My mom is having trouble getting up in the morning. She sleeps too late and then misses her meals. I tried using the assisted services to get her up but she says she doesn't want any help, She sleeps to noon and then complains about not being able to fall asleep. Once she starts missing her meals she gets weak and stubborn. Last month she ended up in the hospital and once she ate and drank regularly, she was fine again.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to wake her remotely? She is hard of hearing and not tech savy. I cannot go over to wake her for her appointments and meal each day. I am at a breaking point and don't know what to do.
She is in Senior apartment with assisted services available, but it costs $500 (package price for first level services) and she only needs to be waken up in the morning.
Get a "needs" assessment from the local Area Agency on Aging. Make sure you are there to guarantee the accuracy of what they are being told.
As an aside, there are shake and wake alarms for deaf people. They vibrate the bed.
1. Depression. Is she depressed & if so, is anything being done for it?
2. Sleeping pills. Is she taking any (or any other meds with sedative effect)? If so, is she taking them too late in the day?
Have you or her discussed this issue with her Doctor?
Your mother is nearly 90 years old. It's time for you to tell her that she is getting the assisted services available at the *bargain* price of $500 per month because she needs to get up, do her morning toilette, eat her breakfast, and be ready for what her day holds. If she needs a mid-afternoon nap keep it to about 30-minutes.
She needs the assisted services to avoid landing in the hospital again. Hospitals at her age are especially dangerous. Have you heard about hospital-acquired infections?
But also recognize that your mother is nearly 90 years old and, at that age, her body may be slowing down, which is natural. Support her by making sure that she accepts the assisted services she deserves.
When we were going through this with my in-laws we played up the "this is peace of mind for all of us" angle. It took several conversations and us being a "peace of mind" broken record but we got it done.
Does she drink coffee or anything with stimulants to keep her awake at night?
Does she have heavy meals at night?
Does she snack at night before bedtime?
Is there some way you can get a package of turkey for her to nibble on before bedtime? Turkey contains tryptophan and helps to induce sleep.
Is she taking any evening medicines that cause her to sleep more? Or be physically fatigued?
Also, Beatty's 2 questions are equally relevant.
Cant' they just bring her a tray?
Dones she have to pay for meals? I'd not, put a small refrigerator and microwave in her room and stock with easy breakfast food like yogurt, apple sauce, breakfast bars, milk, ceral, bananas, juice, meal replacement shakes, Instant oatmeal. You can also buy easy breakfast frozen sandwiches or meals you fix in microwave in 1-3 minutes.
Let her sleep in.
Seniors should be able to get up and go to bed whenever they like. Rather you sleep in or not. Seniors don't sleep well at night.
You can also program a special message. For instance, my Mom would constantly leave her phone off the hook and forget to return it. So I would program the Echo - "Mom, your phone is off the hook. Put your phone back on the hook!" This was a Godsend for me, as well as the remote cameras (I used Wyze brand). I can't recommend them enough for convenience and peace of mind - and neither item is expensive nor hard to hook up. Best of luck!
Fitbits have a vibrating alarm too.
Huge selection on amazon
* What is causing this?
* Are you (1) aware of what boundaries you need to set; (2) setting boundaries with your time that you are aware of; (3) admit / clear on your abilities? "You can do it all." And you need to maintain your well-being / health to continue to support/help your mother.
- I know this is a tightrope. Exercise, eat healthy, meditate, get enough sleep. Do positive visualizations / affirmations. All these behaviors help you - and others around you.
* Are you able to be clear with your mom of what she needs and do it? or do you give in to her; if you give in, why? Are you intimated by her? You need to learn how and why you react as you do (we all do - and this is an ongoing question we all need ask ourselves as situations change).
IF you can afford extra personalized care:
* Have you enlisted help / support for you, i.e., caregivers (1-2 hours/day) to get her up? And/or ensure she eats a breakfast (hardy) and lunch.
[Note: I worked with a woman during the transition fr her 3 bedroom house to assisted living. She initially figured she wouldn't need me anymore. She soon realized she did. I worked with her for three years, being the liaison between nursing/ administrative/ social worker staff. She also had 'add-on' services. She had the financial means to do this - I realize many families / individuals do not.]
RECOMMENDATION :
* Get a very loud alarm clock and set for 9am every day. These likely do not stop until someone pushes a button.
* You do not mention her limitations of walking, etc., If she can get up and walk a few feet, put the alarm clock on a table a few feet away - or in another room perhaps. [Be aware that in the quasi-waking state, her balance and awareness may not allow her to be walking - of not trying to rush to turn it off.'
* Yes, Assisted Living 'add on' services are very expensive. Isn't right as a person ages to have to pay more and more and more. That's another email or webinar.
* If not the alarm in the mornings, someone there 2-4 or 2-5 to insure she eats a lunch and dinner - ?
* Have you checked into medication - to help her get to sleep earlier so she'll wake up earlier?
* Others may have other tech ideas I don't know about.
Gena / Touch Matters
Soon after, I moved Mom into Memory Care - more expensive, but at least they saw to all her needs without fail.
(PS - I raised a stepson that was VERY hard to wake and get moving in the morning. I found a cute and funny alarm clock that was VERY loud and was a Marine Sergeant's voice that would YELL like he was talking to enlistees in bootcamp. It worked! He got out of bred, never missed eating breakfast and never missed the school bus.)
However the questions was how to wake her remotely. Well there are also similar devices which will flash or vibrate when a phone call is coming in and you can call her and get the flasher going. In fact there are devices that will do this job for either the phone ringing or the alarm going off.
Some also suggested having someone come in and wake her and if that is an option that she would not resist as many might, why not just get one of the other residents in her AL that she is friends with come in and do that without costing anything other than giving treats and gifts like we do giving tips to others that provide a service or us like the mailman, etc.
For example, meals.
Meals are provided by the senior apartment?
If you change to have her morning meals delivered to inside her apartment, just the delivery may wake her up (hopefully at no extra cost).
I am thinking of the meals on wheels program, often delivering without charge.
This is for homebound elders. The volunteers often check on the welfare of the meal recipient when they deliver the meals. It seems a small ask of the senior apartment management. If they cannot do it for free, maybe meals on wheels can come to the apartment?
Think about it and get creative.