My mom passed away six months ago and I’m having a lot of issues trying to pack and also get rid of things of hers. She lived with me so they were in front of me constantly and everything reminds me of her and I just can’t seem to do it.My friend even tried to come over to help me and I’m just not ready.
Any advice?
What purpose does that serve, do you suppose?
Why would you have to do it?
Is this something other people are suggesting you must do, or something you have heard or read?
Tell us more.
And tell us what these "things" are. Are they things she loved or are we talking commode chairs and walkers?
I kept ONE thing of my brother's. A little carved dog that was the first thing in his "dog collection" (I collected horses). He took it through his life, now I have it. He was a collector of wonderful Monterey Furniture, Bauer crockery, and fine art potteries. But the little carved spaniel is what I kept and what daily makes me think of his.
We are all different.
My condolences on the loss of your dear mom, Carrie. We all grieve differently; we all have that RIGHT.
I already started throwing stuff away (not much)
Clothes she hasn't seen in years, things she wouldn't know they were gone.
When she passes, it will be difficult, because we feel by throwing these items out that belonged to them, we may believe is tantamount to throwing their MEMORY away. But it's not. Yes, these things remind of of them. I kept my father's bibles.
I kept a few trash bags of his clothes.
4 years have gone and I'm ok having thrown out the clothes. The bibles I'll keep.
I guess what I'm trying to say is..
If you feel you NEED to make room and discard, start small. Work your way with the more difficult things by giving yourself TIME. As much time as you want.
I feel for you. My sympathies to you as well. Hugs and prayers.
Take photos of things you love but are too big or bulky to keep, and frame them, or have the photo put onto a canvas.
Have stuffed animals or a quilt made from her favorite articles of clothing.
Take your time donating things, but remember, moms memory lives forever in your heart, not in her things. You've been grieving 6 months, and I have dad's suit since he died in 2015. There's no right or wrong way to do this.
My condolences on the loss of your dear mom.
"She lives in your heart, not in her things"
Maybe now I can get to the 2 bags of things I've been sitting on for the past year? Nothing special, just had to unpack my emotions first.....care-giving,mourning,adopting her cat.
It's only been a month, give your self some time.
I would say first and foremost, give yourself some time to mourn, get out of the house and do some fun things, or what you feel you want to do.
Then give yourself a time period, I will let moms stuff stay here for a certain amount of time. Id say 3 to 6 months, you don't want to get so depressed it becomes a hoarding situation.
Then at that 3/6 months time frame start doing a few things, and a few more everyday. As much as you can handle doing.
As for your friends, you are vonerable right now, don't let even the most well-meaning friends push you if your not ready yet.
This is the way i would do things, but you need to do things your way. Not your friends way or my way.
Take care of yourself, sleep, eat and get some exercise, or just move, what ever it is just move.
Best of luck,😔
I loved my parent's lamps, so I donated my lamps, and used theirs. Mom had some small china custard bowls, so now I use those small bowl to hold paperclips, and donated the containers I had been using. Also did the swap thing with jewelry, and some clothing. Yes, this can be overwhelming. Eventually you won't be reminded that an item was Mom's unless you think about it.
What helped me later down the road was I got interested in doing a family tree, that kept me busy for many years (lots of people). I found in-laws and outlaws. I found scientists and bootleggers. All those family Kodak moments came to be helpful. Then one of the cousins became interested in the family-tree, and now her grown son is interested :)
Some things you may be glad to live with forever. I live with many things that belonged to my parents and to my husband and I enjoy having them around me.
Realize that going through “things” is akin to taking a walk down one’s life journey. Start small. Move some of her things a little at a time into the place where she stayed. Just so they are not staring you in the face on a daily basis. As for old clothes, there are those who could really use them. Wouldn’t your Mom want to help in that way? When you are ready you can decide what the next steps should be. There is no timetable for grief. God Bless you as you navigate the process.
Or, consider "fill one kitchen trash bag full of trash", per day. When the bag is full, you get to stop. If you need to start with a smaller bag, do that.
Keep a donate bin always at the ready. When the bin is full, take it to a donations location. Bring in the empty bin and have it near where you will work, next.
Have a large trash bag always at the ready, as well as your "keep" bin or two. Anything over the space in that bin gets donated, for example.
In the meantime, give yourself some time to grieve. This is a whole new normal for you.
My feelings on this was very different. My husband and I emptied out my parents' house that they lived in since 1962 in one week. We gave all the clothes away to charity. Anything my siblings did not want and I did not want we threw out. The furniture that we did not want we left outside and people just took it. Pots, pans, utensils that were 70 year old put in garbage bags and put curbside for trash. No yard sales or anything else. I scanned the photos I wanted. I left the rest for my sisters, don't know what they did with them.
It was a little jarring to be doing it but I wanted it done. I wanted this sorry chapter of my life closed ASAP. It's been two months but no regrets on being ruthless. I've been emotionally tapped out for long time and don't feel a thing. It's only stuff and eventually all of it is going to end up in the trash heap put there by someone.
The house is sold, and that is that.
See All Answers