Mom is in AL. The facility passes the smell test but she does not. The facility has her on a toileting schedule. She resists. Mom does not realize that her briefs need to be changed. Her chair, which I regularly recover with mattress protectors, stinks. Mom gets showered twice weekly. It can be more if required. I provide the briefs. How do I convince my mother, with advanced dementia, that her briefs (diapers) need to be changed more frequently? How do I convince her to accepted the necessary help with toileting? And..how can I mitigate the lingering odor in her room? Fabreeze is great but even that has its limits. Is there anything I can place in her room to continuously help to eliminate the odor? She is oblivious to all of this.
from my garage cement floor a few years ago and the smell never returned. Now I use it on furniture, carpet cleaner and car seat for my incontinent Dad. It’s available at big box stores like Home Depot, Lowes, and Walmart. I buy the gallon concentrate eucalyptus scent for fabrics but note there is also a bio stain version with special enzymes for urine and other bodily fluids. I have not tried it because the regular version works for my needs.
It sounds as though your mother is in an AL that is more appropriate for people who are mostly independent and whose need for assistance is minimal. Bottom line is that she isn't receiving the care she needs, unfortunately administrators will often promise much more than the facility has appropriate staff to handle. Her dementia is only going to get worse and with it will come physical decline, I think now is the time to look for a higher level of care.
How often in a day are you able to come, or can you set aside 2-3 days to be there a lot of the time to learn her behaviors with regards to elimination (not just show up and she is soiled again.) the overall goal would be a little pre-emption to be able to gently replace soiled for clean.
Is she still sing the toilet some of the time? if so what time of the day? When she has her pants down, step and and gently replace with clean. Or if she takes off clothing at night, put new clean clothes out without her really being aware, and replace soiled, including briefs.
But with the goal of getting her to think she is in charge, not you. After all she has been in charge of this activity for most of her life.
Maybe she simply does not like the style of briefs you have chosen, but does not understand that. I have one family that calls their Mother's briefs her "party pants". She has always liked to dress up, and always wore nice underclothing. there are some nice looking briefs available (albeit a little more expensive). but by changing the type of brief and tapping into Mom's love of nice clothing, they're able to address the issue. So maybe there is some way to look at the whole process differently. As you said changing, not lowering, your expectations based on Mom's lifelong habits.
All the best. It is not easy. eliminating odors is another problem, and there are a lot of good suggestions here. I would avoid scents that simply cover up, and go with ones that eliminate. And I agree with the animal lovers, housepet odor eliminators are often the best and the least expensive overall.
Finally, the basic problem may come down to the fact that you are her child. And have never been in charge of personal care for your parent. Often, by having facility staff provide care, your Mom will be more receptive. This removes you fro the loop, and from being the "bad guy". Staff are particularly trained, especially those with Memory Care training, to deal with this and other particular issues arising with Dementia. Adding increased caregiver hours will cost though, and that is another consideration.
What does the facility recommend for getting her to change her depends more frequently?
I had to sit face to face with my dad and tell him that I know that he can't help it and I know that he would be embarrassed, so lets deal with this by wearing briefs, changing them when they are wet. He was mad, but once he realized that he was more comfortable it wasn't a problem.
Oh, if her cloths get saturated with urine, a regular wash may not get rid of all the odor. Check her closet, it may be time to take them home and do a vinegar and baking soda soak or replace items.
I don't recommend covering the odor, it doesn't really work, it smells like covered up odor. White vinegar is amazing, it will even get the stains out and it is cheaper than any other options(3.50 a gallon), non toxic, and can be stored in her room. I would keep a gallon and a spray bottle handy to spritz any spots as they occur.
Best of luck, that is a tough one.
You can also use kitty litter under her chair and bed as an odor absorber.
Have you modified her wardrobe and shoes to make this process less burdensome? I would find some nice slip on shoes (when you find ones that work, get a few pairs so she is covered for a year) and put her in a skirt (elastic waist, mid calf to provide leg warmth, presto). That would simplify the entire process to a few seconds instead of a long project.
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