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So my Mother-in-law is 91 and good mind , health , hearing ! My husband and I are 65 and she’s in better health than us ! We have to travel to see her every holiday , every Birthday , every Mother’s Day and it ruins my holidays ! She’s negative and demanding . Is it wrong to wish her time would end ? I’m mean I think about it all the time wondering if I ever get to live my life with my husband without her . We travel every 2 to 3 months and it’s miserable . Also when we visit she just talks to my husband , and acts like I’m not there . She’s jealous of me and has been since day we married .

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How about if you and your husband take this Christmas holiday off? Don't go and see her this year.
Every holiday and even birthdays have been ruined by her for what I'm sure has been many years. Not this year. You and your husband take this year off, and most definitely MIL is jealous of you. She likely has been since the day your man put the ring on your finger. She isn't the first jealous MIL.

When MIL asks why, tell her anything you want. Like you've decided to go on a trip or to some of your family members this year. Or tell her the truth that she's such a miserable, negative, vicious pain-in-the-a$$ that you and your husband who are not young anymore yourselves, are going to celebrate Christmas together on your own this year. Tell her that neither of you will be travelling this holiday to see her this year and that she really doesn't care about seeing you, since she barely speaks to you anyway. Then let that be the end of it. Make your husband stay strong because my guess is mom will very likely try to guilt him down into the dirt about not coming. You can do it.
In the meantime, if she starts up with the vicious gossip about the family, tell her shut the hell up and no one wants to hear it.
People may think this is terrible to speak to an old person in such a way and I disagree. If someone is as you describe your MIL then they deserve to be treated this way regardless of age.
Stay strong in your refusal to travel to her this holiday season.
I wish you and your husband the happiest, drama-free Christmas holiday ever. Enjoy!
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How about if you and your husband take this Christmas holiday off? Don't go and see her this year.
Every holiday and even birthdays have been ruined by her for what I'm sure has been many years. Not this year. You and your husband take this year off, and most definitely MIL is jealous of you. She likely has been since the day your man put the ring on your finger. She isn't the first jealous MIL.

When MIL asks why, tell her anything you want. Like you've decided to go on a trip or to some of your family members this year. Or tell her the truth that she's such a miserable, negative, vicious pain-in-the-a$$ that you and your husband who are not young anymore yourselves, are going to celebrate Christmas together on your own this year. Tell her that neither of you will be travelling this holiday to see her this year and that she really doesn't care about seeing you, since she barely speaks to you anyway. Then let that be the end of it. Make your husband stay strong because my guess is mom will very likely try to guilt him down into the dirt about not coming. You can do it.
In the meantime, if she starts up with the vicious gossip about the family, tell her shut the hell up and no one wants to hear it.
People may think this is terrible to speak to an old person in such a way and I disagree. If someone is as you describe your MIL then they deserve to be treated this way regardless of age.
Stay strong in your refusal to travel to her this holiday season.
I wish you and your husband the happiest, drama-free Christmas holiday ever. Enjoy!
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 2021
BC, make her husband? He won't set boundaries and gets mad at her if she says anything to mommy's vitriol.

Probably would create more stress and unhappiness then just staying home alone.
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How about if you and your husband take this Christmas holiday off? Don't go and see her this year.
Every holiday and even birthdays have been ruined by her for what I'm sure has been many years. Not this year. You and your husband take this year off, and most definitely MIL is jealous of you. She likely has been since the day your man put the ring on your finger. She isn't the first jealous MIL.

