Nursing home neglect! My mothers is in ICU, now what?

I am so sorry for what you and your mom have been through. I hope you both find some peace and healing.

Have you spoken to anyone from social services from the hospital about all of these problems?

I think, in all honesty, you are thinking that a nursing home can give your mother more and better care than you could at home.
It is group care and they have many residents for whom to provide care.
There is no way she would get individual care that you can deliver. That said, they are able to lift her and move her the way they are professionally trained.
Hospital stays for seniors can be difficult, as they need mobility exercises, and are unable to function normally.
That said, it was the best placement for her at the time, since you were ill yourself.
It is normal for seniors in her condition to develop URIs, my late father had one. They simply do not urinate as much, nor do they keep themselves hydrated.
If you have a case for mistreatment, does the US not have a place for complaints? If you have issues with individual doctors or nurses not treating her properly, you should document this and complain to the governing body.
I keep telling my kids, drug me up, as I don't want undiagnosed pain. My father was unable to communicate he pain, although I knew it.
In Canada we have a system of complaints. Reports on long-term care homes: check the homes out before you place a loved one. http://bit.ly/1iWyASp

the rehab center my father was in left him fall twice and were giving him the wrong medications, we found out after we had them investigated. They were fined but what does that do.

I'm sorry it has all been so hard.
You will be more successful at dealing with the realities of your situation, the realities of your mom's situation, and the realities of nursing homes, if you are really super clear about reality! For example, the tubes in your chest and what you have gone through are of course incredibly important to your life... but they have nothing to do with what nursing homes are trying to do; and telling someone who runs an institution that those institutions should all be shut down isn't a great way to get them to help you or work with you. Of course you have a lot of feelings, and... well, a lot of people seem to feel that objecting to a problem is the same as negotiating to improve it, but it's not. Negotiating to improve the situation makes you a team-member or, better yet, a team-leader, on your mom's behalf; just objecting and making scenes just makes you into a problem too. As JenJiks says, document, use channels, like that. Work with the reality and realize that everyone else, like it or not, is limited by their situation too.

I am sorry for the situation you are in. I realize that for the most part hospitals and most NH are not rendering good quality care for the elderly. Without a daily presence of the adult child, advocating for the elder, and making up for the neglect/less than ideal physical care of the elder, they tend to leave the hospital, rehab or NH with additional problems or weaknesses.Of course, the top 1 % in the USA have lovely NH which render terrific care but the normal middle to poor American will not receive that level of care. They treat problem X, but the elder leaves with additional problems and weaker because there is never enough staff to walk them with their walker, feed them if they require assistance went their food arrives. The best thing a family member can do is be present for all 3 meals, to encourage and assist them in eating. The kitchen staff will pick up an untouched tray if the patient can't manage the eating process alone. They seem to think the elderly should get better on an empty stomach.
If you have to keep her in a NH, her situation will likely worsen. Your mother isn't being treated in an odd way, this is the normal treatment of the elderly. They are written off as old and they are not treated with the dignity and respect they deserve as American citizens who contributed to our society all their working years.
Take care.

I agree with Charles1921. I'm in the midst of trying to get my mom's medical records from a nursing home 2 years ago that was supposed to rehab her. Instead they gave her the wrong drug and it caused her to have a seizure. My mom NEVER had seizures in her entire life. That sent her back to the hospital and 4 months later she died because of the irresponsibility and negligence of the doctor who started it all and the case managers, nurses and the 1st nursing home. But lightedpumkin, there is more than one way to skin a cat. It's called social media and that can do more damage than filing a lawsuit. I'm still wanting to pursue a lawsuit but have come up against many roadblocks, but reading your story and the few others on here inspires me to do what I can through social media (and putting pressure on your state's lawmakers) to expose these crooks. I sincerely hope your mom recovers and you are able to thumb your nose at those who injured her. You're right, what goes around, comes around and they will get their due.

