Our Dad was in an abusive relationship. His girlfried of 30 years has a substance abuse problem, she is 78, my Dad is 89. She has stabed him and throws things at him and treats him like crap. So my sibling and I recused him yesterday with the blessings of everyone we taked to from Cops, Pastors, Doctors and the Adult Protection Service to people on the street. Everyone said GET HIM OUT OF THERE! So we did. We took him to lunch to get him away from the house. We have POA and also the health one. Her family tried to convince the cops we were the bad guys and to arest us for kidnap. But the APS said NOPE! Well now my Dad hates us. He has some memory loss and thinks that was a good enought place to live. I don't think he has taken a bath for months. Anyway it was very bad where he was at. Now what the heck do we do. He won't get in the car so my sister can bring him to my house.They live in CA I live in Iowa. We are Freaking out! We can't let him go back. Everyone tells you (Get him out,) but where is the info on how to handle it after you do. They all tell us to stand frim and he will adjust. Please help with any ideas. My sisters and I are just sick.
An adult day program would help your sister, I stronly suggest it, it is alot on her right now. She will need some help. Or hire a worker. Please contact Family care giver Alliance they can give you alot of support.
Do not worry about those people you have enough on your plate. I am sure they are going to try to get the money back, but you can not worry about that. Get arestraining order and move on. If he moves to you it would be great, the further the better. But right now just one day at a time. Give each other the support you need. Good luck
Keep us up to date with how it is going!
Don't let the money grubbers back at him!
I would think APS would have a shelter situation for him or that they could temporarily get him into a nursing home.
You mentioned the pills from the doctor. Did they help? With dementia, anxiety is a problem. Maybe anti-anxiety meds can calm him a bit. I'm not big on going against the will of these folks, but you are talking about an extreme situation. He is vulnerable.
You also may want to try the state ombudsman where he is or where you are (www.ltcombudsman.org). They can be extremely helpful.
Thank goodness you have legal papers. You may have to consult an elder law attorney about what to do with him, if a doctor can't help. Something has to be done.
You are amazing people and have gone a long way. Keep working with APS and doctors until there is an answer - and do try the ombudsman.
We're pulling for you!
Carol
We haven't heard one word from the girlfriend or her family.Do you think they are up to something or did the cops tell them to let it go because they have no standing. My sister woke up early this morning in a sweat thinking they were up to something and that is why she panicked and wanted to bring him back and make them all promise to be good. Like that would really work, they are drugies too.Yes my Dad was supporting all her loser adult kids. They lived on her son's property in a trailor and her 2 sons also lived on the property with their kids.The cash cow is gone. That is why they freaked out. I hope they all just go away. Thanks again, I read your responses to my sisters and it really helped when we REALLY needed it this morning.
Talk to his doctor, since he was stabbed and hasn't had a bath, the doctor might work with you and get him admitted to the hospital. That is you best hope to transfer to a nursing home. short term only until you can get situation straight. Nursing homes will still take him, but he would not qualify for medicare so he would have to pay privet or medical. If you do not have either family caregiver alliance can help.
hang in there you are doing the right thing. Yes he will be mad for a while, I am sure as a child when your father said no or took somthing you wanted away you were made to, but it sounds like he is not in aplace to protect his own safty right now, so you have to do it for him.
The good news is, that with his failing memory maybe he'll forget her all together. ( we can only hope)