Mother in law lives with us & between the 9-5, the kids activities & our household stuff, trying to find a way to fit everything in without having to permanently hook-up to a dark roast coffee IV. While she can still do some of the daily personal care stuff, anything that involves leaving the house is all on us... appointments, errands, physical therapy, prescription refills (seems like this is an everyday run)... just exhausting, stretched really thin...
Any advice or suggestions are appreciated...
That compounded with the onset of Diabetes... she's a smoker... the list of medications is ridiculous! We've had them looked at by a couple of different docs, trying to get an assessment done to try to cut those in half, but every appointment she goes on, they seemingly put her on something else & it's hard to keep them all straight.
Family is way out of town... & we've also had to take charge of her finances, which were in complete disarray before we moved her up from Florida. I could go on & on & on...
The private caregiving companies charge an hourly fee and can help when you are too stressed. Don't think about the cost of the service, instead think about the time you will have to do want you want to do. If you get sick from the stress of caregiving, the cost of your care will be much, much more since the family depends upon you for so much. I would also ask some of the families members to assist also and give you some extra time.
Senior Companions is a federal program in many communities throughout the US--contact your local Area Agency on Aging to find the nearest site to you. If there is one, call and make arrangements to enroll your mother into the program. Companions can drive her to the doctor's office for an appointment or wait until she is completed her therapy. If not located in your area, then still call the Area Agency on Aging to see what other kinds of services are available to you--many of there are free.
Get some addtional help so that you can minimize your stress levels and take time for your family--asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of a person who values her family and time for herself--
On MILs Heath and pain mgt, consider asking drs to combine drug therapy with mandatory PT. This can really help. I'm an advocate for pain meds, muscle and inflammatory drugs but not long term with elders without mandatory PT or exercise program. My mom is 90 and was on multiple drugs and she seemed to get worsening dementia....we reviewed annually with drs but they kept renewing prescriptions and adding more for every complaint... My leg hurts, I can't sleep, I'm sad...on and on. Well a crisis occurred and mom got crazy and refused to take any drugs, period. I wasn't supportive of that, but wasn't able to monitor her everyday. She quit the drugs and it's been 9 months and she is better and emotionally better than the last 2 yrs. I don't advocate, but am convinced that all the drugs cumulatively were indeed not benefitting her.
With my dad the "Help me help you" approach always worked. "I'm trying so hard to do what's best for you. I want you to be happy and to feel ok but I don't think just my help is enough. I think we need more help." Or something like that. When I would point out to my dad exactly how much I did for him and I worded it right so it didn't sound like I was complaining he was more open-minded to suggestions.
When our parents (or in-laws in your case) become elderly and need assistance there are a lot of tough conversations that need to be had. Does your husband pitch in with his mom?
I notice you have some family members. You are so lucky, because you can delegate the chores. They are probably a huge help. It is so refreshing to have men on the group. It lets us know that women are not all alone struggling through this.
As far as the meds are concerned, I would speak to the pharmacist and get all her refills aligned to the same date either monthly or every other month. I would also arrange for home delivery to eliminate many of those trips.
Most of her health issues came to light while she was working so she is still technically on disability so the benefits are through a large national company but the fear is... with everything going on... how these healthcare changes are going to impact her? She's scheduled to have a couple more procedures by the end of the year, not sure if any of this stuff is going to be covered moving forward?????