He takes clothes, shoes, and other household items and packs them in the trunk of my car and says he is taking these items back home when we leave. He gets upset when I put his clothes in the proper drawers. He wants them. Sometimes I have to ride him out because he gets upset if I don't take him home. He wanders around and out of the house without me knowing. A couple of times I have found him half naked outside and on one occasion a neighbor brought him back home early one morning with just a t-shirt on. (He had walked out early that morning before I got out of bed) After that I put an alarm on my bedroom door.
He doesn't know that I am his wife and that he has four adult children. Yet he likes and knows that he is suppose to be with me. He follows me around the house and will look for me when I am in the bathroom. He does not wet the bed but he wets his clothes when he goes to the bathroom making my washload three and four times a week. I assist him with his bath because he will not take one or brush his teeth unless I assist him. He doesn't allow me to stay in the bathroom with him so after setting his water temp and getting his clothes ready, he wants me to leave the room as though I am a stranger.
He is very sweet at times and he occasionally tells me that he loves me which I cherish those precious moments.
I just wanted to vent being that this is my first time on the forum, I would like any advice on anything I mention above as to how to handle this situation.
I have found Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to be very helpful. She teaches on what dementia is, how it changes our LOs (Loved Ones) and how to better engage with them so that daily life can be more peaceful. She's very lively and positive.
Your husband wanting to "go home" happens during Sundowning (usually starts in the afternoon). Some strategies are to distract him with "tasks" such as sorting things (nuts and bolts, a large pile of socks, plastic utensils) or folding towels or laundry (and not "real" laundry but his own basket of task laundry), or chopping or peeling veggies for dinner, or collecting junk mail from your neighbors and having him open it up and sort through it. You can create a drawn plan to assemble Duplo or Lego blocks for him to follow. There is no "wrong" way for him to accomplish any of his tasks. The goal is to keep him calm and busy. Correcting him work be helpful. Asking him to help with tasks burns mental and physical energy as well so he may actually sleep better at night. It's ok to ask him to help more than once a day. Or, if you have the time an energy, you can have him pack a backpack and then go for a walk "home" around the block, talking about things other than "going home". Diverting conversation can work. Or, you can get into the car and go for a drive. Others will have more suggestions.
Following you around is called Shadowing and is also a common behavior. This one is a little more challenging to deal with. Again, occupying him with tasks may work but maybe only if you're in the same room with him. May you gain wisdom and peace in your heart during this journey!
This is a tough road, and this website has excellent articles.. Go to the green/blue bar at the top of the page, and on your far right you will see CARE TOPICS, click on that and find Alzheimer's/dementia. Those articles will help answer some questions you hadn't thought about. And, of course, we are always here to give you suggestions on what we went through.
Oh, if you find the bedroom door alarm no longer helps, try placing a black throw rugs in front of the exit doors. At night, to someone with dementia, those rugs look like large dark holes. Remove the rugs during the day.