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My mom was living independently and had some health issues, falls and hospitalization. After rehab she is now living in an assisted living facility. We were hoping she could transition to independent living, but she will not do anything for herself. Will not get out of bed except for meals that are delivered to her room, won't go to the dining room and will not participate in anything. It has only been a week. When we visit she just stays in bed, no tv, no radio, no computer, nothing. She is obviously depressed, and I don't know how to help her. She won't walk with us, we offer to join her in the dining room for her meals, she is not interested in anything.

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Get her PCP involved immediately to discuss the depression and to write her a prescription for anti depression medication. The AL should also encourage her to get to the dining room for meals and discourage room service. My mom's AL allowed up to 9 meals a month to be delivered, and then charged $6 per meal afterward to discourage residents from holing up in their rooms. The Activity Director also knocked on the residents doors daily to make sure they participated in the activity programs going on.

Good luck to you
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Cover999 Dec 2022
Maybe some people want to be left alone. Isn't it supposed to be their choice if they want to participate or not.? For many the decision to be in AL or NH was made for them, shouldn't they be able to have a choice in at least one aspect?
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Yes to definitely address her depression right away, and yes to getting the staff involved in "rousing" her to go do things. Been there, done that with my MIL under slightly different circumstances. We made a very large poster hand-written by my husband (so his Mom would recognize his handwriting) which said, "Mom, please do what the staff is asking you to do. It will help you! xoxo Your Son". And the staff was given permission to point to it whenever she was being encouraged to get up and out.
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How was she doing in rehab? Did the depression just come on when she entered assisted living? Bring in a wheelchair and tell her nicely to get into and take her for "walk". She needs to get out of bed and out of her room. Bring her to meals or hire someone to do so since no one can expect you to be there 3 times a day.

Good luck.
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My mom stayed in bed for a little more than a week. In the second week she started to get curious and started to participate. You may want to give it a few more days. Mom finally went to an activity of ball toss and absolutely loved it. She never would not got to the dining room but the activities she loved,
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Moves are difficult for seniors, and a move to the more structured environment of a senior facility is even more difficult, especially for someone who is used to living independently. It will take time for your mother to adjust. Ask your mother's case manager at the facility their advice on how to get her adjusted to her new living situation. Ask if they can bring in a therapist to speak with and counsel your mother. If possible, try to visit her often during these first weeks, unless her case manager advises against it. Try not to feel guilty about her unhappiness. She is not able to live on her own any more. This may be a reason for her depression, just knowing that her health is declining and she can't be as free-wheeling as she used to be. If you think it would help, take her out for excursions - shopping or going to a restaurant, or to do something she likes. All the best to you and your mother.
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What an enormous roller-coaster your mom has been on! She was living independently. She had falls, hospitalization, and rehab, and has not returned to her home but is in AL. To be honest, I'd be worried about her cognition if she wasn't depressed.

I would tend to say: give her time to adapt, while monitoring her physical and emotional health very closely. Make sure she's getting the right nutrition and hydration. Make sure she's taking any vitamins and Rx her physician recommends. Make sure her new AL home is as inviting and comfortable as possible.
Look for small changes that indicate she's adjusting: getting out of bed, talking and laughing with you, doing something she loves in her own apartment, meeting a neighbor, joining meals.... It will take time.

My mother moved to a big, beautiful home to be near to me in her mid80s. The move was entirely her choice, and she was living in a community she knew very well. She was within walking distance of me, and I saw her daily. It STILL took her MONTHS to really adjust to the move. It was her FINAL move. This was where she would grow VERY old, or not old enough. The reality of the end of life hit her hard.
I knew she had turned a corner many months later when she agreed to let me plant a tree. Prior to that she'd just say, "I don't need a tree. I won't see it grow." She can now see that tree out of her 2nd floor bedroom window and talks about how big and beautiful it is.

Consult with staff and her doctor, too as you watch her adapt. The professionals know the expected stages and how to help her re-engage in life.
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I’m there with my wife. She seems in good spirits but will not do anything to strengthen her body. Just withering away. It is difficult to watch. I wonder what she thinks about her future.
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dkiely33 Dec 2022
Don't wonder - ask her. Try to have these conversations before it is too late.
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When getting old while going through multiple trama-like changes, one may lost ability and interest to adapt new enviornment, even feel scrared. Just wondering if family members could ask AL people to instroduce one or two "friends" initially, visit and talk to mom, eat with her, etc. to make this transition easier, creating more welcoming friendly atmosphere?
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ytekas: She needs to be seen by her physician, who can write her a prescription for depression medication. Do not delay.
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Please get her an appointment with a psychiatrist for an evaluation and treatment,
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