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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I got accepted into graduate school but I also take care of my father in law who has Parkinson disease as well as diabetes. Should I not attend this fall. He can't be left alone but I know there are other alternatives? Should I not be so selfish?
If you have the resources to take your father-in-law to daycare during the day and/or have an aide come to help you, I think it is important that you go to school. One of the biggest mistakes for caregivers is giving up their own lives.
I will give you my advice, for what it's worth, knowing that ultimately, the final decision is yours and only you know in your heart what is best for you and your father-in-law. I will tell you that I do not know a single family caregiver that doesn't feel some kind of guilt. My guess is that even if you did pass on graduate school to care for your father-in-law, you might still feel some kind of guilt - perhaps that you're not doing enough, perhaps you had to take some time to yourself, or something along those lines. Additionally, the sad truth is that caregiving, particularly for a family member, is one of the most stressful jobs one can have. In fact, there is research that indicates that many caregivers actually die before the individual they're caring for. Stress and burnout are all too common. Personally, I do not think you are selfish for considering graduate school no more than I would consider you selfish for being thirsty for a glass of water. You have the right to at least consider it - let go of the guilt. Yes, there are other alternatives for your father-in-law. In addition to institutional care such as nursing homes and assisted living facilites, you could arrange home care for periods when you or your husband (or another relative) cannot be there. Then you, or your husband could fill in the gaps - i.e. spend time with him when you can. Under this type of arrangement, you will most likely even find that the time you spend with your father in law is "quality" time, as opposed to "caregiver" time. At the end of the day, everyone will be a lot happier. Feel free to reach out - Best, Jeff
Barthas is so right! I've been taking care of my grandma for almost 2 years now. I have no life, well not any that I'm happy to wake up to each new day. I have spent every dime I had in savings and I have no job other than 24/7 grandma duty. And guess what - there's NO benefits.
It's like I turned my house into a private rest home, and I never intended for that to happen. I thought grandma would function as part of the family, but she doesn't she just watches TV constantly and expects me to do everything for her (including change the channels for her!) She doesn't like for friends to come here and hides in her room. She won't join in at meal time unless it's just my kids and me. Is it any wonder that friends don't want to come around anymore.
I know I have to make some changes and reclaim my right to a productive life, aka: go back to work. I don't think it is selfish. But I do think it would be foolish for me to continue in self sacrifice. Hmmm...I think it's better to plan for when I'm old rather than ignore it could happen!!! The only thing she planned was to stay in her home for as long as she possibly could.
When I took all of this on I really believed it was the right thing to do. I have struggled from the very beginning, but I thought we were adjusting and it would get better, easier or something like that. No, I just keep getting more miserable and my kids too. Now all I can ask myself is, "Who exactly is this right for?" I won't say what you should or shouldn't do, but I hope sharing a little about my experience can help you make good choices **for yourself**
roxlang, Go to school!!! Doesn't your father in law have children, sisters or brothers to care for him.? Why is the duty falling to you? What does your husband say? Is he in your corner, or does he expect you to do all the work? These are questions that need to be answered, because you seem to be doing all the work and not expected to have a life. I was in the same boat, brother did nothing and mom wanted me to stay with her and be her social life!!! Set boundaries, get your life back and hire some help or make the rest of the family step up and help. Good luck. Linda
Thanks guys. My husband just dosen't know what to do but at the sametime he dosen't want me not to go to school. It is more of a financial situation, besides adult daycare I will still need care for my one year old. My father in Law does have another child but she lives two hours away. I am thinking it will all work out.
OK, I AM A LIAR! NOW I'M GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.
STAY IN SCHOOL!!! INVEST IN YOUR FUTURE.
Do not LET ANYONE TALK YOU INTO making excuses! Your one year old needs care and so does your father in law. - But it doesn't mean it's all on you to care for both! IT WILL ALL WORK OUT. Yes it will, but with the way you sound right now, IT WILL ALL BE AT YOUR EXPENSE!
By all means, tend to your child...but I'm sorry that hubby doesn't know what to do with his Dad. Please for your sake, LET HIM FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO FOR HIS FATHER!!!, If you can offer assistance between your responsibilities and classes that would be great / but otherwise there are services available.
Do not fall into the well meaning caregiver trap. Please!!! It is like a bottomless pit! But on the other hand, if you do...I've been in here for close to two years now-and I'll enjoy some new company!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's like I turned my house into a private rest home, and I never intended for that to happen. I thought grandma would function as part of the family, but she doesn't she just watches TV constantly and expects me to do everything for her (including change the channels for her!) She doesn't like for friends to come here and hides in her room. She won't join in at meal time unless it's just my kids and me. Is it any wonder that friends don't want to come around anymore.
I know I have to make some changes and reclaim my right to a productive life, aka: go back to work. I don't think it is selfish. But I do think it would be foolish for me to continue in self sacrifice. Hmmm...I think it's better to plan for when I'm old rather than ignore it could happen!!! The only thing she planned was to stay in her home for as long as she possibly could.
When I took all of this on I really believed it was the right thing to do. I have struggled from the very beginning, but I thought we were adjusting and it would get better, easier or something like that. No, I just keep getting more miserable and my kids too. Now all I can ask myself is, "Who exactly is this right for?" I won't say what you should or shouldn't do, but I hope sharing a little about my experience can help you make good choices **for yourself**
Take care,
Jamie
Go to school!!! Doesn't your father in law have children, sisters or brothers to care for him.? Why is the duty falling to you? What does your husband say? Is he in your corner, or does he expect you to do all the work? These are questions that need to be answered, because you seem to be doing all the work and not expected to have a life. I was in the same boat, brother did nothing and mom wanted me to stay with her and be her social life!!! Set boundaries, get your life back and hire some help or make the rest of the family step up and help. Good luck.
Linda
STAY IN SCHOOL!!! INVEST IN YOUR FUTURE.
Do not LET ANYONE TALK YOU INTO making excuses! Your one year old needs care and so does your father in law. - But it doesn't mean it's all on you to care for both! IT WILL ALL WORK OUT. Yes it will, but with the way you sound right now, IT WILL ALL BE AT YOUR EXPENSE!
By all means, tend to your child...but I'm sorry that hubby doesn't know what to do with his Dad. Please for your sake, LET HIM FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO FOR HIS FATHER!!!, If you can offer assistance between your responsibilities and classes that would be great / but otherwise there are services available.
Do not fall into the well meaning caregiver trap. Please!!! It is like a bottomless pit! But on the other hand, if you do...I've been in here for close to two years now-and I'll enjoy some new company!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!