Nursing home neglect! My mothers is in ICU, now what?

the last 8 months of her life are a small part and the previous part of her life was fine so I will remember that.

the home has said to my solicitor that had never any intention of ever calling an ambulance as they never agreed with diagnosis of my mum's gp and her hospital consultant. the reason there is a solicitor is because they have been being giving me verbal abuse on the street.

they have promised my solicitor the abuse will stop. and they will not recognise me. i am happy with that i will never understand why my mum went there. as there are people who would have helped her at home. she not just hurt me but her friends as well. I would sooner die than give up my independence.

stay in a care home.

I dont know what illness your mother died from but you mentioned neglect from nursing home. I dont know you but just from your posts I can tell you loved your mom very much...we all look for answers and unless its cancer or heart attack which we understand we dont get those answers.... we dont understand eglect...I still think your mother was trying to burden you as little as possible...I am 70 years old and help take care of my mom, who is 90...I know for a fact that I will not let my children take care of me as long as I can do anything myself that resembles "living"...I will hide everything from them and do what I could afford until I dont know or dont care where I am living...did she have bedsores, was she not fed...was she not given meds or baths....I can see neglect for a homeless person or not having anyone that cares..you cared and hated the place she was living...you hated the nursing home...your mom made choices and for her they were right, if she was still in her own mind...if she wasnt and you made the decisions, just know you did all you could do... as far as the nursing home coming after you..there is a little known law called Filial Responsibility ..it makes children responsible for their parents debts...its not in every state, but I dont know where you live...the law was little used until the last few years when the "baby boomers" became elderly...they are now using it and winning ... doesnt matter if you signed or not...some nursing homes dont come after the money they think they might be owed..its seems like the medicaid only homes are the ones using this law....and medicaid home are the worse for care...you might want to look up this law to see if its in your state...I dont know what money you have, but they cant get blood from a stone...stand your ground...I hope you come to realize that you did the best you could and you will always miss your mom... I do believe she is in a better place and was taking care of you till the very end...she didnt want you burdened, so honor that and I wish you the best life has to offer you.

It is so absurd that people have not yet figured out a better way of death and dying. We should all be able to leave this world at a good time and not have to endure incredible suffering and pain on our way out. Personally, I'd rather have one week of joy and fulfillment and companionship than ten years of suffering and misey and loneliness.

In some places in the 1940's they were called concentration camps. I know it's not exactly the same -- but there are way too many similarities.

My dad was in the hospital for one month due to complications from their own ER treatment. He needed invasive surgery due to those complications so he went from indep. ambulatory then to bed bound for a month which of course causes it's own complications like blood clots & fluid around the lungs. Yes the human body is meant to move around like a car is meant to drive. Anyway, after the month long hospitalization he moved to a short term rehab (SNF) but not a long-term SNF just for aggressive PT. The building is lovely. All private rooms with a microwave & mini-fridge in each room very well appointed but the staffing is shorter than I have ever seen & that's out of loads of SNFs in my history. So he only lasted that Monday night to Wed. am & went back to ER having declined. So he was in hospital from Wednesday to Wednesday, today 11/20/2013. He goes back to this rehab place because it is 5 mins. from my house, only place that is so that regardless of short staffing I can basically go several times a day to help feed him & water him since he is not strong enuf yet to feed himself. Now he goes back into the same room he was in a week ago, his dexterity is very limited due to being bed-bound for 40 days now & 14 days of those in wrist restraints. He is re-learning how to feed himself. So when I am ready to leave I search for the call light. After 15 mins I find it & the red button part of it is broken off so if he started choking or coughing or really needing help he would have no way to call for help. So I walk out of the room, find the CNA, tell her that the call light is broken & the reply? Oh yes he came too late in the day but he will have a working call light tomorrow. This is someone that has been on mech. oxygen in the hosp & isn't now, just having gotten slightly better. Someone that can't get out of bed or have a loud enuf voice to hollar for help. I don't mind so much that they put him in a rm w/o a call light but that he would wait for tom. for one. How careless is that? So I went to find the LVN instead & brought her to show that the call light was busted. She says "oh I will take care of that". She calls her supervisor who is prolly outside the building by now. And on her half of the conv. I hear yes someone is here, it is her daughter - then I see her walking off & coming back with a new call light. Now why did it matter whether there was a visitor or not? That is the important question. In other words, had I not been there & the LVN had called about this they would have said "never mind" we will get him a fixed one tomorrow. That is the only reason it would matter if there was a visitor or not. It is just like any other business. It is all about the management. If the supervisor of the building doesn't care if a patient with lung & breathing problems & bedbound has a call light or not, no other employee under her is going to care. What I loved was the attitude of the LVN, telling me to calm down. Well I wasn't even upset just very demanding but not in an angry or upset way at all. There was nothing to calm down from. He is also missing a food table (cart) of course that can wait for tom. but it is pretty scary admitting a patient from a hospital into a room with a broken call light. Wouldn't you check to make sure you had a working one before putting the patient in there? It makes me wonder what else is missing of life-saving equipment.

