My wife is 64 tomorrow and her medical condition is more then a lay person can handle. She has (and forgive the spelling) degernerative disc's diabetese neuropathy in her knees to her feet and in her hands to her fingers, COPD, macular in both eyes. She is unable to walk more then 20 feet with out assistance of either me, a cane, a walker or a wheel chair. She takes in excess of close to 31 pills a day all perscribed for chronic pain and depression. Now the problem is I am not a professional caregiver and this is way beyond my skill set and I am afraid that with all I do with keeping the house, making dinner, cleaning the laundry and the added burden of my Dr telling me if I do not cut the stress I could be dead inside six months. Oh and lastly my wife does not see a problem she thinks i just worry too much. She also has broken her back twice in the past 4 years because she thinks she is stronger then she is. Is there anything I can do to get help that she needs and prevent ME from dieing? and lastly I am cancer surviver and I am weak but I still keep up the fight.
Your wife wants to believe that everything is just fine as long as you are there to look after her. No matter what the evidence to the contrary, she thinks it will all be okay because she doesn't want to see the reality.
And you can't really blame her, can you? With a list of health difficulties and disabilities like that, who would want to look at it squarely?
But reality is reality, and however little she wants to have to do with it that doesn't mean that you can share her point of view.
Who are you already in touch with, in terms of medical and care services? There is a lot you can do to access help and support, I'm just asking in case you might already have good contacts to work with.
My point is that even though he could have been a little more compassionate, my husband was very honest with me. We’ve been married 45 years and he knew he had to be the “voice of reason”. You need to do this with your wife. Even with her health concerns, she needs a dose of reality. Explain to her that you need help. The two of you need to honestly speak about what avenues you can explore. Would it be home care (and I don’t mean a few hours a few days a week. You need more help than that.) or, is it time for a facility? Maybe Assisted Living for the 2 of you. Be persistent. You need to advocate for yourself. But don’t beat her over the head with it. Maybe when she goes to her doctor, you can enlist their help. Good luck. I know this is extremely difficult.
If your financial means are such that this is not an option, contact your county and request to be assessed for in-home services, which you may qualify for, free. This will also buy you some time to explore more permanent solutions. Wishing you good health and answers!