past May. I get one fire out and another one pops up. At 70 I'm just struggling to get thru this last phase of life while I sit and watch my siblings living life. They very seldom ask if there is anything they can do. They know theres plenty to do. I've had several breakdowns. Wonder why? And I tell them but still they have a blind eye. Mom has been in pain with her back for the last several weeks. Doc took xray and saw nothing and after still complaining they did an MRI. He found arthritus but that's all. They put her on prednisone and she felt so much better for two days and now shes back to moaning and moaning and moaning. I have put ice, heat and pads behind her back and NOTHING helps. The doc said he doesn't want to put her on pain meds because at her age if would be risky and she would fall. So what do we do? After giving my life up for 16 + yrs I don't want to put her in a NH that last phase of her life. I'm at a loss. I feel angry all the time and cry a lot. My siblings know what I deal with but yet are not around. I'm in counselling working thru the anger and I had a good two weeks them boom I seemed to have regressed and I'm angry at the world again. If I hear her moan one more time I think my head will explode. I feel like an unloving daughter. I don't like how I feel but can't seem to rid myself of these terrible feelings. i run to Kroger for a few groceries and that's my respite all while she counts the minutes I'm gone. Why are siblings so blind? Any suggestions are welcomed. God has to give me the grace to get thru these remaining days, week, months or years. My body, mind, spirit and emotions have all been torn to shreds thru the process. At 70 I wonder if I will have any life left for me? I want to take care of the pain but have no idea what to try next if there is even anything else to do. Thank you for letting me pour my heart out. One last thing...last Sat would have been my mom and dads 69th anniversay, today is my brother's birthday and he's not here and my dad died on July 17th. Wonder if this could be causing some of the pain?
The pain could be most anything. I would have all possibilities explored.
I also have taken a prescription NSAID, Etodolac. My brother just got another NSAID prescribed and its name is Mobic. They're both for arthritis. They help quite a bit. But they can be hard on your stomach. Good luck, it sucks to have so much arthritis pain.
It's very depressing.
As for Mom’s back pain, I was told I have arthritis in my joints too. However, my worst pain comes from muscle spasms. When those hit, I can’t even reach for a pen in the end table drawer. The pain is sudden and breath-taking. I was told not to take Ibuprofen due to kidney function, but I do take drug-store brand aspirin. That works the best of anything.
Consult your corporation for aging for resources. They're very helpful. Also, check with all of your friends. I've gotten one lead after the other.
Ask friends or members at your house of worship to sit with your mom a couple of hours. People will, but have a monthly schedule.
Its hard seeing our parents age. Ask your siblings if they can pitch in with money so you can hire someone to sit with her while you take care of you.
As hyper-responsible people we can martry ourselves. Don't. Get help, please.
About the pain.
I’m glad you had the X-rays done. If she was impacted from constipation that would have shown up. Or at least it did with my aunt. Big time.
My mom had a fracture and the thing that worked the best for her was lidocaine patches. Ice and heat rotations and physical therapy. Exercise helps arthritis. A tens machine would also help. It’s like a pulsing electrical charge on the body if you aren’t familiar. It gets the circulation going in the area that hurts. There are many alternative treatments for pain.
If she’s like most people the pain meds would probably also make her constipated.
I, myself, am trying GBD oil and finding it works amazingly well. There is another poster here who is giving it to her mom and finding that it really helps her pain.
I was introduced to this by a cousin who is giving it to her mom who has Parkinson’s and dementia and has been on hospice for the past few months. My aunt started talking again and has improved in many ways. You want to make sure you get a quality product.
I think it’s the inflammation in the body that it helps with.
Do a little research on GBD oil online and if you want to know more about it let me know. My cousin who has been a 24/7 caretaker for her mom and dad for several years was really stressed. She takes it also. Her sister who has terrific migraines just started in an effort to get off of Excedrin. Both cousins are worried they will get dementia since their mom and grandmother have/ had it so are also taking it for that.
At 100 I would try anything that made her comfortable.
About your siblings. I know it’s a lot easier said than done. Forget them.
Don’t judge them. They have made their choice just as you have made yours. Own it that you chose to take care of your mother. Right, wrong or indifferent, in the final analysis you made the decision to take care of your mom. Believe me when you accept that, you will have dropped a load of anxiety and stress. Quit expecting people to be who they aren’t.
Since you are having such a hard time with it, make arrangements for your mom’s care should something happen to you before she dies. Then put it aside.
Tell your mom’s doctor you would like her evaluated by a physical therapist in your home. My mom had this for years. My aunt has it now. Medicare will pay for it and it helps.
Come back and vent anytime you need to. People here understand where you are.
There are many little places in life to get stuck. Small actions to move forward can really help.
Hugs to you and mom.
It helps my knee pain but I still have arthritis and it's sore and I limp. 66-years old.
If you are to continue caregiving during this time, when Mom requires an increase in care, it is imperative that you get help at home. It could be as simple as a housekeeper/cook and you take 4 hours off. Or even a sibling visit bringing in a casserole to visit you too!
Still, I hear you, at age 70, if you were not doing a life review and wanting something different than caregiving, I would worry about you. Your mother will require more care
at a time that physically, you may be more challenged to provide even the same level of care.
Can Mom live with other siblings?
Put on some relaxing music for you and your Mom.
A R T H R I T I S has cycles of pain, and can fluctuate with emotions, (as you said), and even the weather. You are trying so hard, and it appears you are doing many things right. Can your Mom take a low dose of Tylenol (acetaminophen)? Dr. Leslie Kernistan writes recently that the safest over-the-counter medication for the elderly is under 3000mg. Tylenol. But don't take my word for it, get a second opinion, or ask your doctor
again. Do your own research.
I am of the opinion that the less medication is best.
However, when a person is suffering as you describe, one must weigh the benefits and risks more closely, as well as the age of the patient. A doctor can discuss this with you.
Learning by reading the comments by so many caregivers over the years, I have seen elders live on Hospice for 3+ years, taking morphine and other meds.
None of us want our loved ones to suffer.
I think I read another post somewhere. that someone had a back pain and it ended up being constipation(?) please don't take that as MEDICAL advice.
again im sorry your family doesn't step up as much as they should. seems this happens to a lot of us.
edit. omg 16 years....