My husband and I would like to bring his mother to our home to live. Where can I seek training to qualify as her caregiver?

IMBabci, apart from skating over the daily realities of advancing dementia - the repetitions, the loss of inhibition, the shadowing, the sundowning - slightly by lumping it under 'tragic and potentially dangerous', your post is extremely helpful in that I hope it will cause the OP to think in more detail about what she is proposing to do.

I don't know, she doesn't say, what job she would "of course" have to give up. I think it's also important that this is her MIL, and not her own mother, who needs care.

What you have done for your mother is admirable.

Blong, please don't listen to all the negativity posted here. Sometimes I think they are trolls promoting the nursing home industry.
I brought my mother to live with my husband and me 13 years ago. Its not been easy as she is an alcoholic with all the problems associated with it. While there are occasional days I question my decision, the vast majority of days have been good. My mother is safe, my family is whole, my faith in Jesus is strong.
As for training...A certificate for LPN (basic nursing skills) and studying thru Teepa Snow's Pines of Sarasota Education and Training Institute should qualify you for receiving payment. (Do an Internet search)
Taking care of an elderly person is mostly cleaning and helping them with daily needs, dressing, showering, going to the potty, cooking, cleaning, taking medications. Patience and adequate time is the most needed skill with those. Memory loss tragic and can be dangerous for them, so many additional safety measures should be taken. Again, please do a search on Teepa Snow's Pines of Sarasota.
If you are in the US, be reminded that the law allows for a tax free gift (from your MIL law to you and/or your husband) of $14,000/year to any family member. When paid by the month, ($1166/mo) my understanding is that Medicaid would not require it be repaid in the event you are unable to continue her in-your-home care. The Medicaid 'lookback' takes your provisions for her monthly care into consideration. Keep track of all your expenses: providing living space, meals, utilities, chauffeuring, daily physical assistance time, etc. A daily log and saving receipts and tax documents is all that's needed. You can also choose to list it as income (pay taxes on it) and it would go toward your Social Security.
You will have very difficult days...maybe difficult weeks. And you will become stronger for them.
The best of luck to you and your family.

Whew! While I agree with the majority of opinions here, to answer your actual question, you need to read and understand the Genworth policy to find out what qualifications they require. Perhaps an Elder Law attorney could review your MILs LTC policy to be sure you could receive payment and what qualifications they require. Once you know that, you can obtain training perhaps at a community college or university.
Furthermore, I suggest that you get a written statement from Genworth saying that your MILs policy will pay you $X for X months once you get your license or qualification.
In my experience (not with Genworth), the LTC policy did not pay as much for in-home care as for a nursing home, and they did require qualified care. We used an agency that supplied LPNs or RNs because of the level of care required.

My mom with Alzheimer's lived with us. She just couldn't handle Assisted Living. I wrote a book about it, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." I just give insights there as to how we dealt with her outbursts, (tried to calm her down) and how we went along with her delusions. If she thought she played golf with Tiger Woods, so be it. My mom was happier with us, but I don't know anything about specific training. Your local Alzheimer's Association might be a good resource. Remember, what works for 1 person might not work with another. For some things, it was just trial and error, in terms of when she'd like to go for a walk, what she'd want to eat, etc. Best of luck. I've "walked a mile in your shoes," and then some.

Blong82264, first, bless your heart for what you are attempting to do. Second, please think long and hard and review the many posts that have been shared on this subject. You don't mention if there are additional siblings of your husband who can assist with respite or with cost. Also, if the cost of the current situation for the MIL is part of the consideration in bringing her into your home. Same with whether or not you have children that may still be living at home.
There are so many dynamics that being part of the village of caretaking for a loved one entails, many of which you can have a hard time foreseeing. Even with up front agreements on expectations, years of support and assistance continue to increase the demands on you and the strain that you may feel on your marriage, family life, work life (many of us are still trying to work to make sure we will be self sufficient as we age), and personal health and well being. Boundaries are hard to put in place after the horse has been let out of the barn.
While MIL is in Assisted Living, there will still be demands on the family, but the biggest gain is the peace of mind that she is in a safe place with people who are trained to meet her needs and as her memory deteriorates, she will be in a place where she is already familiar.  Your visits will be able to be just that, a time to visit and hopefully enjoy each other's company and focus on that relationship versus the one of caregiver.

I didn't "get training" - I pretty much learned on the job and was a 24/7 caregiver for my DH.

Among other things I learned how to bandage skin tears and had to learn which ones required a doctor/nurse. Sadly, I actually learned how to bandage better than what we too often found in the emergency rooms.