Depending on your State you should reach out to your Dept of Youth and Aging, Dept of Health and report the situation to the Umbudsman. They are patient advocates. The nursing homes and rehabs in this country are in desperate need of a comprehensive oversight committee to look out for our elderly. I have seen abuse first hand and each time I make a stink and file a report. I hope we can keep my Mom out of those terrible places. In my opinion it is because they pay the nurses so little. They are charging $3,000 on up to $13,000 a month and only paying a Los salary to the nurses. The staff turnover is high and insufficient nurse to patient ratio is critically low. If anyone is from a federal agency out there that has the wherewithal to get a program going. I will take a job and start in NY.

Remember. The squeaky wheel gets the grease . Report them first thing tomorrow .

It would seem this is an ongoing thing in most nursing homes, your best bet if you can do it and of course before all legal rights are taken because believe me they will try this these nursing homes from what I am seeing first hand are scams of the biggest sort. if your mother has anything believe me they will go after it and they will move to get her seen as incompetent and then they will deflame you if you try to stop them. my parents are right now being forced to stay in a nursing home they are trying to take my entire inheritance and toss me out on the streets. I returned home in Nov 2012 to help my parents and try to get my life back together after a very bad relationship. and the only thing that is happening is my family is being destroyed my parents do not eat right, they do not get the things they need, they overlook doctors appointments for my father and right now the VA is getting ready to drop him it would seem and he is a WWII vet. I have tried to get help but because my mothers doctor wanted her to stop driving she went and called protective elder services. do not ever in your life believe that these people are there to help because they are not they are only there to stick any seniors in a nursing facility, and leave them there to die so that they can sneak right in and take everything. between them and these strangers that they place on them as guardians and conservators. ya the one my parents have god only knows what bills he is paying cause so far I have not seen anything. I got a job and lost it thanks to him. can not afford my own medications. my home and my vehicle are being threatened to be sold because he says my parents are in that bad of debt when i went through the debt and found the solutions to it all. but yet I know nothing and to these people I am not worth a damn thing. I have gone to all the state law makers, the governor, the senate even went and emailed the president, have emailed every media source and nothing. some people told me to be careful because these people are dangerous.. I can see that . they lie and commit perjury and get away with it. they are saying my mom has vascular dementia and can not make decisions for herself but they do not feel I would be suitable to take care of the bills and such instead they place a guardian over her that she has to pay and here they say they are in so much debt.. now who is bullshitting who I ask. right now I am pushing to finish my bachelors degree at home and who knows if I will . I can;t seem to be able to pay my own bills and I am being ignored by this guardian so I may just be ending up with having nothing and ending up on the streets before christmas. this is unconstitutional in every manner of the sense and as crooked as it comes.

Lightedpunken, I am so sorry what you have been going through. Last year at this time I had this same situation with my mother who wasin two nursing facilities. The first one that she was in she almost died. They neglected her. One day I was visiting her at that nursing home where I found her unconscious. I told the nurse and she was indifferent. Her physical therapist yelled at her while she was unconscious. Then mom was admitted back to the hospital which is across from the facility at least two three times .Then was released back tot he nursing facilities and sent back to hospital. Mom was cogent enough to have the paramedics to take her to another hospital. They saved her life. After she was released from that hospital, I have placed her in to another nursing facility close by to there just incase she got sick again. They did a great job but still had some faults. I am with you and I feel your pain.

I believe that many of us caregivers face this anger. I have never felt so much I have never felt such anger than over the past three years as I encountered my Mum's neglect and have shouldered the responsibility. Now I need to get others to take some of the responsibility from me without compromising Mum's care. This has been the most difficult experience of my life. So I really relate - in so many ways - how important it is to maintain your Mum's care - as it is SO much easier to provide the care in advance and maintain it consistently - and we CAN'T do it ALONE - or perfectly. In Canada the social service agencies don't provide much help - but they do some - unfortunately its time consuming and not personalized. Quite frankly they want my Mum to go into a home - once the care needs go above a fairly minimal level - as its cheeper for them to pay near minimum wage to a home - and have my Mum's life end sooner. These are the realities of the bigger story that surrounds us.
Use your anger - try not to loose your anger.
Ask yourself what's the bigger picture here and use your anger strategically - to make a change to more than your situation
Always work to see every possible point of view - understanding is power
I'm walking that fine edge now and I wish you well - hope it helps. ALL we can do has to be enough. And don't forget none of us are perfect - although we are doing a great job. We must avoid becoming Martyrs. That seems to be a caregiver trap.

