We have visited and applied to many local nursing homes, but all have over a year waiting list. We should have anticipated this, but we didn't. Her medical needs are way beyond our capabilities, and in home care is more than she or we can manage. Medicaid at home assistance in our state is only a few hours a week. Unless she has an acute medical incident requiring a three day hospital stay, she cannot get into a nursing home before her money runs out. What can we do? We seem to have no options.
Get her on every waiting list you can. Visit homes AFTER she's on the list.
Make sure you are casting a wide geographic range.
After a long and tedious search a friend of mine found a religious group that ran a little nursing home. There were only two dozen residents or so. They accepted Medicaid. The place was simple, clean, and the staff was friendly. She placed her older sister with them after the money from the sale of her sister's home was spent and she could no longer afford the "nice nursing home".
I've been taking care of my mom with end-stage Alzheimer's for YEARS and it has taken enormous emotional, psychological, financial and physical toll on me. it's very hard and VERY stressful that I do not recommend this route for anybody. However, I love my mom dearly so I put up with anything she can dish out, and I care less about my own life and health and willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to keep her comfortable and going. Because when they are gone you will never see them again. I often get nightmares about this. I dream of my mom dying or turning into a skeleton in front of me and I wake up screaming.
I tell people put them in a nursing home if you can. Otherwise you will end up like me and every waking second is attending to a very old, confused, weak and sometimes combative person..and every second constantly on guard for her safety. It's very hard. It's a very heartbreaking..and backbreaking..experience.
So it is not all on the nation to provide for us in our retirement you have to save and prepare for your retirement.
Forget about saving money, the house, and "valuables" to pass on to your heirs this is what you use your assets for. No one wants the house, no one wants Grandma Betty's dresser...what they want is to not have to take you in because you can not live alone any longer or have to worry when you need extended care.
State social services or county free client, or the local hospital patient advocate might also know of something. Approach it from the other end, check with home health care providers in area... they might have the answer as well. Also talk with the local colleges department head professor that runs the college program for the nurses/medical students that may be willing to exchange services for a place to stay while still in school. There are alot of homeless college students that need somewhere to stay...maybe one could be trained in the needed skills and exchange their help for room & board... just some thoughts. Take care & may God Bless and protect you & you family. He can & does provide miracles! Good luck.
It is possible since she has been "private pay" they would keep her as a resident.
If not the Social Worker or Director may have insight as to where your Mom could move.
Often a call from the Social Worker or Director at one facility can open a spot sooner than if you were to contact them on your own.
I am in a similar situation with the exception that my mother was evicted from an assisted living because of aggressive behavior which the aides invoked. But that is a whole ‘nuther conversation.
In retrospect, I wish I would have used the $90,000 that I wasted on assisted living and bought a house and hired private duty aides to keep my mother safe for as long as possible. Now my mother is back living with my husband and me and not only is it placing a strain on my marriage, it is affecting our health.
I know it is too late for the original poster, but others need to be aware of what a scam the assisted living industry is. Choose placement carefully.
Contacting your local agencies on Aging is very important right now. If there is a discharge imminent from the ALF, reach out to your Ombudsman, Adult Protective Services etc. They can not carry out an unsafe discharge that puts the resident in harms way. This will prompt the ALF to go further to assist you and your needs.
Is the ALF your Mom is currently residing in a Medicaid approved community, after a private pay spend down? Do they have a sister community or a SNF that can assist. Press them, as there is nothing to lose. They are culpable in this situation. You should have foreseen this but they did not due their due diligence in assessing your ability to pay from the start.
Many SNF/ Skilled Nursing Facilities will take direct Medicaid or admittance after a spend down of 3-6 months private pay. The year wait seems excessive; is this a year for private pay or waitlist? If it’s a waitlist, then you need to call weekly to each SNF, since people on the list move into another facility, remain at home or pass away while waiting. It is only a guesstimate on their part and very fluid.
