Odor of...you know.

My mother has Huntington's Chorea disease and in a long term care facility. Reasonably very nice place. When Mom is having a "fighty- disagreeable day," it gets ugly. She refuses to receive services, sometimes won't allow the workers to feed her,etc. How does or can staff get tasks done when the resident is biting, fighting and kicking? The workers don't deserve to be treated that way either.
I apologize... This response may not be helpful. I am floating a similar boat and wish I had an answer... Thanks for listening 🙃

Convince a person with advanced dementia of anything seems like an exercise in futility. Regardless of what I explain to my sister who has dementia it just never sticks, and she forgets one minute to the next.

In regards to odor, you might try to spray a bit of OZIUM it’s not a continuous thing, you personally have to spray it. It’s something I use to refresh the interior of my cars.

You can usually find the small aerosol spray can at almost any auto parts shop like O’Reilleys, Auto Zone, type stores.

May seem crazy to go to auto parts store for air freshener but OZIUM has been sold in auto parts stores for 50 years that I’m aware of.

Charcoal also absorbs odors. Good luck.

My mother is in assisted living as well and I am experiencing the same issues with bathing and bodily cleanliness.  Many folks do not understand that AL is just that ... assistance.  If your mom can't/won't take care of any part of her cleanliness, then she needs more than assistance.  I am struggling to make that call for mom too.  We have increased her care to have "assisted" showers twice a week and she fights it every time by saying..."I just washed" when clearly she hasn't.  She will wear the same outfit every day with food stains down the front of it unless I strongly suggest that she change so I can try to get the stains out.  It is a struggle and I know I am going to have to make the call to move her to memory care, but I am holding out at the moment.  I wish you well on your future decision making...

Ask the facility to change her more often - your mom is past the stage of remembering anything so don't try to convince her of anything because you are wasting your breath

Try something from the pet store that eliminates urine smell for dogs/cats - I used this on something my mom nearly ruined & it didn't smell afterwards even after 5 years - change the cushion for a leather or faux-leather cushion with a washable pad over it for comfort etc

WVson1;

First of all, kudos to you and any other sons/male family members who are doing their best to help! Certainly all the females here get kudos too, but there are not as many of the men represented on this site, so special kudos to you and welcome to our "family."

"How do I convince my mother, with advanced dementia..."
There is no short answer to any question about convincing someone with dementia to do anything they don't want to do. You can't argue with, reason with or order dementia around. It will do what it wants. Suggestions can help, giving choices can help, but something that works once or a few times might not work the next time! Get creative... Gee mom, I have to go use the rest room, how about you? Try to make it her idea. No guarantees what will work - each person and their behavior are unique.

You say she is in AL with graduating to MC. If she is still in AL, toileting and changing are going to be more difficult. Many AL staff do not have extra time or the "skills" needed to coax people into compliance. MC might be the right move for her at this point. Even there they cannot force someone to comply - they have to work it out with finesse. There are less staff/person in regular AL, so they won't be able to spend 1/2 hour trying to get mom to go.

Suggestions for "briefs" - are you currently using the overnight ones? If not, those will hold more and help with some of the leaking. If you are, yes, there are other inserts that can be used. I don't recall the exact one we tried, but it was a Walmart brand - can't say how well it worked as we needed it for overnight wetting that came out of nowhere (added to regular extra absorbent briefs and pads for the bed.) She would refuse to get up at night when they tried to get her up, and she, the bedding and her nightclothes would be soaked! Not sure if this will help though - it sounds like she doesn't know she needs changing, so it'll just be extra padding. That might help with some of the leaking, but won't really solve the problem.

That said, forgive me if someone else has asked or you have tried this, but you did mention UTI in your profile - has she been tested recently? I would recommend the more extensive culture test, not just the dip stick. Turns out mom's issue WAS a UTI. The only other one she had since moving to MC, which was some time ago, caused some severe sun-downing, ranting she had to get out, go home, etc. This time, no sun-downing, but soaking herself and the bed at night - clearly urinating more than usual. Perhaps this is causing your mother to urinate more often and therefore be wet/leaking more - it could be more odorous as well (from medicinenet - "When there is an infection in the urinary tract, the urine may take on a foul-smelling odor as well as appear cloudy or bloody.")