This is a real problem for the elderly. Do not feel quilty. If I were you (I'll be in that same position soon) I am going to have a nurse come in for a couple of hours a day. That will help a lot!!!!

I had a very similar, unfortunate situation with my mom; she went from the ICU to a rehab floor in a nursing home after a fall and fractured pelvis. I stopped in 2-3 times a day, got to know the staff, brought treats to the CNAs, had meals with my mom, went to rehab with her, etc...and one day she didn't feel well and was coughing a lot. I asked the nurse if we could see if my mom had pneumonia (I knew she did as this was a weak spot for her and she was on oxygen 24 hours a day)...the test took a week to get ordered and results back...and 5 days of antibiotics, my mom wasn't better yet....and she complained of severe abdominal pain and wasn't urinating or eating. I tried to coax her to drink and eat...and told the staff MY MOM IS REALLY ILL....they said "we'll call the doctor"...so about 3 days of this I said I WANT MY MOM TO GO TO THE ER....which took HOURS for the doc to approve, etc....long story short, the paramedics provided life support and my mom was on an epi drip in the ICU for days due to septicemia. She never walked again as the illness debilitated her so badly. I had her come home after she was out of ICU and took care of her, with help of private duty CNAs and hospice until she died a few months later. I will NEVER get over the emotional trauma of that experience....to watch my mom go from walking and getting ready to come home from rehab, to being so severely neglected that she almost died. THe experience led to a major decline (and unnecessary one) in her life....and we both suffered a lot together until she died, trying to come to terms with it all and to forgive, and move forward. I did report the incident to a state agency and the nursing facility was fined for the incident. I could've gone further legally but chose to use my energy for positive time with my mom. I will go to my grave fighting for nursing home/rehab reform. WE trust our loved ones with facilities that are understaffed, with employees who are underpaid (and often very dedicated)....something has to change. I am sorry for what you went through. I can see you are not alone and I hope that our support gives you some comfort and encouragement.

Lightedpumkin, My eyes filled up with tears reading your post and whomever and wherever you are I pray you and your Mom will be okay. I agree with you 100% on everything you said. I use home help to get me through the days with my Mom because I also don't want her a Nursing Home, but I understand you had to~! You did your absolute best and you had to do it and you can't feel as though its your fault. I love what you did to the Administration, its the sad pathetic truth and I hope they all go down! I have interviewed, trained and watched CNA's in my own home bathe my Mother before I trusted them . One was a CNA for over 30 years. She used 1 cloth and dipped into the fece to do her peri care. I was floored and said "What are you doing?!?!" She said "what?" they only get one cloth to wash and one to dry at NH's and shes always done it that way. I said "well no wonder they all get UTI's!" I've heard hundreds of stories from hiring/firing caregivers until I found just the right one who is awesome. They don''t care. My own neice works at a very expensive one and told me they are all like that and they get in trouble if they take too long with a patient. I once asked a CNA I interviewed "what do you do if they want to talk or hole out their hand to you in a Nursing home?" She replied, "well at first I say I will be right back, (but I wouldnt go back), but then I got so used to it I just walked away." Dementia is a scary disease, how dare they walk away. A lot of caregivers I interviewed wanted to do home-care because they couldnt stand the quality of care they had to give. One said to me "a Nursing Home is easier that home-care because you can do what you want and no one is watching you!" I am sending prayers to you, my heart is wrenched and please take care and keep in touch. XO

so sorry for your situation, there are good nursing homes out there, just do some research on the computer, you can find how they are rated, employee turnover and many other things, I took care of my mom for 7 years and just recently had to put her into a nursing home as i am burned out, other than her falls which she also had when she was home, she seems to be happier, she enjoys going to choir and says staff is very attentive, will keep you in my prayers

My mom is in almost assisted living, not every benefit, but most of them. She is 87 1/2 and has dementia. Forgets things in seconds, but at least she asks and cares about knowing. Makes me crazy at times answering same question over and over. I really hope she doesn't live long enough or gets in the shape she HAS to be in NH. As someone else commented, many people just give up and die. Sad....

