The police told me to just call 911 next time I have issue. This morning my mother was trying to pack her bags and take the cat; she stated the Trailer Park down the street is going to demolition the house today and she must get out. I asked where she was going to go, she said oh, a hotel the one with the food kitchen. I was like the homeless shelter. She said no the other one. Whatever that mean. So, I call 911. I was desperate, and she told them a silently different story said the neighbors next door are demolition her house today and fracking under her house, so she had to leave, and they turned the water off. None of this is true. She passed their cognitive assessment so there was nothing they could do but they said they see why I called because she is off. So, they can see she not in her right mind but can't help me. They told me to get her to a doctor after they already heard her say multiple times, she told them she wasn't going. Honestly, I had to get in my car leave I drove out a way and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and I'm about to lose it. I have meet with a Lawyer about this. This Attorney’s wife has Alzheimer's so that def helps for me, he understands. I either need to get some help soon or honestly, I going to move out of her house walk away and not look back to save my sanity. I can't do this.
the next time she is delusional or hallucinating, again call 911 but this time tell them you think she has a UTI infection and that you can't get her to seek medical attention for it. Once she's there they will test her and if she has one, they will prescribe meds. Even if she doesn't have one, you ask to speak to the nurse and tell them she is an unsafe discharge, maybe even request a "social admit" (which is for psych reasons). 911 doesn't seem to take people to the ER for psychological reasons as the main reason (based on what other people in other states have posted on this forum). You tell them she is a vulnerable adult who packs her bags and tries to leave with no place to go. Make sure you tell then you aren't her caregiver and can't take care of her (they may pressure you a lot to take her back, even promising to "help" or "support" you -- no, this is a lie they just want her discharged). They will hopefully connect you with a social worker there at the hospital since your Mom has no legal representative. She might go into the psych ward depending upon her behavior.
The next issue is the attorney you picked. Don't go to anyone who isn't a CELA (certified elder law attorney). Your current lawyer with his ALZ wife is on the same learning curve as you and won't be helpful enough in the right ways. Also know that you won't have any control if your Mother doesn't agree to assign you (or anyone) as her DPoA. Even is you do become her PoA or even court-appointed guardian, it is very challenging to get an uncooperative adult to go along with your best-laid plans for them.
She needs to create her PoA first (and the attorney will assess her in the office and also make sure she isn't being pressured). Then she needs to have a cognitive exam, because the outcome of this exam may be what triggers the PoA authority. Otherwise a Durable PoA is in effect immediately, without an exam.
Also, you will find more information about dementia from Teepa Snow on YouTube. I found her videos very informative with lots of helpful tips and strategies on how to deal with people with dementia.
In the end you may decide to move out. If you do, you can report her to APS to get her on their radar as a vulnerable adult. Eventually they wil acquire guardianship for her and probably transition her to MC and take care of all her needs and management. You can still have a relationship with her if you chose, and you won't have to deal with anything other than visits.
It will be bad for a while as things get sorted out, but then the situation will improve. I wish you all the best.
There's a lack of free help or help that Medicaid will pay for. Money is a huge factor. Personal choice is also a huge factor. People who are a little "off" and even ones who are downright, bonafide crazy are not going to be deprived of their liberty unless they get hurt or commit a crime.
You got in your car and drove off. Instead of screaming and screaming which helped all of no one including yourself. Clearly it didn't occur to you to stay with your mother or have her stay with you and then you bring her to the hospital. Let her kick and scream. Force her into the car and bring her if the paramedics won't come. Ask to speak to a social worker at the hospital. Tell them her situation exactly how Geaton in the below comment says to. Then leave her there and go.
Also, It really doesn't matter if the lawyer "understands" because his wife has Alzheimer's because he isn't the people who test and decide that your mother is incompetent and needs a conservator. This part really isn't so important.
Move out of the house at once.
Report your mother then to APS as a senior at risk.
Tell them you had to move for your own sanity and cannot help her and she refuses intervention.
They will assess her and will decide if she should be 5150'd for mental hold for 72 hours so she can get diagnosis.
I recommend you do not accept care of her.
I recommend you do not live with her.
I recommend you do not accept POA for her.
I recommend you do not involve yourself because you cannot help her.
You will become a simply jailer, to no avail whatsoever.
Not everything can be fixed.
I was POA and Trustee for my brother who was diagnosed with early probable Lewy's dementia. He was organized, kind, cooperative, and it was STILL a job. It could not have been done otherwise.
You aren't a god. You are impotent in this situation and cannot help.
Report her to the state and keep reporting her over and over and over again.
Do it immediately, and good luck.
So glad you are making these steps and so agree on third party guardianship which allows you to remain the daughter, and not the meanie who drove her to her death.
It's amazing And shocking to me how bad a person can become, dementia-wise and nobody seems to be able to diagnose it properly, or pin down the 'problem.'
I would drive around screaming in the car after my DH would come home from caring for his mother--she has had some form of dementia for well over a year and has been impossible to deal with AND spreading the crazy through the family. DH says she's crazy as a loon--and I've said "she has dementia! You cannot teach her anything new! Stop trying to 'fix her'. "
Finally last week they moved her into an ALF. His comment, that night? "we should have done this 5 years ago." I wanted to cry over that comment. She's put so many people through literal hell as she maneuvered and worked the kids and the 'system'.
Next time she gets weird on you--take her to the ER. Insist on a cog eval. I couldn't BELIEVE that my MIL (whom the kids said was about a level 1 care need) actually requires a level 4 and possibly Memory Care, which she will hate. They were so blind to her behavior, they just let it go for too long.
I know it's hard. I just wish you the best of luck. Dementia is a creeping illness--and I don't know anyone who 'gets better'.
Good you got a lawyer to get your life back.
UTI would be my top guess.
Then other infections, under/over medicating. I read recently even dehydration & constipation can cause delerium in the elderly.
Have a calm chat with Mom.
Mom I am concerned about you. You have symtoms of another UTI. I've made an appointment with the Doctor. Maybe you just need some cranberry juice or D-Mannose tablets but it's best to ask the Doctor. Get an Action Plan for when UTIs happens again (like an asthma plan).
If this fails, do you have a Medical Hotline for advice? I've used that a few times now with refusing family members with symptoms of dehydration, UTI, jaundice.
I was told to ensure medication doses were correct (once there was accidental overuse of pain meds) asked about symptoms I'd noticed & to encourage plenty of water, also cranberry juice, or any other liquids. (Even cold weak tea for dehydrated old ladies who drink nothing but tea).
The intial line was "not really a question but a statement.."
I find people (including myself) use statements when feeling a bit out of control. To orientate ourselves.
Next DOES come questions..
What to do..
How to do it..
Who to ask for advice...
Statements get the topic on the table. Next is action towards finding solutions.