Odor in the room - is it from the chair or from other items as well (bed, floor, clothes, trash bin, laundry basket?) if her chair has been "hit" so often, it might be best to ditch that one and get another, preferably something easier to clean. A covered bin for dirty items and another for used "briefs", perhaps with some kind of odor control in it might help? Has the carpet been cleaned recently (sniff test works)? Is the mattress protected? Last time I visited mom, I used the bathroom in the hallway - EEEEEEUUUUW. I think it was likely used briefs sitting in the trash bin - the floor was not wet and nothing was in the toilet, so likely the dirty briefs...

The only other option is to try a minimal dose of anti-anxiety meds (if she can take them - check with doc/pharmacy) - it reduces their stress level a bit and can make them more compliant without doping them up. We have it on-hand as needed only, for any repeat sun-downing episodes! I am not a fan of meds, but this one was great! It doesn't take time to build up in the system, doesn't dope mom up and is just enough to take the edge off and make her more compliant if/when needed.

Following this thread for advice too. Hope you find a solution WVson1!

Relative's apartment yesterday for a family gathering was Offensive with capital O. Have not smelt AL like this: like an iron infused BM in a rabbit hutch.

LO #1 mild incontince, 3 x shower assists p/w now cut down to 2 & most probably refused most recent one. Also resists having clothes washed - ever.

LO #2 mod-severe incontinent + occasional BM incontinece, 3 x shower assist (needs daily) but at least clean clothes.

Sat near open window.

I plan to bring own airfreshner next time & just spray the bathroom, close door, empty bin, spray that & open window w i d e. Any questions will be answered kindly but honestly *your apartment needs some fresh air*.

Why, why, why are they letting her get away with this crap? That is insane. If she can't or won't cooperate, then get the proper people to make her change her attire. It is disgusting to allow this behavior. There is nothing that will make the smell go away except putting her out into the open woods and tying her to a tree so the air can purify her. Why is she not in a facility. She is NOT going to change and it will get worse. You should not be subjected to this horror and I would never allow it to continue.

You use the Barbsol after you have washed the area, spread it on and wipe it off. We also used it like a soap because it is shaving cream.

WVson1,
Yes there are inserts that can be put inside a tab brief or pull up.
It typically will not have a non absorbent layer on the back of it so what the extra pad does not absorb the brief will. So the use of a double brief or a sanitary pad will not work as they have a liner on the back that prevents or is supposed to prevent leaks.
And there are some very good protective pads that absorb a lot of fluid. The reusable one that I purchased is one that I saw on Costco site the manufacturer is Conni but I am sure there are many others.

There is a great and inexpensive product called Odoban. It is also a great cleaner and germicide. I found it in the deodorizer section at Walmart. Its in a spray bottle and I believe costs less than $3.00. It has a lovely odor and take away that awful nursing home smell. Great for cleaning the wheel chair and almost all surfaces. I clean my bathrooms with it. I think the secret ingredient is Eucalyptus oil. As far as your Mom agreeing to letting them change her more often, it probably won't happen. They just need to do it. Have a discussion with the Staff and they will try. I find a weekly phone call to the nurse in charge or the social workers helps with the care of my in-laws and they appreciate the fact that we are involved with their care. Hope this is helpful

There are items that can assist (probably not a complete fix) with reducing odor; charcoal (for fish tanks)can be spread thinly in a pan under her bed; or baking soda (in a cute but porous container), even just a small fan that moves the air some; and there are plants that help, too, either because they have a pleasant odor or because they are more efficient at processing the air (spider plants for example).

Do the soiled undergarments get thrown into a container in your mother's room? or is it just her prolonged wearing of the soiled undergarments that causes her room to smell?

Poopouri (sp?) works well for reducing odor in a toilet.... there are stick-on air fresheners for diaper pails, and you can also buy those air freshening wicks for her room. In the hospital we would put wintergreen oil on a gauze 4x4 and hang it somewhere in the patient's room when they had an odor that couldn't be dispelled.

Hanging a car air freshener may work - if the room is small. You can also use dryer sheets - we use them in the outer layer of dressings for smelly wounds. Most of these items won't be too irritating for residents or staff who might have allergies/sensitivities.
Maybe try a combination of opening an outside window as able, using a DE-odorizer along with a freshener of some kind (such as your febreeze).
Worse comes to worse, maybe you would need to purchase a small air purifier.... they usually help quite a bit but that might be pricey, be more in the way, and of course, take energy to run. Whew...hope you find something that works.