Every state has a nursing home-related ombudsman who deals with NH complaints. You should definitely file a complaint against this nursing home! Sure - one can say that nursing homes are understaffed and unlikely to provide quality care but they certainly should be monitored so that people do not end up in an ICU!!! File a complaint!

I swear't'gawd .. some really visible hollywood type needs to start a campaign. NO one pays attention to this stuff. It's not 'vital' enough or important enough. Maybe Oprah? or Ellen. Someone people HEAR. Arggggh. We just went through this with Edna. If we hadn't been there, every day, for MOST of the day, she'd have spent her day, in a wheelchair, in the hall, head hanging on her chest. I found her there, one day after taking a two hour break .. and she'd already been in that chair for a while, before I'd left and was promised she'd be moved back to her bed within the hour. Right. Took us four days to convince them she wasn't eating because her throat hurt .. NOT because she was depressed .. Turned out to the such a bad case of thrush (from the antiobiotics she'd had for a gall bladder infection - yes, sepsis), that the doctor wasn't sure it wasn't herpes.

She's about to be released after a gall bladder removal and the docs wanted to send her again. Over my dead body.

Lightedpumkin, I'm sorry you have so much on your plate right now. Report the NH to the state, for sure. But then, make sure your mom goes to a NH near your home so you can visit her a lot. Think of how much more time you can devote to her emotional needs if you're not doing all the day to day stuff for her. Because of your own recovery, you'll have days when you won't even feel like doing day to day stuff for yourself, and you need to save up your energy for those, while still meeting your mom's needs.

When my husband was having trouble staying hydrated, I went every day. As soon as I showed up, if he didn't already have a drink w in the rehab facility, I visited every day. As soon as I arrived, I checked to make sure he had a beverage within sight and reach in a clear container so he knew what was in it. If he didn't, I channeled Cuba Gooding, Jr, from the Jerry Maguire movie and said, "Show me the beverage!" Then I reported it to his case manager at the facility. They eventually caught on.

When your friends ask you what they can do to help your through your bout with cancer, ask some of them to visit your mom. The patient with the most obvious family will get the best care. Maybe it's not right, but it's the way it is.

If your mom needs help eating, ask your friends to go at meal time, so they can report back on how much your mom gets, how much she eats, and how much and how long the aides help. The staff won't be able to assume your friends will help feed her. If you're around at mealtimes, you probably always end up helping, but you want to know what she gets when you're not there to watch and/or help. They probably keep a log of how much she eats and drinks, but I've seen those logs for meals eaten in my presence and they overreport. If my husband ate three bites of chicken, that went down as 20% of a meal. If he had two bites of pudding, they recorded half a serving of liquid.

((((Here's a big hug!))))

I am so sorry for what you are going through with your mom which has been made worse by your own medical issues. I too have had the same issues with nursing homes. My 91 year old mom lives with me. She fell and fractured her knee and had to stay in a nursing home to rehab. I know what you are talking about when you say you can't take care of her when she can't walk. Me too. I am 64 years old and work full time. Mom stays by herself during the day and for the most part is good. But if something happens where she can't get out of a chair and walk (with her walker) then I have a big problem and she has to go to a nursing home to rehab. She also has dementia from normal pressure hydrocephalus. When she is in a nursing home, I type up huge signs to post in her room telling them she has dementia, cannot accurately answer questions, will probably refuse PT, etc. and telling them to call me on my cell phone. I talk to the nursing administrator and tell her that they are not to change my mom's meds without discussing it with me first. Last year when she was in a nursing home for rehab, she was talking crazy (UTI), they said she did not have a UTI and they ordered a psych eval and psych medication which they called me first to get my ok and of course I said absolutely not! Two days later, she was in the hospital with a systemic UTI positive for ecoli and mersa. and that was right after the nursing home said she did not have a UTI. She went to the hospital and I put her into a different nursing home after that. You have to be proactive when your loved one is in a nursing home. I was up to see my mom every day plus I paid her companion to spend a couple of hours a day to sit with mom (to be my spy). I managed her care and did not let them have control. They didn't like me and I don't care. Like you and your mom, I told them that I know my mom was old, but she was going to die on God's terms and not because of nursing home indifference/neglect. So far, I have managed to keep her alive and the nursing home staff fears me, and that is a good thing Good luck with your mom.