Yikes Kathleen! I haven't encountered that kind of neglect with my mom, but I'd be furious. And contacting anyone I could think of to complain. Thank goodness you were there to get the call light replaced. That's just unacceptable.

I can see what you say hummingbird but she had urinary sepsis and her gp screamed at them for not getting an ambulance. and they said we do not for full-time residents. and told him she had not got it. he told them they were useless.
as they did not change her enough.

They are not chasing me for money as they are going to paid they have had that reassurance. I barred them from the hospital and no representative will be allowed at the funeral.

My Mum stunk . her meds were in the sink and when I asked about them they laughed and mocked me. And even refused to let me clear her room until I threatened them with my solicitor.

Hummingbird I will always agree with her GP and Consultant that procedures were not followed by calling an ambulance. they said she could die in there and called me an interfering bitch.

they were rude to her gp and nasty when they tried to ring the hospital. I will always feel that she would have been better off at home with her friends and family and the scheme manager who she adored.

There was absolutely no need for anyone to drop her friends and families for no need.

Mum had other health problems. She had a commode in her room that had not been emptied for days.

there is no need to swear at me in the street. I got my mum the right treatment she needed and she wasted her money by staying there. They did nothing to help when she needed it.

They did not wash her enough. I can honestly see your point hummingbird. However I will support euthansisa rather than go in one of those places. I would sooner die. she may not have put on me but I can tell you she was far better off in hospital and I can tell you solicitor has reasssured me they will not recognise me or speak to me again. and will accept payment at an agreed date.

i will always believe her gp and consultant she was not better there. you were not there when i called her gp.

I'm almost wondering if we should name names of these nursing home/rehab facilities that we have had experience with. Good and bad. To let others that are reading these messages and are trying to decide on facilities know what our experiences have been. I think others would find it valuable.

I really wish there was a decent nursing home near to my house. Unfortunately the only medium acceptable NHs in my area are 30 mins away from my house each way meaning that I can't get any respite or support from other family members. The one he is in right now 5 mins away from my house is this terribly staffed one & the apathy among the management & front line staff are terrible. Even if I wanted to I couldn't keep him there long term so I am going to end up being the only family member once again that will do anything for him or go near his nursing home once he moves 30 mins away again. I cannot understand the other family not being willing to drive 30 mins once a week to give me a day off. Anyway, this place is not even following the orders given by the hosp upon discharge or the orders given by the nurse manager. My dad is supposed to be receiving breathing treatments twice a day scheduled at 9am & 5pm & the other every 6 hours as needed. Which of course means he hasn't received a single breathing treatment since he arrived last night from the hospital. While I was there at dinner time to feed him his dinner I asked the nurse & aide if they would help me get him up in the wheelchair which was in his room & luckily they did what I asked. I was amazed they did it & quickly so I could feed him in his chair instead of the bed. Now they didn't know how to move his 238 pounds into the chair themselves so they went & brought the hoyer lift & lifted him into the wheelchair. They left him slumped forward in the chair not adjusting him comfortably so I went around to the back of him & pulled from under his arms all by myself & then I went around & yanked on his feet one at a time to pull his butt right in the chair so that he was sitting upright. He stayed upright in the chair without leaning forward or sliding out of chair & he also did not lean to either side. He lasted like this for 2 hours This is after the PT told me today that they could not get him into the wheelchair because when they sat him up on the side of the bed he laid back down which means he wouldn't be safe in the chair. Well there is nothing wrong with him staying seated upright in the chair because a wheelchair has 2 sides & a back. On the side of the bed there is no support. Anyway, I fed him in chair & then I wheeled him around the large building. Then parked him in the cafe area by the nurses stn where they could monitor him. I then left a note for the staff in the am to make sure the PT that comes tomorrow is a different PT than the one that wouldn't work with him so they have a second opinion. I can just feel the discharge coming which again means that I am going to be the only one in the family that goes to visit & I will end up again abandoning him to the nursing home & leaving for Florida for the rest of my life while he sits there in the home alone. Oh I will give w/o any family or community support I will give a good half year to a year & then I will have had enough. I would at least like to have some family moral support while doing all this which will only happen if he is 5 mins away. I really hate my life. I had asked the nurse if he had had the breathing treatment & he said no I thought it was as needed. He looked at his computer orders & sure enuf it said scheduled treatments at 9 & 5 & this was after 7pm. I said did you give him either treatment & he said no but I will. I said good. I had already been there since 5 to feed & walk him so I left. Then began trying to call the home to ask if he had had the treatment. Scarfed down my own dinner. Got in the car so that nurse wouldn't have left by then. Got there & he says Yes I gave him the treatment. I went down to dad's room & he had pulled the nasal camula out which he needs to be lucid tom. & he was definitely not like he ever was after a breathing treatment in the hospital & he is supposed to be getting the Duoneb. Well I know damn well he hadn't gotten one or he woulda been knocked out but he was perf. alert. So I asked the nurse again, saying he isn't acting like he got one. Are you sure you gave it? Well, now I won't just be able to go for 5-7. I will now have to go and stay & make sure he gets the breathing treatment as ordered. I will have to basically move in. I really believe he would fare better at home with me except I couldn't move those 239 pounds anywhere. I would at least give him the damned breathing treatments. I just can't believe this place. I don't know why I am surprised. After that business with the call light last night & hearing on the phone is the daughter there? Otherwise theyda left him w/o one. Now to get any of his orders filled I have to stay in there basically all damn day. I was supposed to also be the only cook on Thanksgiving so I could see my son & his wife. I would cook & carry the whole meal to his apt. where we would eat together. Not going to happen. Kid won't even pick up the phone. I don't see how I can do both & that also contributes to my leaving town for the rest of my life since I can't even see or have my kids in my life