Many elders lose their olfactory sense. My late mother did. I found that the concentrated room sprays mask any bad odor. Can be found for example at Bath & Body Works and they last a loooong time! I pulled my mother aside to tell her that she had a bad odor about her, but it fell on deaf ears (another faltering sense).

My Mom has dementia and gets very angry if we say she needs changing and doesn't believe anybody but she is in nursing home and she is diapers and fights staff all the time (most staff is afraid of her so may not try to change her) but head staff have started using charcoal pads under her bed and also I think is volcanic ash of some sort that they use for cancer patients and they put up high on cupboard. Floors are bleached most days and bedding there is supposed to be changed daily when she is in dining room so as not to be angry for them being in her room. I'm thankful the smell thing is mostly taken care of since I tried everything and nothing worked. In Canada it's all paid for by government except her rent and laundry so is $66 a day and cause she is in very low income the government supplements her rent up to a certain amount. I go almost daily to make sure she is getting all the help and exercise she needs and if she took her pills which she fights daily or refuses depending on the nurse giving it. Hope some of this helps you!

The chances are that mother can’t smell herself because she is used to it. I loved the smell of leather, and lost the ability to smell it when I worked in the office of a leather factory. It's the same with BO. Could you approach it in a different way – a check box somewhere with stick-ons when she has changed? And an incentive, like no coffee if the stick-ons aren’t up to date?

Try a few drops of Vanilla around her room. Really works. Plus pleasant for us.

My husband (age 92) with dementia still knows when he has to go. This is about odors. He accidentally leaked down the side of the mattress and box springs. I sprayed them with a mixture of vinegar and baking soda, but that wasn't the greatest smell either. I found a great solution using animal odor spray I saw with other sprays in the drugstore. It is foamy and you just let it dry. Has really worked and does not have an overwhelming odor like other sprays.

If it is to difficult, which I get, shoes and socks off, drawers off, depends off, wipe down, depends on, drawers back on, shoes and socks on, whew, I am worn out just thinking about that every time I pee.

Have you modified her wardrobe and shoes to make this process less burdensome? I would find some nice slip on shoes (when you find ones that work, get a few pairs so she is covered for a year) and put her in a skirt (elastic waist, mid calf to provide leg warmth, presto). That would simplify the entire process to a few seconds instead of a long project.

There are products that are used in public toilets that are on a timer that spray deodorizer in the room to reduce the smell in the bathroom.  You could probably order some of these for your mother's room and install them, or have maintenance install them for you.  As far as the change out of the pull-ups--tell her that she needs this done more frequently and why and if the staff is willing to shower her for you more than twice a week, then they may be willing to "remind her" that she needs her pull-up changed out and help her with that as well if nothing more than handing her a replacement while she does the change out herself.  My mom is on a 3 x a week shower schedule and gets showered twice a week because I do the showering myself.  You are lucky to have help.  I am the caregiver--and the checkwriter.  I pay for services that don't happen unless I do them myself.

Everyone, thank you for your suggestions and concerns. To clarify. My mother is in an appropriate professional AL facility that does graduate to memory care. This is not independent living. BM accidents are addressed immediately as they are known. She is on a toileting schedule. She may not realize when she is leaking but I think she does realize when the diaper(I never use that term) is wet. But...it is just too much effort for her to change them herself. Question: is there an interchangeable pad that she can slip in and out of her diaper to make it easier to change when wet. I think she would do it if easier. The diaper must stay on but maybe there is an insert that can be removed and replaced. when wet. Without having to remove the main diaper. I bet this problem has already been solved a thousand ways but I am not yet aware of a good solution.

She may need more assistance that you get in assisted living - like a higher level of care facility. Assisted living, as I understand, is for people who can still pretty much care for themselves and require a little 'assistance' from time to time. She needs more hands on as in taking her to toilet, changing her briefs throughout the day, and bathing like every other day. In Assisted Living, much like home health care, the staff member may show up to give a bath, but if you say no it could be a while in between bathing. If she doesn't already have a UTI, what you describe is one in the making.

You may not believe this but we used Barbasol shaving cream to help with odors. She will continue to be oblivious but you have to learn how to talk and do at the same time. Including her in conversation like it is or her idea. It is very time consuming and wears on your patience but you do what you can. The main thing is always to remember to take care of yourself.