A lot of "cleaning/bathing" I had to learn on the fly - AgingCare.com helped me a lot this past 6 months. I found this site when researching something to care for my husband.

If eligible for Home Health Care - they will show you how to do a lot that is necessary. And they will answer your questions. I was told that Home Health Care is supposed to teach the caregiver how to "give care" for the patient.

I never had to "qualify" to be a caregiver - I just had to be willing. I was willing and learned as I went.

Why don’t you bring home on weekends and/or every other weekend to visit.

This would be the equivalent to committing suicide...in other words, DON’T DO IT!!! Leave her where she is...Don’t make same stupid mistake I did...discharged her from nursing home...15 months ago...of course it’s better for Mom but I’m unable to work unless I hire 2 caregivers...I bought stand assist lift for $2,650 ...a reclining wheelchair for $725, seat cushion $250...you get the picture? I have to sit & wait for Mom to poop before I can go out of the house. Sometimes she has false alarm & says she has to go....lift machine gets her out of bed & into wheelchair...& onto commode.....did I mention $$&& for diapers, chucks, gloves, A&D ointment....oh! & scheduling all Caregivers & if they don’t show....what about paying them....they usually want $15/hr...my neck & back always hurt even w machine....she’s dead weight....& no vacation for me ever...must I go on? But if you still want to, welcome because misery loves company 🤪

Hi, in our family and also my friends family, we have seen the siblings
Who took in their parents to live with them .two of our friends asked their
Father just recently to go and stay at their homes because they think their father will be happier staying with them .(their father is not healthy .) thank you God for people like blong.
One other lady friend and her brothers take turns in letting their mother stay with them, two weeks for each of the three siblings .their mother has Alzheimers .

First I want to say you are an AMAZING person for wanting to take this on!

I think that unless you are REALLY STRONG this is not something that should be taken lightly.

  You should figure on having a ton of assistance, and not just you and your husband. 

If you are not getting the gist of this, you are being told NOT TO DO IT! For many reasons. I believe your MIL is right where she needs to be. 

My MIL isn't happy anywhere, she talks about suicide, she talks about pulling her own plug, she is very mobile (for the time being) and can feed herself (again, for the time being), she doesn't sleep and that poses many additional issues. She is very sensitive to "noise" including my 4 yo granddaughter who she has "threatened to choke" and, of course, this "threat" was unacceptable to me, again, for other reasons. 

It can be VERY expensive, checking for UTIs, Dr appointments, ambulance trips to the hospital, your health, your husband's health., etc. The list goes on and on. 

I personally would make a list of pros and cons and read read read. This forum has a lot of great insight, great people, great suggestions and a whole lot of experience!

Do not do it. My MIL has been living with 8 plus years. We thought it would be short term but she’s still with us and going strong. I have so much resentment, anger and guilt for feeling this way. I’m a prisoner in my own home and see no light at the end of the tunnel. Anti-depressants help me but they won’t fix the problem.

Another thing - last week mom's caregiver went to her son's graduation across the country, and she was gone for a week. My mother really started to seriously sundown while she was gone. My thought was "Oh no, here we go. Need to up her meds." As soon as her companion returned, mom was herself again. Just that little change in routine was very hard on her. I had no idea how much mom depended on her.

We moved my mother from assisted living into our home a year ago. She has moderate Alzheimer's, doesn't see well (nearly blind), and can't hear! Well, it's worked out. She doesn't want to be a burden, and she rarely, if ever, complains. She told us once that she was in heaven at our house.

Now, onto the care part. My mom requires little care which is why we were not happy paying $7000 a month for aides to administer her meds. I'm not sure how much training you need, but look up Teepa Snow. She has on-line classes. Also, the Alzheimer's association has day long conferences in various parts of the country. My sister and I went to one a couple of years ago. It was extremely helpful.

If you do this, please get someone in daily to help. This will allow you to get out and about by yourself. Even if your MIL can go out with you, you need time to get away. Make sure you have time for yourself. This is not something that should be done alone. My husband and I have someone come in 3-4 hours a day. This gives us much needed relief and we can carry on with our lives in addition to having mom live with us. In the beginning, I would take mom with me on my errands, but after she started saying, "I'll just stay in the car," I knew she wasn't enjoying it.

One time I went out to take the garbage to the end of our short driveway, and when I came in, Mom had fallen. So, she can't ever really be left alone. Her companion is much more diligent than I am accompanying her to the bathroom, etc. One does need to do housework, and you can't spend every moment with her. If you think you can, you are wrong! I thank God every day for the help we have for my mother.

