My mom has never driven. My sister lives out of state and my mom doesn’t even let her come into her house. (She claims that my sister has stolen from her, while she’s probably just put stuff in ‘safe’ places and can’t remember where, then claims it’s been stolen.) my husband has been trying to deal with this for 6 years and now it’s beyond him. We live in California, but don’t know if she’s made a ward of the state how careful they’ll be about a facility (would they go
the cheapest?). Would any monies she has left go back to the family? She has a trust. My mom is a nasty alcoholic, who swears like a drunken sailor, so no facility will take her without a court order. And she refuses to go
voluntarily, although she says she
hates living where she does (she wants to move back to
her old home that she sold after
my stepdad passed).
I’m sorry this is so rambling, but i
cant organize my thoughts at all right now.
But I will tell you this . Do not become POA if you want Mom to become a ward of the state . If you or your husband have POA you can give it up legally by going to an attorney .
Stop helping Mom .
Call the local County Area of Aging where your mom lives , tell them she lives alone and you can not help her . They will come out to see Mom and do a needs assessment to determine if she can live alone . This is how I got my mother out of the house .
If this does not work calling APS is another option .
The State should take guardianship here imho.
You cannot, Sister probably SHOULD not. And hubby shouldn't have to do this. This could KILL him, and you would have a stroke, he would be dead, and Mom would still be OK?
Not a good thought! Let APS know that mom and sister are estranged. That you are ill. That your husband cannot go on.
As to whether the state takes over? Yes. If they are the guardian they do EVERYTHING including manage all assets and do placement as THEY SEE FIT.
There is no argument with family in this regard. A good relationship with the court-appointed fiduciary will mean they will speak with you and attempt to place mom for easiest visitation, and etc, but it is THEIR choice to manage placement so as to have assets LAST long as possible before the state has to take over funding. However, they do EVERYTHING, and this can be a great relief.
Now in order for the state to take over there must be a diagnosis of dementia so severe that the person cannot manage on their own. Currently you are enabling that not be done.
This is difficult. We I you I would see and elder law attorney with your husband in order to decide your best options moving forward. This is tough stuff and you are already dealing with your own health. I am so very sorry. I truly wish you the best and would love hearing any updates about your decisions.
Do know you can also, if you are currently the POA, hire YOUR OWN fiduciary with your mother's funds. It will begin to eat those funds up, however.
Alcohol wreaks havoc on ones organs especially the liver, as it does the brain as well, so your mom is actually in very poor health on top of having dementia.
Like already mentioned, your mom would more than likely have to go through rehab before being placed in any kind of facility, but in all reality that would be the best thing for her.
She needs more help than you and your husband can provide at this point and it's now time to do whatever it takes to get your mom the help she needs.
And that may just be letting the state take over her care, as you have enough on your plate right now with your own health issues.
Also any financial questions you should ask an elder law attorney about.
Best of luck.