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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Sorry... Mom (91)has been in a nursing care home for about 3 months, prior to that an assissted living home (4 years). We have been in process of building for a couple years and have been sharing pics off and on and of course telling her I would bring her out to see it when done. ( I live 20 miles away) We noticed some dementia symptoms prob s couple years ago. She still knows her kids and some grandkids but asks for her mom a lot lately ( been gone 20 plus years) And sometimes ref her husband as though he were still alive.
If YOU want her to see the house, for a sense of pride in it, knowing beforehand she may not even know what she's looking at--I don't see the harm. Sounds like you care a lot more than she does--and that's OK.
Don't expect her to ooh and aah over what you've got now--it may just not resonate with her.
It's a personal decision, but, I'd try to gauge if she really would get much from it. If she enjoys the ride and just seeing you, it might be nice. Does she get disoriented when she leaves the facility? That was a problem with my LO, so trips have to seriously be considered. I think that sometimes we still see things through our eyes and our minds, but, they do not see things the way we may want. I'd be careful to not keep reminding her if she forgets soon after seeing the house. It might make her feel bad that she can't recall it. Since they have trouble with remembering new things so much, I might take photos of the people she knows in the new house. She might appreciate that more.
At the risk of being blunt, what do believe that your mom would get out of visiting your new home? How would this visit benefit her? I wonder if she would totally forget the experience in 10 mins. Could be upsetting if you had travel a distance. I use this phrase when it comes to memories; "First in, last out. Last in, first out." Thus she may remember her childhood home (first in), but not your new home (last-in, first). I can totally understand your Didier to share your new house with your mother. But it is unlikely she will remember it.
I guess I look at this caregiving life a little different. I always try to be sure my mom is cared for in the best way possible... This is why she stays in my home and I make accommodations for her. That said, I still have to have a life as well. I listen to many people on more that one of these chat rooms and they have given up everything and are bitter. I try to balance things. Yes it is a bit more work to drag mom to my grandson's baptism, with her big wheelchair that reclines... Knowing she may rambles through the service, but it was important for us to be there and it didn't hurt her, so we went. Everyone was happy she was there.
If it is important to you that your mom has the opportunity to see your new home, and it will not be detrimental to her health, then you should take her. You will be able to carry the memory of sharing it with your mom forever. If she forgets in an hour, who cares, you still had that moment and that is what matters.
I don't understand why most posts appear to think I did this for ME? Maybe I just didn't explain well enough! I actually did it for my mom because this is the kind of thing she LOVES!! Being with family. I guess maybe it made a difference as she evidently isn't as progressed with her dementia as most assumed. I don't know and it doesn't matter, whether she will remember the trip but it did not seem to cause any anxiety and she appeared to enjoy being with family.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When my mother could no longer visit my home I took pictures to show her, mainly of indoor and outdoor plants as they bloomed.
Don't expect her to ooh and aah over what you've got now--it may just not resonate with her.
I wonder if she would totally forget the experience in 10 mins. Could be upsetting if you had travel a distance.
I use this phrase when it comes to memories; "First in, last out. Last in, first out." Thus she may remember her childhood home (first in), but not your new home (last-in, first).
I can totally understand your Didier to share your new house with your mother. But it is unlikely she will remember it.
If it is important to you that your mom has the opportunity to see your new home, and it will not be detrimental to her health, then you should take her. You will be able to carry the memory of sharing it with your mom forever. If she forgets in an hour, who cares, you still had that moment and that is what matters.