MamaBearlyThere Asked October 2022
My mom’s driver's license expires soon. She has dementia. Will she need an ID?
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She is 76 yrs old and lives in AL with my dad. He still drives, but his DL expires early next year.
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my MIL’s driver’s license expired last November on her birthday. She had been in AL 8 months & was very angry that she was there. She couldn’t live on her own. Her house was a hoarder house & smelled like a sewer because it was falling apart around her and her teacup yorkie peed and pooped through the entire house since she never left the house. She thought the house was haunted after husband died. She would become lost if trying to go to the grocery store. She couldn’t clean her house or pay her bills. She was supposed to be the executor for her husband ‘s estate but gave it up to her son because it was too hard for her. She moved to a hotel and then to her sister’s. Her nephew insisted that she move out or he would have the police remove her and that was why AL.
We did not take her to get a real id. It would not have been good to take her to the DMV. She would have insisted on not returning to AL and she couldn’t live with us with her dog. I told her that her dog couldn’t come with her. We also told her the rules would be too strict - adult day care during the day, no uncontrolled shopping, limited tv watching and her room would have to remain clean and she would have to shower at least 3 to 4 times a week. She would also have to have regular dr visits.
Instead doctors come to her, she keeps her dog, she can watch tv all day, but she can’t purchase like she used to and she can no longer call the police every day to report her delusions that people are trying to rape her or attack her or steal or kill her dog.
I don’t think your mother is in the same situation. A real ID might work. My MIL doesn’t need an ID.
Otherwise, what other non-expired ID does she have?
It is needed for a lot - legal affairs, medical needs.
Certainly, it is better to have and not need it . . . than to not have and need it!
Gena Galenski / Touch Matters
I strongly recommend you get your mother Real ID.
In my state the elderly are entitled to get their Real ID and/or renew driver’s license on-line or by mail rather than being forced to show up in person at DMV due to ongoing Covid restrictions, and I just looked to refresh my memory but even if the elderly’s DL expired March 2020 or thereafter, they can get a renewal. Yes, I read it repeatedly on our DMV website.
So in your state, too, you may be in luck to easily get mother Real ID without her needing to physically show up at DMV.
And to avoid unnecessary kerfuffle, get your father’s DL or switch it to Real ID before his renewal date,
You need to check CAREFULLY the Department of Motor Vehicles website for your parents’ state. Rules vary by state. And if you cannot determine the answer from the website, phone your state’s DMV, and if the person who takes your call can’t answer firmly and with assurance, thank them, call back and speak with another representative until someone can answer and point you to where on the website the information resides, so that if your local DMV balks, you have proof on the state DMV website. I only caution because I, on behalf of our elderly loved one was given wrong info that caused enormous difficulty, then when we got an in-person appointment with first availability 6 weeks later and brought in the bundles of proof necessary including bills (invoices) in her own name which was nigh on to impossible, then stood in line for 45 minutes even with confirmed appointment time, the minute we got to the window the representative said “why did you bring all this stuff and come in, in-person? This could’ve been done on-line or by mail due to ongoing Covid rules”. I honestly thought I was going to pass out. I was so angry I actually tracked down our state’s head honcho of DMV (with great difficulty) and gave him a voicemail telling calmly but forcefully of my utter disdain and disgust for the runaround we received, and bore eyewitness to the fruitless chaos of our local DMV and names of those who gave us incorrect info along the way. I got a stilted phone call of apology from his PA.
Anyway, to make a long story even longer, I stress that yes, having a valid ID card is wise, and try to get it on-line or by mail if your state allows. Don’t forget to get your father’s license renewed before it expires, or if he should no longer drive, switch it for Real ID before the DL expires. Maybe you can handle both parents’ card renewals at same time.
Good luck.
On a side note, I also contacted my local election board and had his name taken off the voting rolls. He was so proud of his vote and would have been devastated if he thought someone else might vote in his place, even me!
You will need a POA or other documentation that you have the authority to do these things. Best of luck to you, and God bless.
if hers hasn’t yet expired try to go online and have it renewed as a Permanent ID.
If that doesn’t work, just how does your State do drivers licenses? Like you go online and schedule an appointment? If so see if they have special hours for those over 65 or handicapped and schedule that.
if it’s old school wait in line situation & the bureau does other auto stuff as well, so it’s beyond busy, I’d suggest that you go the day before with a xerox of both their licenses & your POA and tell them the situation. I bet they will give you the paperwork and a time to take them both and as a speed pass. That what I did for my mom. Under an hour all in, easy peasy. Having a permanent ID will come in handy.
Good luck!
As for Dad, if he is still a safe driver have him renew too and get the license that is used as a national ID to travel. This is faster, cheaper and easier than a passport, and easier to replace if lost or stolen.
My name is Emma and I am an Alzheimer’s Dementia specialized caregiver and although I live in Washington state and ID requirements may be different I have found with my patients until they are at later stages it is important to still have identification. I just had my newest patients renew their passports and ID cards for identification purposes even though one of their dementias is progressing and the other may stop driving soon.
Again don’t take my word for it as I am in another state but the need for an ID has remained with my patients until late stages when the POA takes over most of the work to present ID and personal information when it is needed.
i hope this helps in your decision making process!
best
Em
My old client hadn't driven for years, but she did get a state ID which she needed sometimes to cash a check or show ID.