OK so here is a little backstory my mom let my brother put a modular home on an acre of her land back in the 80s he stopped making payments on the mobile home and just up and moved out of it one day. The home was in my parents name so they were trying to make the payments at the time I was living in a rental and I told him that I would move in there and take up the payments and pay all the back payments and they said if you do that and stay here for five years, we will put the 1 acre of land in your name I said OK sounds good so me and my husband moved in in 1993 we have lived here ever since. My husband regraded the land, added deck as, rebuilt entire walks, floors, spent all these years making this a home. I asked ever few years if they are ready to put the 1 acre (they have 5 acres) in my name yet. They would always say no that’s not do that and when I would remind them of our verbal agreement, they would say they don’t remember saying that. We paid the loan off for the mobile home many many years ago. My husband built a shop on the property where he works on cars and we raised a family here. I was 19 when we moved here.I’m 48 now. My mom is 82 years old and her health is not great. My dad passed away two years ago after battling cancer for 20 years I have two brothers, but me and my husband are the ones that always took him to the doctors, stayed at the hospital and took care of him at home and we have been the ones that have always taken care of my mom before and now after dads passing. Mom got a bad UTI that put her in the hospital back in the spring of this year and it made her have temporary dementia when I called my brothers and told them they wanted to get a lawyer out there so that they could be put down as power of attorney over her, I asked my mom what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to wait and me and her go to a lawyer and her make me the power of attorney because she knew my brother. We’re only interested in her money, not that she has a lot of it.
Fast forward to now and my mom was talking about how my brothers never do anything or come see her or even call her for Mother’s Day or even come for Christmas and she said is there anything that I can give you or do for you because you’re the only one that is there for me you and your husband.
I said nothing to start with, but then I said well there is one thing I really wish that you would either put an acre of land in my name and my husband’s or you will get a will or a trust threw up so that we will all be protected and not have to fight later on. She says oh no you’re going to get it. I’ll just be split up evenly when I’m gone and I said well mama that might be true but since the land that our home sits on is in your name, if something happened to me tomorrow, Marc would not have anything and she said oh yeah, he would get it because you’re his wife I said no it’s none of that is in my name it’s in your name so it would go to your children. She acts like I’m crazy for bringing it up and she says well maybe I’ll die soon and then everybody will be happy. I am not wanting anything to happen to her. I’m just wanting her to do a little pre-planning but I mean, this is been going on for all of these years. The only reason that I have stayed here. All of this time is because my kids loved their grandparents and they live right next-door and It was just a perfect childhood for them and I couldn’t bear the thought of just leaving and I actually I like to live in here too , then, as I got older, my dad got sick so I had another reason to stay close. but I feel like I don’t have any control over anything and I’m afraid a situation is going to happen where my husband is left with nothing . Do you all have any advice for me?
BUT - what to do now? You are right to be upset. You are right in the things you say, mostly. Who does your mother think "will split things up" when she's dead? The good fairy comes long and - zing - it's magic? She is very naive and uninformed. Lots of questions come up when an estate is to be divided. Surveys, taxes, etc. Does she want a court to have all the authority, some bored judge who has no idea what your mother wanted?
The only person who can untangle this is a lawyer. It will cost you and maybe her money. If she won't see a lawyer, you must in order to protect your interest and your husband. And that's that. Don't keep looking for other answers because there aren't any. A lawyer. You have my sympathies for being in this situation.
You will probably need to see a lawyer, but think about this first.
You're going to have to simply level with her and explain that without a proper will, she'll die 'intestate' and the courts will divide her estate in a manner that is unfair to you and your family. Other issues come into play if she requires placement in a SNF because care costs will require that all assets be sold to pay for her care.
You can threaten her with your having to sell everything on the 1 acre and move, leaving her with no one to look after her, you can remind her of all you've done, but if she's stubborn in her dementia and lording this over you as a control tactic, you will likely have no option but to follow through on the threats. She's keeping this ace up her sleeve to exert control out of fear that she'll be left alone and she's forcing you to do just that or be left with nothing.
Medicade rules have a 5 yr look back on any asset transfer and you may end up with a lien on that acre even if she does now do a quit claim deed and transfer the ownership into your name. This is a true dilemma.
You need to take her in to talk with an attorney who can spell out to her what exactly her actions may result in: her sole devoted child and or SIL being left with nothing. You may want to look into the land laws on adverse possession, there's a chance that this may apply in this situation. But ultimately, she needs to be told by a lawyer what the reality is in her continued refusal to fulfill her promise to you and yours.
She has been controlling you with this failure to transfer deed and you'll have to figure out what will work best to allay her fears of being left all alone. You don't want to move from or lose the home you've made and that is what she's risking.
Please keep us posted and I wish you the best in finding resolution to this, for everyone's sake.
I would tell her that she either gets this taken care of or you will have to move on, time to play hardball with her, she is manipulating you.
She either gets to an attorney and takes care of this or she is on her own.
You have every right to be upset, I hope that you can iron this all out before it is too late.
I have seen this happen over & over again don't become a victim, be proactive.
Unless she takes this simple and painless step, you and your husband could be forced out of your home - not because your brothers are evil or cruel but because the estate will need to be divided equally and that could mean selling the whole plot and dividing the proceeds. Is that what she wants?
Perhaps she doesn't care to look forward to a future she won't be part of. We can all understand that, it's not the most enjoyable exercise for anyone, but putting your affairs in order is what responsible adults do and in this case if she doesn't do it she's laying a minefield for all of her children, not only you. I meant not to say anything unkind about your mother but it just disgusts me that anyone can be so weakly self-centred.