Lot of pain. The hospice nurse put her on liquid lorazepam and morphine. She is unresponsive since starting the medication and they said she can pass at any moment. Her oxygen is still at 91%. I feel like she’s going to pass without being coherent enough to know her family is with her. I really want to stop giving her medication to see if it makes her alert but they’re telling me to keep giving it to her every hour. She makes a sad face and shakes her head when I give her the medicine. I don’t want her in pain but I also don’t want her to be unconscious due to medication. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through.
It is the goal and the mission of hospice and end of life care to medicate to comfort even if this mean to make one comatose and below the level of dreaming.
This is no longer about your wishes and about family. For your poor mother this is about dying and she will be very busy doing it.
As a nurse I can promise you that most do not pass with interest in their family. They are on another journey. The old expression is medieval actually, that says "He turned his face to the wall". It means they disengage.
Please seek comfort for your mother now. She knows you are there and have been. She doesn't need rewakening to be reminded you are at her bedside. This is ABOUT PEACE and relief from PAIN.
I am sorry for your grief and pain in this loss. This is the circle in life. She's lucky to have you and to have peace and good medications. I wish her peace.
You have access to clergy and a social worker within hospice. I suggest that you call them.
My mom welcomed meds. She didn’t want to be in pain and she didn’t fear death.
Wishing peace for you and your mother while going through this transition.
End of life is a difficult process for US to endure. It should not be a difficult process for the dying to endure, which is why we hire hospice. Both of my parents had very comfortable and pain free passings thanks to hospice, and that's how I wanted things to be. So do you, if you really think about it.
Soon your dear mom will be at perfect peace and know all you've done for her out of sheer love. I pray God helps you make good decisions on behalf of your mom now.
Do what is best for her, that is the bottom line.
I know that this is a difficult time, however, please keep her needs as a priority.
I will assume you don’t want your mother to have a bad and painful death, please keep her on the medicine, as that is what is in her best interest.
Im sorry. It’s so hard to watch this.
It's normal for a person to have a period of unconsciousness leading into their death event.
However you really don't want her suffering in the excruciating pain that having cancer all over causes, and I know you want her kept as comfortable and pain free as possible, which is where hospice comes in. Thank God you have them on board for your mom.
And they say that hearing is last sense to go, so know that your mom still is able to hear you and knows that you've done your very best with her and that you love her.
May God comfort you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
I'm sure this is not what you want for your mom. I am deeply sorry, this is such a horrible hard time, and I'm sure you and your family want a few more minutes with your mom. I understand that. I'm not in the health care field at all but I feel like the best thing for your mom is to continue with what the nurses are doing.
Please let us know if you need anything else
I can promise you that people who are comatose will know if you’re there. I’ve witnessed it. They know.
I would not stop the morphine you can ask the nurse about the Lorazepam. It is used for anxiety and if mom has not exhibited signs of anxiety that drug might be able to be reduced or eliminated. DO NOT discontinue it without talking to the Hospice Nurse first.
AT this point in mom's life, it's all about her. Her comfort, her wishes, her care and everything that goes along with that.
Trying to make the 'last moments' into some kind of Hallmark movie is pointless and frustrating. Your mom knows you're there. She is existing between this world and the next. Do everything in your power to keep her out of pain.
This is one reason why we should always try to stay on good terms with people--the grief and guilt that can come when we've neglected a relationship. or worse, had open hostilities with them--then it's too late to make it all be OK..very sad and emotionally draining.
Withholding her pain meds so she can be more coherent? That's almost cruel. Break through pain can become impossible to control. We gave daddy his morphine every 2-3 hrs whether he asked for it or not. We could tell by how he was moving, or moaning, that he was in pain. Death is the most personal experience that we humans have. Make your mom's calm and peaceful, if you can.
I don’t know why anyone would want to be conscious while dying . We should all be so lucky to die pain free and in a deep sleep .
You are doing a great job , and it’s HARD . Keep giving her the meds to control pain , and please let her have the anxiety medicine as well . My father in law was very anxious and we were so relieved for him when he was relieved of that even though it meant he was no longer alert or verbal . If your mom were to wake up now she may become extremely anxious and/or in pain . Death often isn’t like it is in a hallmark movie .
IMO , I think when it’s this close to the final hours , that hospice should be in 24/7 giving the meds and care . It’s very difficult for families to be the hands on at this point . I would even say it’s cruel to have families be the caregiver in the last hours . I believe at this point the families should be relieved of doing the caregiving so they can just be with and visit as a daughter , son etc . Sadly this is not the case , unless you hired a private nurse , which is difficult at short notice .
Prayers to you .
I want the best drugs available and hope to be in la la land, instead of experiencing unbearable pain!