I was diagnosed with an inflammatory form of arthritis in 2014. Presently, I cannot do a lot of standing without causing a flare up, joints giving out, etc. I also have a hard time lifting heavy objects. This makes me concerned because I'm only 31 and an only child. My parents are in their 60s and have medical issues of their own. Father has diabetes and osteoarthritis. Mother had to have a hip replacement and double knee replacements. There is currently an issue with my mother in law. My father in law passed away unexpectedly and left her some life insurance money. It's going to run out in a few years. She's self employed but the business only covers it's overhead, not living expenses. She rents. My husband only has one brother, but he lives out of the country. My husband expects that we'd need to have my MIL live on our property. He thought I would be able to take care of MIL in addition to our kids. I reminded him about the disability, and we was like, "Oh yeah you have your own issues". I think the best course of action would be to plan on returning to work once the parents, and possibly MIL need caregiving, and then pay for a caregiver to do all the things I'd have trouble with (grocery shopping, cooking, heavy lifting, etc). That's expensive, but my previous job was a desk job that paid decently enough, engineering. Think this is a good idea? And I wonder if the brother in law should at least be helping financially with my MIL and not leaving all the caregiving to me and my husband? What do you think? Engineers only make so much and I'm on the hook for my parents care and they have no assets to fund their care. They are renters too.
If you are able to work that might be an excellent thing for you to do, on many grounds. But I cannot at all understand why you feel responsible for your parents' finances. Can you explain that?
I tried to get info out of my parents [in their 90's], but you would think they were in the witness-protection program. Once I was able to take over their finances, as Dad was thinking bills were junk mail [don't blame him] then I got a better handle on what net worth they had and what they could afford.
Also, sometimes our elders still view us as being quite young. I was in my late 60's when I was helping out my parents and sometimes they thought I was still that young 20 or 30 year old who could do everything and anything, like climbing ladders, or buying 30 bags of mulch and unload it in the backyard :P
My old pastor's inlaws from Korea were able to find a senior apt in an ethnic area of a big warm city, many miles away from their daughter. It was on the bus route, it was close to their choice of stores, and they were able to find a church with people from their home country. They did not speak a word of English when they immigrated (legally for all the worrywarts!). The Papa was in his 90's and still getting around the city to go to his prostate cancer treatments! The parents are just dumping on you.
My mother, with all her troubles in health, really is concerned but it occurred to me my father inquires about my health and then snorts “You’re not sick.” because he had planned for me to be the slave that takes care of mom (and him too, when he lives to be 110.)
It doesn’t matter if they destroy your marriage, your life, your happiness or take your life, they are more important. (This does not include Mother).
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