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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Can you move out? Put the house on the market or other shocking reaction to demonstrate this isn’t acceptable? Im assuming here that you have spoken to him on the subject. Does he expect you to care for her? Has he decided to be her son rather than your husband? Was she there for rehab and had to be released? You really need to give more informative in order to get help that pertains to your circumstances. I’m sorry this has happened and that you weren’t considered.
That's a HUGE decision he made without involving you, don't you think? Is he aware of all the care she will require, and just who is he expecting to do that care? Surely not you I hope.
You might need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with him, and find out exactly what his plans are for her care. And make sure that he understands that you will not be sucked into helping with her care, since you didn't want her there to begin with. Sounds like you have a hot mess on your hands. There are no easy answers.
Worse case scenario, you might have to start looking for a place for you to move to. Good Luck!
I have to agree. First a come to Jesus discussion. Then make it perfectly clear that since you were not consulted on this decision, you will not be involved in any way with her care or management.
Can you go and visit some friends for a week or two? Let him see what this is like doing it all on his own.
My father used to bring his mother up for visits (my mother was consulted first) then disappear and leave entertaining her to us. He got one heck of a shock when he was left alone with her for a weekend.
Move out. Either temporarily or for good. You say he did this without your permission. Did he do it for any stated reasons? Does he intend to do the care for his mother? That is to say, did you speak about this, or did he simply do it. Myself, I would have emptied out a few accounts and be in a motel on day one. I figure on day 7 he would understand what he is dealing with.
When did it happen? If just recently, how is it going? Who is doing the care? What are your relations like with your husband, and in the past with your MIL? How angry are you? Are you considering the end of your marriage (many people would)?
This sounds absolutely appalling, but please give more information if you want suggestions that might actually help.
I hate that you are experiencing this because I know it has to be very difficult. I would not start a discussion with him because he did not consult with you prior to moving his mother in so it appears that he doesn't need your assistance. Sometimes action speaks louder than words. I would be unavailable to care for his mother, I would remain in the home and continue to live my life just as if she isn't there. If I cooked I would make sure that I prepare enough for her but he would need to fix her plate and feed her if that is required. He would also be responsible for all of her other daily care. If he asked me why I am not assisting I would tell him I thought you were hiring an aide to do all of these things because I was never consulted. I pray that this works out for you.
Is this going to be permanent? Is he trying to save his inheritance? My Aunt's husband brought his Mom back to their home. She had a brain tumor and bedridden. My Aunt had 3 children, the youngest a baby. He expected my Aunt to care for her. Didn't happen. He eventually had to place Mom.
Boundries now! He brought her home, he does the caregiving, toileting and all. For me, this shows no respect for you. If Moms, 87 you are in your 60s? Both are seniors. If you don't mind helping, just make sure he does most of the work. To the point you carry on as usual. If u lunch with the girls, continue to lunch with the girls. He allows Mom to sit in "it" waiting for u to come home. Nope, he needs to see to her, he wants her to live with him. Its not your mother.
My first thought was that I certainly hope your husband is crystal clear on what exact, specific type(s) of care his mom needs. Can he provide that care? Is he anticipating help from you or from others? Maybe she seemed OK while living in the controlled environment of the NH, but is really not OK to live elsewhere? I'm concerned for her safety/care and whether or not your husband is being realistic about this. I'm also concerned about your well-being since it does not sound like there was a discussion (including a mutually-agreeable solution) about this. Your husband is intending this to be permanent?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Im assuming here that you have spoken to him on the subject. Does he expect you to care for her? Has he decided to be her son rather than your husband?
Was she there for rehab and had to be released?
You really need to give more informative in order to get help that pertains to your circumstances. I’m sorry this has happened and that you weren’t considered.
You might need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with him, and find out exactly what his plans are for her care. And make sure that he understands that you will not be sucked into helping with her care, since you didn't want her there to begin with. Sounds like you have a hot mess on your hands. There are no easy answers.
Worse case scenario, you might have to start looking for a place for you to move to. Good Luck!
Can you go and visit some friends for a week or two? Let him see what this is like doing it all on his own.
My father used to bring his mother up for visits (my mother was consulted first) then disappear and leave entertaining her to us. He got one heck of a shock when he was left alone with her for a weekend.
You say he did this without your permission.
Did he do it for any stated reasons?
Does he intend to do the care for his mother?
That is to say, did you speak about this, or did he simply do it.
Myself, I would have emptied out a few accounts and be in a motel on day one. I figure on day 7 he would understand what he is dealing with.
This sounds absolutely appalling, but please give more information if you want suggestions that might actually help.
If he insists, then a caregiver needs to be hired, so you are not the one doing it.
Boundries now! He brought her home, he does the caregiving, toileting and all. For me, this shows no respect for you. If Moms, 87 you are in your 60s? Both are seniors. If you don't mind helping, just make sure he does most of the work. To the point you carry on as usual. If u lunch with the girls, continue to lunch with the girls. He allows Mom to sit in "it" waiting for u to come home. Nope, he needs to see to her, he wants her to live with him. Its not your mother.