I did not read all the responses, but the long term care policy my inlaws have says in large letters that family members can be trained to qualify as paid care providers by the contract. Then, in fine print, it specifies the training required (which costs hundreds of dollars) and states that the reimbursement is limited to 25 days over the life of the contract and will be reimbursed at HALF the amount an unrelated caregiver would be given. Definitely not worth it.

I thought my mom would be happier and safer with us and she was for "two seconds". The loss of independence and the disease itself, vascular dementia and a personality disorder took away all happiness eventually especially after we moved into a newly built house for the 3 of us. A move is very hard on those with memory issues as she was not diagnosed at the time but it came less than 6 mos later. Mom is in AL Memory Care and wants to move and is still unhappy even though she is as independent as one in her situation can get without her only child, me trying to keep her mind going and engaged. It was a good move as it gave my husband and I time to reconnect after a hard 3.5 years of having her in and out of our homes. She was safe which left room for us to travel, go see our kids and grands who live out of state and just be alone. He unexpectedly died of a heart arrhythmia in May and I am so glad she is where she is. I could not have taken the pressure of caring for her and my own emotional needs while I grieve his sudden absence. Caregiving is much harder than it looks on the surface. Best wishes for your decision.

Don't do it!
My mother has lived with us for 10 years.
It only gets worse and more draining on the marriage. I cannot stress enough, leave her in capable hands.
I worked in a assisted living home. We were very caring towards residents.
She will be safe and you can visit as often as you like.

Dear blong ... please come back and let us know what you decide and how youre doing.

Best wishes to you no matter what your decision is. Either will be difficult.

You have received great advice from people who have been there. I will add one thing: once you move your MIL out of assisted living, it will be incredibly difficult on her if you have to move her back in. Caring for her is only going to get more difficult. Another thing to consider is that changing the routine for someone in her situation can cause more problems than it solves. If she is adjusted to her current arrangement, uprooting her would almost certainly be hard on her.

Hello, Before doing anything I would call Genworth. I just had a family member that had them for LTC. They refused to pay a family member to care for her. Also, you can submit mileage. But it may only be for Dr appts. I would check. Good luck. But they were awesome at claims. I'd also recommend getting yourself on the HIPPA form so you can talk to them about claims. Good luck in your quest. I know how hard it is caring for a loved one and wanting the very best.

Please please do not do this. Let her stay in assisted living as everyone said you will have no life and quitting your job is not a good idea . Think long term finance for yourself
My husband has alz and only caregiver work full time and no way will I give up my job. You will be isolated with no one to talk to and have a decent conversation you will become resentful

I couldn't help but comment as this is the SAME question that I asked last year - except mine was phrased - mom wants me to quit my job to take care of her - along those lines - and after this year has passed I have to tell you I am so glad I held my ground - I did not quit my job, nor did I allow mom to move in with us. Her health is stable but her mind is growing worse.

Please, please please whatever you do - LISTEN to the comments here - do NOT quit your job and turn your life upside down to care for your MIL at your home. If you must - take some time off from your job and spend your days at your MIL side at the place where she resides now - and see how you feel at the end of your day - exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated? If she's grateful and kind and caring - then she'll be thrilled to see you walk thru the door each day - if she's anything like my mom - she'll tell you to shut up and get out before the week is done.

Bless you for your kind heart - but please do not ruin your life thinking that this is only for a short time. My mom wanted to move in with us 8 years ago - I would have been dead by now if that had happened. I'm sorry to be so blunt...but I only speak the truth from my personal situation.

MIL needs to stay where she's at.