There are many many problems with the healthcare system in America. The housing & treatment/care of the elderly has been pushed to the forefront because of the growing & aging population & the fact that they are sicker than the rest of us. I for one have not seen a medical professional in 15 years at least. I am 61 YOA & healthy as a horse. I have a decent weight, height & do not overeat or drink even socially anymore. No coffee, just some black tea. Anyway, I live alone in a comfortable home & am able to prepare all my own meals. I can still drive & get to where I need to. All of this changes with the elderly. I believe a big part of the problem stems from society's readiness to put the elderly & sick in group homes.
Right now, not surprisingly, the country is owned & run by pharmaceutical companies (that's where the biggest money is) & social services. Those 2 industries are served very well by an instituttionalized America. As long as all Americans are under a roof, under either chemical or physical restraints there will need to be many social workers & many meds. Having said that alzheimer's as everyone knows is a huge problem. All you have to do is visit any posts, shares or anything to do with 1 elderly making 1 error in judgement the first time in their independent life & every reply or comment to that post, EVERY COMMENT will be time for an institution, time for a NH or time for an ALF. Really. Well I have made alot of mistakes in my life & they will need alot of government financing if everytime we walk across the street we could be run down by a car, therefore we should never cross the street again & the only way to make us not do that is to house us all of any age in a group building. I really feel like if the nursing homes did not exist at all, if the ALFs did not exist at all, if LTACS did not exist at all, someone would find a way to fund or get a family member to take care of these elderly in their own homes & they would be less of a cost to the healthcare system & live lives of greater comfort, security & dignity. Unfortunately I have never met a policeman, a social services any kind of worker or a healthcare worker that did not think that a physically healthy, ambulatory, independent senior with very mild age related memory lapses of momentary some days should not be in all possible wrist restraints, bed straps & mind altering meds and restrained to rooms in a building. Never met anyone that didn't think everyone that shouldn't be noticed because of their age & that they should be put away out of public eye so that god forbid we should all be reminded of our own mortality & weaknesses of age because then god forbid we should have to remember kindness, compassion, putting ourselves in the other persons shoes. We would rather only see happy healthy children playing, young lover's in love, excellent school systems. These elderly are not even allowed to family dinners, holiday dinners. They are just dumped & the police the goverment & social services pushes & advocates for the dumpings. As long as the drug companies, the social services & the burger chain facilities continue to make money off these dumpings no one over 65 will be allowed to live elsewhere or have independence. You have to cut off the money to these powerful growing industries or nothing will change.