When MIL asks why, tell her anything you want. Like you've decided to go on a trip or to some of your family members this year. Or tell her the truth that she's such a miserable, negative, vicious pain-in-the-a$$ that you and your husband who are not young anymore yourselves, are going to celebrate Christmas together on your own this year. Tell her that neither of you will be travelling this holiday to see her this year and that she really doesn't care about seeing you, since she barely speaks to you anyway. Then let that be the end of it. Make your husband stay strong because my guess is mom will very likely try to guilt him down into the dirt about not coming. You can do it.
In the meantime, if she starts up with the vicious gossip about the family, tell her shut the hell up and no one wants to hear it.
People may think this is terrible to speak to an old person in such a way and I disagree. If someone is as you describe your MIL then they deserve to be treated this way regardless of age.
Stay strong in your refusal to travel to her this holiday season.
I wish you and your husband the happiest, drama-free Christmas holiday ever. Enjoy!
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Let your husband visit her by himself. There’s nothing requiring you to visit anyone whose company you don’t enjoy
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BurntCaregiver Dec 2021
Exactly. Like she says the MIL barely even speaks to her. So why ruin your holidays travelling to spend them with someone like that?
The husband can go and visit her the day after Christmas.
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You are an adult. You visit whom you want, when you want.

Just because his mother (or any adult) tells you that you "must" do something doesnt mean you have to.
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I’m in a similar situation, my mother has treated me poorly before she was sick. I’ve tried to stay calm but this last phone conversation turned into a screaming match. Know your limits and keep your boundaries. It’s best for both of you.
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Sounds like you need to quit going to visit her, or at least definitely not as often. Nobody deserves to be treated like a doormat.
The feeling that you have wanting her to be gone, well that’s just normal human emotion. A person can only take so much abuse.
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You don't have to go with him. Don't you have family or friends you could enjoy the holiday with. MIL has to realize there is ur family too.
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Rather than wish the woman dead, just tell your husband you're not going to visit her except for once in a while. Neither of you 'have to' visit for every holiday, birthday, Mother's Day etc, so the problem lies with DH who is obviously the one making the travel plans. Tell him how miserable she makes you and perhaps you can decide together on fewer visits or that you'll be staying home for some of them. That sounds fair to me. I'd find it a nice break to have my DH out of the house for a while and to be alone for a few days by myself. Shop, get your hair done, live it up!
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Philphil901 Nov 2021
Yes , your right part of this problem is definitely my husband . He will not stand up to her .
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I haven't seen my M I L in years. When hubs goes over to see her I stay home. I don't feel guilty about it either. In fact it's her b'day today and they are all going out to dinner tonight. I'm glad I'm not there.

I'm a pretty kind, forgiving person. I give people lots of chances so for me to have reached this point is a perfect example of a person who used up all their chances with me and I'm done.

It sounds to me like it's time for you to be done with your M I L. No guilt necessary. If anyone tries to make you feel guilty ignore them. Easier said than done but with practice you can do it.
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JoAnn29 Nov 2021
I was married for 8 yrs when MIL got it in her head to move to Fla from NJ. A 16 hr drive on I-95. I was mad at first because we had a 4 yr old. The only grandchild living near her. But was probably a blessing in disguise. We visited once a year when the girls were off for the Summer. When they were out of school we went 2x a year. She just missed out on great granddaughters.
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Sounds like a real joy to be around. You do not need to go see her this often. Will your husband stand with you or is he afraid of the extra negativity this will unleash? If he won't stand up to her, you could always beg off and have him go alone and say you're sick. I'd be sick a lot! It's also unfortunate that you and your husband have not addressed her rude behavior of ignoring you. How long have you been married.

So, I don't think it's the best thing to wish for someone's life to end. Instead, you need to stand up for yourself and set boundaries, etc. She could live another 10 years so don't be thinking bad thoughts all that time.
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Philphil901 Nov 2021
You are so right . She could live another 10 yrs or more ! My husband says she’s 91 and can do and say anything she wants because of her age . No One in his family set boundaries with her . When I speak up for myself to her he gets mad at me . We have been married 38 yrs and have traveled to her every holiday . I now hate the holidays . We do spend it with our two kids but the very next morning we travel so it makes me dread the holidays to where I cannot enjoy them .
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I would not go for every event. You deserve to have some memorable holidays or birthday yourself.
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