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I don't want anyone to think I'm saying my mother is lazy I know she is sick and weak I just would like to see her show more independence. I never realized how needy my mom was until my dad died. I don't know if my mom is afraid  of falling or what but she won't do ANYTHING except physical therapy only 2x per week. I want to keep peace so I do my best not to upset her because of her heart condition. But exercise and activity are GREAT for her type of heart failure. But my mom only will do PT that's it! I guess I'm just venting ....Sorry to all....

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I wish i had some words of wisdom to get your mom to be more active. I use to think the same thing about my, but I really did think my mom was lazy. I tried making her do activities she liked to make her walk more like taking her to the boardwalk for lunch. Her shortness or breath or feeling that her legs were weak made me want to push her but in the end it was a true decline of my mom. She actually did fall, maybe that was what she was afraid of. Her legs became so swollen and she had no strength. After a nasty fall with a brain bleed, she has end stage dementia that came on suddenly after the fall and she’s in the hospital on palliative care. I’m not saying this to scare you! I’m saying, I who am a physical therapist assistant, knew what she needed to do, I tried to push her to do more, and in the end it made no difference. Focus on doing things she likes, be with her in the moment but incorporate more walking, because right now that’s the memories I get to hold onto.
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My mother's form of exercise is walking to the bathroom 10 x a day, and changing clothes 2 x a day when I take her out. She refuses to do any other exercise.

Lets face it, most people can use more exercise but we don't because we don't want to. Elderly are no different.
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Lorraine it is *incredibly* frustrating! - no wonder you feel as you do, and no need to feel guilty for feeling it.

I love the idea of sort of blending more walking into her everyday, where you can; and yes do keep up the search for anything that might motivate her (my mother wouldn't do Singing For The Brain, always some excuse not to go; but nothing would keep her from the Book Group). But in the end it's her heart and her energy level, and only she can decide what's worth the effort. I know "accepting" that is a heck of a lot easier said than done.
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Difficult.

I have to say, because I'm just like that, I actually found it less stressful when my mother stopped being able to do things like make her own breakfast or feed her cat. The smell of that sickly golden syrup flavoured instant porridge, her being in the way, the little dollops of cat food gravy in the utility room sink - yeuch, petty stuff that got on my nerves... The grass is always greener, I suppose?

And, in fact, it was probably a bit evil of me to be relieved I could take over. Strictly speaking I ought to have made more effort to encourage her to continue, instead of saying gaily "oh don't worry I'll see to it."

My bad. You're right.

Used your mother to be a reasonably capable, energetic bustler-about previously? Is it as though she's just stopped *caring*? Is depression something you've considered?
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Wow great insight Mrs Erica magoo sounds like the exact same situation .My mom is the nicest person she really is cute and she's mentally with it ,but maybe she's not as sharp as she used to be. your right !nothing I can do just be there for her .no sense in arguing
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Polar bear;;hahalol RIGHT!!
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I don't know why my reply so always go up 2xs ooops but back to mom it's not so much that she won't exercise it's that she won't do ANYTHING FOR herself like make toast ,coffee,throw away her trash ,things like bringing her dishes to the sink ,maybe at least put her cloths on a hanger ,little things like that I feel it would help her but she gets sensitive feelings hurt ,so I just do it ...
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Will her PT or doctor talk to her about how important it is for her to practice between sessions?

Have you been able to contact your local Area Agency on Aging to get a needs assessment done on your mom and aunt?  They might be able to point you towards resources for their care.
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Barb from brooklyn;I am sorry but who would I even ask for a needs assessment. They see a doctor,home health, Nurse physical therapy, physical therapy assistance & my mom goes to a special CHF clinic to seeat CHF specialist also a cardiologist, ....I thought all bases were covered but if there is MORE HELP OUT THERE ????please let me know ....THANK YOU ...YOUR advice is always so apricated..
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Wow great insight Mrs Erica magoo sounds like the exact same situation .My mom is the nicest person she really is cute and she's mentally with it ,but maybe she's not as sharp as she used to be. your right !nothing I can do just be there for her .no sense in arguing
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