Time to have a talk with the staff and management. You all need to be onboard with a toileting schedule with Mom. Usually, the deal is to offer/take her to the toilet every 3-4 hours. Staff should be kind but firm that Mom sticks to the schedule.

If she has a UTI, that needs to be treated by a doctor. If she has many UTI's she can end up not having her kidneys work well and the waste products get deposited in her skin, Then, she will always smell of ammonia/urine. In that case, she'll need more frequent bathing with a very mild soap and lots of lotion since the skin will be itchy.

For odor, washing machine scent crystals to cover some of her personal odor since her clothes will be scented.. There are room fresheners that cycle on and off over a period of time. You'll have to see if the facility allows the room fresheners.

First I would see if she has a uti. Then I would talk to the staff pronto. This needs to be addressed immediately. You mean to tell me the staff doesnt notice the smell? Why are they ignoring it? They should have addressed this with with their boss immediately. She needs consistent changing. Sounds like she sitting in a soiled brief all day. I would be highly upset with this. Urine can burn skin. Then she will get skin breakdown and horrible rashes/sores. Why are they ok with this?
So I would talk to the person in charge. Either the staff addresses this issue immediately, or she needs to be moved to personal care, or something needs to change. If she has dementia she is not the right fit for assisted living.

The focus needs to be on the real issue of her sitting in soiled briefs too long. Are they adult diapers or underwear? Urine doesnt smell bad right away. It smells horrible after hours. Or can smell like ammonia if the person is dehydrated. They need to be changed mult times a day. Not 1x a day.

As far as I know assisted living is for people that need a bit of help but are still quite independent. Not dementia pts! Just forgetful, or need to be watched for falls, but still able to take care of themselves. So staff only provides light support.

She needs a higher level of care now. So either the staff doesnt care, or you are in denial. I know assisted living is much cheaper than a nursing home. I dont blame you there. But this should be addressed asap. The urine/soiling herself is the main problem. The smell is the least of your worries. Your chasing your tail by not addressing the main cause. You need to discuss asap. You might have to hire a cna to come in and change her briefs. Might be cheaper than memory care. But I think with dementia she is not safe in assisted living. They have stoves and micros in their room. Staff only checks on them. They dont watch 24/7. Good luck.

On Amazon we bought charcoal pads that go around the toilet if she is missing the toilet. Also chlorax sells a spray for the floor that eliminates the pre smell. If she won't change her underwear sounds like more frequent showers or dependd

We had the exact same scenario with my mom. I was hesitant to move her to Memory Care as I thought she would be very resistant to the schedule. She has thrived there since and she is CLEAN!!! I wish we had made the move sooner.

Does she have any rash issues? Her bottom must be sore..... I always keep a can of lysol by my mom's bed & a renuzit air freshener.... Not just for toilet smells, but general odors....

Not up to mom, if she has dementia, the NH needs to address it more frequently. Mention to staff & when you have a care meeting. I had issues as well, also, they do not allow powder....

It sounds like the staff at the AL facility is not doing their job.
Or it is possible that your mom needs Memory Care not AL.
She should be checked every 2 hours and changed when necessary.

As far as eliminating the odors.
Odor Ban, I purchased it the gallon size at Sam's Club. It does not mask the odors but eliminates them It is also good in the wash.
Clorox has a product called Urine Remover works on hard and soft surfaces.

Again I think this calls for a discussion at the facility where you mom lives.

How often do the staff at your mom’s facility chk on her? She should not be sitting in her filth.

Alternatively, hire a caregiver for this need. Expensive but it takes away your worries.

Odor Elimanator works awesome.

It doesnt try to cover up the Odor but actually eliminates it. Comes in both a solid or gel.

Just tell your mom that her panties (diapers) have pee and need to be changed.

Sone people don't like to hear diapers and they might not remember the word soiled.

Have your mom's potty chair wiped down daily with fabuloso

Odoban removed cat urine odors
from my garage cement floor a few years ago and the smell never returned. Now I use it on furniture, carpet cleaner and car seat for my incontinent Dad. It’s available at big box stores like Home Depot, Lowes, and Walmart. I buy the gallon concentrate eucalyptus scent for fabrics but note there is also a bio stain version with special enzymes for urine and other bodily fluids. I have not tried it because the regular version works for my needs.