As for advocacy from local or national government I cannot believe anyone thinks that anyone there would care about anything except their paychecks. Guess who pays those goverment people's paychecks. Big taxes. Which industries pay the biggest taxes. The ones that are the biggest money industries. The healthcare industry, the drug companies, and so on. Drug companies hold all the power. No one working for the government has anything to gain financially from exposing neglect or abuse in these places. Not if they want to feed their own family. So again the only way our elders are treated any better is if someone that actually cares about that person cares directly for them at home or in a facility. In other words you basically have to either take them home if you can OR you basically move into the home. I have known several caregivers that spent 6 days a week from 11am to 7pm in their patient's room. Bringing them to the dining room, bringing their own meal along, feeding the patient at the table or in their room. Being there whenever the doctor came along. I would personally rather take them home but some of us do not have a supportive floor plan, all my bathrooms-tubs & beds are up a flight of stairs. I would have to rent a 1st floor apt. on his SS check, if he died before the lease was up I would have to cover the 1K per month for the remaining months of the lease. But as long as he isn't a 1-2 hour drive from me each way, I can guarantee you I will be in the NH every meal 3 times a day feeding him since after this hospitalization & being in wrist restraints (arms straight out) 14 days he cannot feed himself. I will be there breakfast, come home, go back for lunch, back home, & then back for dinner. At least someone else will be changing his bed (hopefully) & he will have access to PT equipment I can't provide. However at the end of his 100 days when he is determined bed bound for life I will not see the reason to drag his 238 pounds up the stairs for a tub since he could never get in it & I will be bringing him to the sofa bed in the downstairs den not needing a walker, not being allowed access to PT anymore since the 100 days ran out of medicare & feed him in his bed in the den. The showers upstairs will no longer be an issue since he is bed bound spongebath anyway, that is if 100 days could not get him self-transfer. Now on the other hand if they do get him self-transfer I could still leave him in the NH and for the next year of life drive 30 mins each way 3 times a day to feed him what the aides won't so he doesn't end up forgetting how to swallow with his alzheimer's.

I just want to mention 1 more thing. Before he was sent by his NH to the hospital he was comp. ambulatory, toileting himself, going to the dining room on foot for all his meals, eating a regular diet. He had a 94 over something blood pressure so they sent him to the ER. At the ER he had a 13 WBC (only 1 point over their normal level of 1-12 & mild pneumonia) so of course they gave him 3 last line severe IV antibiotics). Next day none of the 3 were called for in the culture result so all 3 were dc'd cold turkey with him started on a new one. Next day his WBC was 5.1, next day his WBC was 5.0, next day ready to send him back to NH. Except an idiot rounding for someone else changes out the antibiotic that was working for no good reason except he prolly had a trip to the Bahamas off the drug company he changed it to & this new antibiotic he gave him caused C Diff, which in 48 hours caused a Toxic Mega Colon. Which means his colon (which was fine before) could rupture (it looked like a blimp over the stadium) and cause a very painful death. In this 48 hours it also shut down his otherwise healthy kidneys. Gave him a 55 WBC. So we said go ahead & remove the entire colon (so he would have to poop into a ziploc bag strapped to his tummy the rest of his life. Well this required general anesthesia which is great for mod to severe alz. esp since it requires a ventilator for a man breathing fine on his own otherwise. So they go in to remove his entire colon and there is internal bleeding, so now they can't stitch him up which means we are not going to extubate until stitching & he may die from internal bleeding anyway before morning so what diff. does it make. Remember he only went ER for 94 over something blood pressure. So now the bleeding heals & luckily he gets extubated fine 4 days later. But because no one has a right to breathe healthy on his own, they shoved a tube up his nose to feed him, give him fluids & 2 liters of oxygen. Now he was breathing on his own again & they refused to put in a g tube because he had colon surgery recently so I said alright how long do we have to re teach him how to swallow. So finally he goes back on solid foods, regular diet. Handles it fine for 2 days but instead of pot pie which was offered they send rice & fish. He hates both & because he doesn't chew & swallow properly what they sent he is now on pureed & mashed. After 2 weeks with arms restrained straight out he is needing feeding by mouth so obviously I will have to go to the NH 3 times a day to feed him. I will be preparing my house (cleaning - decluttering) to take him home after he can get no PT & will be called bed-bound the rest of his life.

