My Sister is the primary care taker of my 93 year old mother.
I used be able to see my mother once a week. My sister is taking care of not only my mother but her ailing husband with Parkinson's disease as well. Recently, she is consistantly refusing my requests to see my mother. I am not permitted to go to her house to see my mother. She has restricted me to only seeing her when she chooses to drop her off at my house which is becoming less and less.
I have not seen my mother for over two months now.
The last conversations with my sister has not lead to any access to my mother. My sister has been verbally abusive to me and now she has threatened to put a restraining order against me. I am considering hiring a lawyer .
One lawyer has told me to petition for custody of my mother.
I just want to see my mother but my sister is isolating her.
Do other siblings have the legal right to visit their elderly parent in a cases where another siblng is the caretaker? Legally, what can I do to get legal representation to have visitation rights to see my elderly mother?
I fear I will never be able to see my mother in her living years ever again.
My sister has been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me. She refuses any assistance I may try to offer her. She now makes ultimatums "You can quit your job and YOU take mom Monday through Friday". She just threatened me with a restraining order just for calling her. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless to know end. She is alienating my mother from me and her other daughters. I am one of two sisters she has done this to.
Caregiving is beyond exhausting and she is caring for 2 people. She is treading water with everything that she has.
When you talk to her are you supportive and appreciative of her sacrifice for you all's mother?
I would step back and look at everything that I have said or done that was not positive and supportive, then I would take responsibility for every thing that I did and everything that could have been taken as criticism or complaints and beg her forgiveness by sending her flowers and a card with a letter. Asking what you can do to help her, offering her a real break by taking mom for a while and telling her that she has been an amazing woman and doing what no one should have to do alone. Ask for a do over and support her, encourage her and mostly keep your mouth shut about anything she is doing that you don't agree with, because no help means you have no say. That is how it is, sorry.
She is feeling threatened by whatever has happened between you and she is just trying to stop unnecessary bs because she is overwhelmed with all of her responsibilities caring for 2 other humans. I think that being the sole caregiver when there are multiple daughters could explain why she is resentful and pushing back. You and your other sisters have to make a big effort to help care for your mom, not just visit. Acknowledge that and apologize for your actions. A soft answer turns away wrath.
Isthisrealyreal has good suggestions. You need to step up and come together for Mom's sake. And keep communications open between the other sister too. These are IMO and I hope it works out for you.
When they did come it was only for a very short visit. Mom was always glad to see them.
I can tell you it is extremely exhausting to be the primary caregiver so maybe you can stay long enough for your sister to get some much needed rest and your mom will be happy to see you.
Why can’t you call your mom directly? Does she not have her own phone?
My mom is now with my brother. I don’t have any desire to see him for valid reasons. I can call mom on her cell now. My brother changed her phone number to try to hurt me. I got her number from his son, my grandson. So I know how you feel. I also know how your sister feels.
Obviously, your sister and siblings have issues. Don’t know if your mom is behind it like my mom. Mom pitted us against each other. So much criticism from mom and siblings that I simply said to mom if they can do better go live with them. I did more than my share with having her for just about 15 years in my home.
Hope all of you and your mom can find a viable solution. I truly do.
It doesn't help that she won't accept any help that you can practically offer; instead, she's being angrily "all-or-nothing" about it and taking everything you say as a threat or a challenge or a criticism.
Does she get any support in her caregiving routines from anyone? Any agencies, professional services, social services, health care teams involved? Somebody needs to help her get her perspective straightened out so that useful changes can be made, but I appreciate it must be very difficult for you to have positive conversations with her.