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Explaining the why and how of this condom catheter is pointless. He does not have any short term memory at all. He does not object to me putting it on him and hooking the tube to the collection bag, but it’s meaningless to him. Not sure how he gets it off so easily because when we first started with this there was no problem except removing the condom in the morning. I had to buy a special adhesive remover and even with that it was a challenge. So here we are going through 3 condoms a night but still having wet sheets, waterproof pads, blanket and even pillows every morning. I’m at my wits end.

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I posted on your other thread. I’m so sorry that you are going through this nightmare.

I responded here so someone will see your posting and reply to your request for help.
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You can have his urologist put in a permanent catheter. It's called a supra pubic catheter, and he won't be able to pull it out.
My late husband was very incontinent and after trying all the bladder spasm medications and even having Botox put in his bladder he still was. So his urologist recommended that he get the supra pubic catheter, which was a Godsend as we were both finally able to sleep through the night and I only had to empty his catheter bag twice a day.
But until then make sure he still wears his Depends, and you have waterproof pads under him that are large enough to keep the sheets at least dry.

You obviously are taking on way more than you can handle. I read your other post as well and it's time to look for another memory care facility that will be able to handle him. There are several different medications that can be given for his aggression. Your husband is not the first person that these places have had to deal with that have aggression.
There are places out there that will take him, so don't stop looking. Have a social worker help you in your search if needed.
I wish you the best in finding the right facility for him.
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You can purchase anti-strip clothing so that he can't get at it to take it off.

https://www.silverts.com/all-adaptive/pants/alzheimer-s-jumpsuits

Or, have him just use disposable briefs plus the anti-strip clothing. Whatever doesn't exhaust you!
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This is a situation that causes caregivers to find a facility where husband can be cared for by professionals 24/7. You need to find one before this caregiving gig ruins your health and/or kills you.

Very sorry, and it's sad.
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The OP has another thread where she explains her situation further. It’s a tragic situation. Please read it.
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betskand May 2023
How do I find the other thread? I'm very interested in this. I have a friend whose mother has been "invited to leave" several facilities because she pull off her colostomy bag and sprays the contents on people and furniture...
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I think Gleaton777's suggestion is a great one to try first.

I don't have experience with a condom catheter yet, but here are the products I have found to help with incontinence especially at night....

Briefs: Tranquility Overnight are excellent. Tranquility also offers a booster pad to place inside it for extra absorption. I use the overnights even in the daytime with the booster pad when we leave the house. You can purchase samples.

https://tranquilityproducts.com/product/tranquility-premium-overnight-disposable-absorbent-underwear-dau/
https://tranquilityproducts.com/product/tranquility-topliner-booster-pad/

Bed Pad: The Fusion Bed Pad is excellent. I got my first ones from my sister when her husband died. She had gotten them from an online neighborhood site. I was not impressed but decided to try one. It is by far better than any disposable or quilted pad. The website has videos showing the comparison. There have been mornings I actually had to place my hand on it to see that it was wet.

https://www.mipinc.com/products/categories/underpads/patient-care-underpads/fusion%C2%AE-underpads.html?classid=75&searchString=pad
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southiebella May 2023
100%. Same thing for my mother. She wears the Aways Discreet adult pullups and I keep an overnight pad (they're huge) inside of those as well. Sometimes in the morning it feels like it weighs 3 pounds but it prevents 99% of leaks.

I buy all of that at Walgreens.

Also she sleeps on a washable bed pad (I have two so one is always clean and ready) which is on top of a disposable bed pad.

Rarely does anything leak out of all of that and if it does, the bed pad protects the sheets and mattress.
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Inform his PCP regarding behavior.
His illness may have declined to other level of care needs consideration. The night before wetting is surely one immediate challenge that the PCP needs to be aware of and provide support to you for, but there seems to be other needs increasing; perhaps you want to have him assessed by a hospice your choice for possible hospice appropriateness to admit either for home care or facility care.
The supplies ( diapers, bed pads, other equipment, supplies) are provided by hospice and the multiple interdisciplinary professionals visiting can help both him and YOU !
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Lovemydoggies May 2023
Thanks for posting this link.
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Have you tried bed pads as well. I would buy a few that go all the way across the bed. This way you won't have to worry about the sheets or mattress.
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Why fight it. Life is too short. I use bed pads for my wife and change her diaper and pads several times a day. Not my favorite job but it beats fighting.
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Assisted living or memory care? Time for evaluation and placement: do it for him and do it for yourself.
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I think it's a good idea to speak to a urologist. There are more permanent catheters. You can choose between: (a) catheter that goes through the private parts, or (b) totally permanent solution, catheter going through the stomach (suprapubic catheter) (needs a small operation in the stomach to do it). But he absolutely mustn't yank at the tubes. So the doctor might not recommend either of these options (a) (b).

I think anyway you should speak to a urologist. Other option is as others mentioned: changing adult diapers several times a night. Put two adult diapers on at the same time, one on top of the other, so more can be absorbed, soaked.
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My suggestion to you is to re-read answers to your question about facilities that care for abusive and aggressive patients. My best friend was nearly killed by her husband who had dementia. While she was still in the hospital recovering from her injuries, she was asked to take her husband home with her. She said, "No, period." (Thankfully, he didn't destroy her brain.) The hospital social worker found a facility that accepted her husband and admitted him. My friend's only regret is that she hadn't researched facilities while she had a chance. Because of my best friend's horrific experience, my journey with a husband who has dementia has been easier.
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Not a medical professional any longer, so I can say what maybe some of the others can’t - the only solution may be to medicate him to the point where he is no longer aggressive and no longer fighting the catheter. If he is this aggressive, he may still fight any kind of catheter. My Dad pulled his inflated regular catheter out. But the medication may make him sleepy, which is ok. Imagine how awful it must feel to be inside his body with all of that agitation. The stress his body is going through. You would be doing him a favor to calm him down.

The main point is that he is unmanageable, as he is. The nursing home knew that - they should never have discharged him to your house. They put you in danger in their haste to remove him from their premises.

As others have mentioned, the next time he gets out of hand, call 911 and have him transported to the ER. Then tell them repeatedly, to everyone you can, that it would be unsafe for you to take him home. That puts the ball in their court. Let them find a place for him. They have the knowledge to do so.

It’s time to put yourself first. You deserve a peaceful environment. You can’t be an advocate for him if you are hospitalized from injury or exhaustion. Go back to being a wife instead of a caretaker. Visit him once they’ve calmed him down.
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DMGStoll: Perhaps you'll have to opt for a bedside commode since the condom catheter isn't working. OR since you state in your profile that your DH (Dear Husband), Garrett suffers from Alzheimer's, maybe he requires facility living.
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I would put disposable underwear on him and add an additional pad (looks and fits like a sanitary pad) that can be removed easily every few hours. Using a good barrier cream first is advisable. If he is at the point that he pulls everything off of him and/or gets violent, it’s time to try and get him into a nursing facility. You could call Hospice and have them take over his medication and get him on something that will make him sleep all night. I know how hard this is. The sooner that you get help, the sooner you can start to get some rest. Take care of you.
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Wellness pull-ups - if he will wear them.

https://www.carewell.com/product/wellness-absorbent-underwear/
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My DH's neurologist sent him to a urologist who prescribed Myrbetriq (mirabegron) for his incontinence. We are still in a 4 week trial period to see if it works for him. He wears Depends and Guards 24 hours a day. He would have occasional leak if he slept too long.
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