You wouldn't believe all the other family walking the halls looking for their parents care. You would think involved family would be a good sign but in fact from my memory the most neglectful homes have the most visiting families because they actually have no choice but to be there & worse than that they are taking the staff away from your parent when you are not there. I really liked this place's sister facility that mom died in. I thought they were excellent but again it is 30 mins each way & they never answered the phone either.

Get this: this place near my house is rated by my state as 88 out of 100 while the rest of the homes in that town are rated 75 or less. This is possibly the worst staffed home in the area. I don't know how they got that rating. I think I will be calling tomorrow to the area agencies to find out who the ombudsman is & asking how they received that rating. I wasn't going to report the broken call light but I am going to now that I know he didn't receive a breathing treatment at all as ordered. It won't make any difference except I'll feel better calling. The fact they made mistakes will prolly raise their ratings for as much as TX cares. I would be curious to know which states all these people on here are from? It might change where I want to age. I know it isn't here in Texas.

Also, dad smelled horrible tonight & the nurse told me his colostomy bag they changed it to last night is inserted upside down. So he is trying to figure out why it's upside down until he goes to empty it & finds it is missing a clip to close it off so basically if it gets full enough the poop will be all over the bed. And again this is one of the best rated facilities in my area. You should see the building. It is like a 5 star resort. He only got there yesterday & lets see, the colostomy bag isn't closed off or on him right, the call light was broken when we got there, the table for food was missing, he had to wait a day for that, and he has not received a breathing treatment since he got there while they are scheduled for 9 & 5 & PT says he isn't safe for a wheelchair while he sat safely in it for 2 hours for us tonight, oh yea & he only has a footrest for one foot & has to drag his other foot along the ground. Best yet, whenever I call the home to speak to the charge nurse that works 9-5 I get accused of being a problem child for having any concerns. Again if I move him elsewhere I will be the only one visiting him & caring for him & I will be on the road more than with him but the home would be better. Not better enough to make the distance worth it but he is going to have to move eventually anyway, maybe it would be better.

I mean he smelled bad of body order not the colostomy. He hasn't been bathed.

I vehemently believe that my Mum would have been better off at home surrounded by people that loved and cared for her. Her neighbours were very upset and crying that she isolated herself and would not bother. As were her friends and family.

Mum stayed there independently and never once received any care from them. She to'd and fro'd stayed 2 nights there then 3 nights at the home.

There was no logical behind it. Shewas not hiding anything as I knew all her health problems.

There is a saying that we can know sometimes when our time is up. The Medical Profession have confirmed this. Also when in hospital My Mum gave up. But at least she had a bath a wash which that home did not give her.

My stunk of wee. When the GP visited her at the home. And as she had bowel disease the GP was horrified and disgusted at the state of her.

I am so annoyed with them as when she needed care it was not provided and it is a dump.

Doctors and Consultants do not like care homes (generalisation guys as I am applying this to my case.)

my mum would have been better at home with me visiting and carers and her friends and family and I will never change my mind on this matter.