And once again had he been allowed hospice at the NH like I wanted as only child & POA he would have been treated in house for the 94 over something blood pressure & would still be walking, toileting & able to eat all foods himself & still have all body parts & not be pooping into a ziploc bag the rest of his life because he wouldn't have had all 3 antibiotics that killed his colon & put him through all of this. Now I called 5 malpractice attorney firms in my town as soon as the md admitted it was the ER treatment that did this to him & none of the lawyer's firms wanted to look into the case as malpractice is hard to prove on an 85 year old with mod-severe alzheimer's. If they had given him one oral mild antibiotic for the 13 WBC till they got the culture result he would have been saved from all of this. As I say assuming that anyone will ever once care anything about the health & safety of these people is absurd, the government, the advocates, the healthcare staff. No one cares about anything except the money they can make off the person & how sick they have to be to make the money off of them & for how long they have to be sick & for what rate they can bill for how long. This has also promoted lying about how much they are eating, to how much meds they are on to the family & caregiver. As they used to say the proof is in the puddin. And the puddin is sitting there in front of the elderly who can't get at it & is also sitting in front of the caregiver/advocate but no one cares or this group home mentality would not have caught on & grown like it has. If you care you are there 3 times a day feeding them or you are hiring someone to feed them that will not care either. These places wouldn't exist or be getting away with murder unless the loved ones were letting it be so.

I am sorry to be so callous but from what I have seen in Texas, there isn't anyone receiving a paycheck that cares about either my mother or father, mother passed away on July 27, 2013 after a year & a half on a trache with oxygen & nothing by mouth. You don't know how often I tried to choose hospice for her instead as well but it wouldn't have made the people as much money so it never happened. I am again having trouble with involving it now on my dad. Only one reason money.

I shouldn't say no one cares. But if people cared even a little more, these places would either not exist or would not be so horrible or at least there would be changes.

lightedpumken, I really don't have the right words to say to you as I 'rescued' my mom (with God's help, could not have done it by myself) from her final stay at a nursing home, because I knew that if she'd have stayed a moment longer, she would have died right there with folks who could care less about her (but at least she got to 'go to sleep' among those who knew and loved her best, almost two weeks after she'd left that awful place).

I so agree with you about the state of nursing homes, but hospitals as well when it comes to the 'elderly', as because of them (in part) I truly believe that's why my mom ended up in one of the worst ones in Brooklyn (going in being able to walk, and leaving there NOT being able to do so). I also did NOT want to put my mom in yet another nursing home but was told by the hospital, "it will only be for a week or two at the most", well it actually turned out to be "one month and one week" later. If I had not pulled her out, prayed to God to let her come home and "leave from there" (the meds had taken her so far out of herself, that I she stopped taking them and eating once she got home, she kept saying she didn't feel good when she took them, so I honored her 'wish' and stopped giving them to her), she really would have died there while they 'went about their business'.

While I realize the majority of these places are grossly understaffed, nurses, etc. are underpaid, letting patients sit in their waste an d wheelchairs hour after after, is torture of the worst kind especially for those like my mother and yours who were walking around 'on their own way before they even got into these places'.
I am praying for you and your mom, that God will give you a way out and SOON, as He did with my mom. I miss her (and my sister) something fierce but know she's better off with God now than being here with people "just doing their job", and not really caring about her and in the others in the long run.

I agree 100% with the original poster. Same experience with my father and a rehab/nursing home. In his case, he was not a good patient. He went in with a UTI, he's 92. UTI created more dementia problems that what he had and he was drugged out of his mind.

Then the rehab where I hoped the PT would work with him to regain his strength. Because he was drugged and combative they stopped working with him. At one point she laughed in my face when I told her my father was testing his strength when getting up from the wheelchair.

He's been home for a few months now on hospice with home health aides. Doing much better. For the most part has his mind back. Off all mind altering drugs. He seems to maybe have sundowner, where for a while at night forgets that he is home.

But unless his dementia gets so severe that he doesn't recognize us etc I will not put him back in a nursing home.

Utis are very common in residential homes and nursing homes. and it can turn into sepsis.

the government is making more difficult for the elderly to be in full time residential care and nursing homes and I am in full agreement with it.

people last longer amongst their own things and doctors and consultants do not like care homes. I know that from experience.

it is alright saying if people cared more these places would not exist. due to government changes it will not be much longer that most of these places go bust as they should do. it can be hard to be a carer for a family member and have no life yourself.

Nursing home neglect is as serious issue in this country. First step consult with a lawyer who has significant experience handling these types of cases. This lawyer can assess the situation and appropriately advise you of your next step. It is my experience that government agencies are often short staffed and over worked . They rarely have the resources to be to do a full, thorough investigation.