Going to the hospital is only a very short term fix. Getting a 3 midnight admission into the hospital to qualify for a Medicare event is not a given. Also, if admitted and discharged to a SNF; likelihood only a small fraction of the 100 days granted by Medicare is to be given. Medicare does not keep paying if certain medical metrics are not met.
Is there an a life insurance policy in place that has a value of $100k. The value in the policy has the potential to offset care costs. Companies will give a percentage of the policies payout value for needs like these. Something to explore.
Finding a live in might be your immediate answer. Look to your local churches and charitable organizations for potential candidates.
Good luck. Gods speed.
Between a rock and a hard place.
Biscer611 offers good advice, I think.
Also, how much money exactly does mom have left? Is it enough to move her right now to a SNF and private pay for a period of time? Then, the SNF would receive the financial benefit of her spend down (not the AL that's discharging her). SNFs are used to this situation, and some have spelled out the term that a resident has to be on private pay before they can stay with 'Medicaid Pending'. Of course, all this varies state-to-state because of the wacky way that Medicaid is funded (and it's about to get worse).
And, as you've noted, the quickest way to get to the head of the line and get to 'Medicaid Pending' status, is a hospitalization. Make sure, if the AL does send your mom out to the ER for an acute incident, that you are on top of it. Do not let the hospital put your mom in observation. It can be just a status, not a specific place. It may seem like she's been admitted because she gets a room, but they may not have her status as 'admitted'. Push back. She needs to be admitted or her time in the hospital doesn't 'count'.
There is a comment down below here made by someone " AtWitsEnd2018 ". It does make sense and it would help in case you dont have any money, but if you have the space in your house and no family.
It hurts when you lose a family member. It is painful, but it hurts even more when someone else causes the death intentionally for one reason or another. Age should not be a reason to deny someone the right to live or at least the right to have medical attention. In this country supposedly discriminating against someone because of their age is illegal, yet some places like nursing homes " feed on these innocent and weak seniors " defrauding insurance companies and yet they are able to get away with it. No one seems to be able to do anything about it. Some of the seniors die like animals and their story never gets told because the system makes it difficult in this country to even complain. Nursing homes rely on this to continue their " work " , without fear of any repercussions for their criminal acts hurting families, and killing our parents and grandparents " in silence ". My grandmother was literally killed by neglect and denied medical attention just because she could not defend herself at a nursing home in the Bronx, New York. She was in a wheelchair and had been admitted for physical therapy. From day one they were being very careless about her needs. I had to clean her because they did not want to do anything. From day one the nurse was calling me to bring blankets because she said there was a " draft " coming from the window. I brought the blankets, but complained that they should do something about it. They did not. I tried to bring in an electric heater and they did not let me. Grandmom was always thirsty which meant that they were not even giving her water. I had to bring fluids to give her. At the same time I had my mother in the same place due to pains from a hip fracture that she was trying to recover from. They were both in there for physical therapy. They kept them separately and they were telling my mother that if she tried to leave they would have her arrested. Several times I saw my grandmother in the lunchroom by herself trying to eat while the staff was standing nearby looking the other way. Everytime I would bring my mother to see my grandmother the " staff " would look the other way and start walking away from us. On the record they wrote that they were keeping the family " informed ". We saw grandmom with bruises on her forehead. I grew suspicious and when I tried to inquire from the " staff " they tried to make it look insignificant. Suddenly we lost grandmom and on the records we read that their own radiologist had done X rays and recommended follow up care for her which they did not do. Had they told me I would have taken her to the closest hospital for medical attention which they obviously denied her. Someone who writes for the New york Times did their own investigation and found out that this Hebrew Home nursing home, Riverdale, Bronx, New York had 27 wrongful death complaints in the Bronx courts. The District Attorney of New York has not done anything about it. He recently resigned after complaints from women that he had mistreated them. He did not follow up on my complaint and the nursing home continues to do business as if nothing has happened.