Not only do I agree we should mention the names of facilities but more importantly the state the patient lives in. The US is a big place & I live in Texas. My father is currently staying at San Remo Rehab. They are a rehab & nursing home but have only about 5 long term beds. They mostly take patients for 100 day medicare only & don't keep most of them more than 2 weeks dependent on how much ambulation they can get back to. So in other words if they were walking alone before a long hosp. & then are bed bound at the hosp for a month like dad they probably won't keep him more than a couple weeks & then he will have to move to another place that will do the whole 100 days for PT, OT & ST & wound care but still get him out of bed for PT so they can make more per day from medicare. It all depends on what rate they can bill medicare per day. In other words if you get in there on wound vac and do not benefit from OT, ST, or PT or cannot participate with them because of cognition or physical disabilities the next patient that could fill the bed instead might be able to be wound vac, PT, ST & OT therefore they could bill medicare for all 4 things per day so they will curb him faster since they can't bill for the other things. In a facility that takes more long-term patients they won't care if he comes in just for wound vac & can't therapy because it still pays them more per day than a medicaid patient does but they will still try PT, OT, & ST because again they can get more bucks per day if they can do it but not be as aggressive in PT which isn't as good for dad. In the meantime he is not getting bathed. I had to call and say he stunk last night please give him a bath today. They can't bill for the bath. I am only keeping him there as long as possible since it is the only place 5 mins away. Then when he moves 30 mins away hopefully he won't need me more than once a day. Please all posters state your state. I don't care about the name of the facility.

Some posters are from Canada, England, Australia, New Zealand, anyone who speaks English?, as well as US!

I hadn't thought of that, but it would still be nice to know how care is there too

I think we can all agree that the one thing that affects elder care in the US is our society's feelings about the elderly. It reminds me of the tv commercial with the Indian with tears over what we have done with the land. These great people kept the US brilliant & great for us their children. They kept the nation free, beautiful & a place we would want to live & be able to. Then we took it & declined it as a country in many ways & then locked them up & threw away the key. Of course many don't care what type of care they are receiving because we don't care about them or what they did for us. I have heard of denial & sweeping things under the rug. I think that in alot of cases that is what as a country we have done with our greatest generation is swept them under the rug. What we don't see in the stores, what we don't see in the private homes, what we don't see out walking in the sun or behind the wheel we don't have to be reminded of & therefore we can forget about or live in denial of our own mortality & what is to become of us. I think it is done more on behalf of government rather than families but it is too easy for the family to follow the crowd and go along. It does remind me of the tv commercial though. First we took this land from our parents then we didn't always take care of our inheritance (this land) then we locked them up so we didn't have to take care of or think of them. I don't know. I guess I am still feeling indebted to them, my parents anyway so when I can't take them home I go to their home & make sure there is care. Can't always get it but I just remind myself of the desiderata. Change the things you can, & remember what you can't. I keep plugging but I keep my voice level on the phone & very polite & civil & just keep charging. I tell you there is an awful lot of personal restraint needed on my end though. I only keep in mind there was one nursing home a half hour away & it was the only one I never needed to know who the ombudsman was the whole 4 -6 months she was there & I didn't need as much personal restraint. I had a wonderful relationship with the home. Not perfect. But mutually admiration between us all. You don't know how often they told me my mother was lucky to have me & what a great advocate I was. It will be diff. for dad there because he will not have a room to himself, she was isolation the whole time so I was able to basically live out of there. With a roommate all other problems will change the relationship as will his behaviors. She was past behaviors. I don't know if that's where I will send him because it is a financial drain down a toll road only. $200 a month just to drive there.

care in Britain is not that great (generalisation again).

I am sorry that my mum felt she had the need to stay at a home waste a load of money and not receive any care when it was needed. They did nothing to help they had not intention of ever getting her to hospital.

In Britain the statistics show that people last longer in their own homes amongst their own possessions. I agree. I will never change my view on this ever. I would like to think that I could be with friends and family at all times.

Every illness I was around for my Mum and maybe she did not realise the hurt she caused to me and her friends by staying at that home.

I understand I went through the same with my mom. I could not take care of her because. She needed t twenty four hr. Watch and I had to work. I am the only child. She fell and hit her head . She has a cracked skull and a broken finger she ended up in ICU for 3 days, hospital for 7 days from there to hospic where she passed away after 14 days, I have contacted social service.nothing has been done at all. My m had a lot of illness but. She is my mom and still a Han being. I miss her so, I can not get answers to any question I ask. Can not get medical records Have to call a lawyer . But actual if you raly look at this they killed my mom

I agree that nursing home neglect is criminal. Something needs to be done. State standards are not enough - the facitlities break the regulationrs all the time. They are rarely held accountable. My mom pretty much died from nursing home neglect; I pushed the issue with the state and they were cited. I could never get my mom back, but I could work to prevent the same thing from happening to someone else. I used to work in nursing homes. Things have changed a lot. the neglect is unbelievable - understaff and so much paperwork/computer work to do that patients are rarely even seen as human beings. Hugs to all who have suffered from nursing home neglect. we can make a difference though, one step at a time.