ARE YOU SURE you want to do this? Are you ready to spend about $100 a month or more on diapers, gloves and incontinence products? Are you willing to give her bath yourself (and if you have a bathtub chances are you will have to get that changed out to a standing shower because they eventually won't be able to bathe in a tub). Are you willing to change her diapers frequently because she forgot how to use the bathroom? My mom has end-stage Alzheimer's and I can get her on the toilet and she will just fiddle with her diapers and everything else..and not go to the bathroom but will later saturate her diaper. How do you feel about cleaning up her feces and it runs down her leg and goes into her private parts so you have to wash all of that out?--and if you do not clean out their private parts will that feces will cause a urinary tract infection which can kill them and definitely make them go crazy.  Do you know how stressful it is to keep doctor appointments if she did not have her bowel movement on time, constantly worrying she will just take a dump in the office. Sorry to be so blunt but that's how it is. Oh and they will be old, confused, feeble, high risk for falling in your house and you won't be able to get them up. Your ENTIRE LIFE will be sucked up into that role as caregiver. That means forget taking care of yourself. If she is in a living facility, my best advice is to put her in a nursing home. Get her on Medicaid and do it. If you do not, you will be spending many many many thousands of dollars of YOUR OWN MONEY on her care. Now I exercise my mom daily but her posture got so bad I got a physical therapist to evaluate her walker and I got a special one for $600 called Dolomite Alpha Advanced Walker--Medicare does NOT approve this kind of walker, so I paid for it with my own money. She can walk over a quarter of a mile with it easy with this device, but not with a regular walker. As for sitters, it will cost you $20 an HOUR just for someone to sit and watch her. A Certified Nurses Assistant is about $35 an hour (hands on care) and the government pays NOTHING. Now don't get me wrong I love my mom and I am very thankful I still have her with me. Every single day I really suffer taking care of her but I know one day she will die and I will never see her again. Every single night when I finally tuck her into bed I tell her good night and I say "I love you" and kiss her cheek--she really understand that despite how bad her Alzheimer's is and when she smiles it is the most precious thing in the world to me. But I am also saying the effect caregiving will have on your life. And chances are your family will not help you. I get no help from anybody.  I keep my mom awake and moving during the day and she sleeps all night. That takes a LOT of work. You CANNOT just let them sleep all day or you will have Sundowner's which makes them extremely crazy at night.  DO NOT USE MEDS because psychiatric drugs make them MORE UNSTEADY which risks falling.  And that's another reason why I kiss my mom's cheek at night and tell her I love her and good night because she understands that and she knows it is bedtime and believe me she really sleeps all night--but I have to struggle to keep her awake during the day and MOVING. But I do love my mom and I will not be able to cope without her. Perhaps it was that role as caregiver that made me this way..she 100% depends on me as much as I do her.  that is how your mind copes with the daily seven-day-a-week struggle of caregiving.

All I can say is this: take off your rose-colored glasses and listen to the wisdom in these posts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been caring for my husband for nine years. It is soooooooo confining, soooooooooo demanding, and he is an easy going person.

If you don't have to do this, don't do it!

My siblings and I take care of mom, who has short term memory loss, and it's a chore with three of us. One of us goes morning and night to make sure mom takes her meds and has a decent meal. She is a joy to us but it does put a limit on what you can do with your life. My sister and I are retired and would love to take a trip but then you have to find someone you can trust to show up twice a day and do what we do. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have my mom and double glad that I'm retired and have the time to look after her needs but I would like to travel without putting the whole watching mom deal (I don't want to call it a burden because it really is a privilege) on my sister. It's very hard to get someone to take care of mom so we can both go away because she doesn't need around the clock supervision. If you take mom out of the living arrangements she's in now it may be hard to get her back in when you need to do so. Just visit her often where she is. Chances are she won't remember anyway. I have people that visit mom tell me that she says she hasn't seen any of us in a while but of course everyone knows better than that.

Sweet lady, you would not need training, aside, perhaps, from reading a book entitled "The 36 hour day" a resource for taking care of a memory impaired loved one in you home...Be aware that nothing you do is going to necessarily be understood by your loved one...She may well be very contrary. You WILL be exhausted and frustrated and sooner or later burned out. If funds are available, leave her in the assisted living place. If not, perhaps she'd qualify for Medicaid.. (Ask the facility to have an assessment done on her.) Go to you local county social services and present your situation to them..

Meanwhile, be grateful for the gifts of the spirit, which you obviously have: Love,
joy, peace patience kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
But my advice is: Don't do this to yourself..

Grace + Peace,

Bob

What a wonderful gift of love and sacrifice you are bestowing upon your Mother in law. If you have that much love you can do it.
Why not volunteer at the facility she is currently at and shadow them in her care. That will give you more knowledge of her situation and how they offer care to her.
I wish you the best and will be praying for you. This is a sacrificial labor of love and I believe that you can do it.
But, know that at times it will be difficult, but God is a very present help in times of trouble. And we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.

I live with my elderly grandmother and continue to work full time. I juggle being her caregiver and working and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Work is an escape for me.
It’s very stressful caring for someone full time in your home or theirs. It’s dreadful at times, giving up your freedom and personal space to care for a loved one.
Listen to the wisdom and experiences of others on this site, even if you choose to become a caregiver.
Would I do it again if I had known the stress and anxiety involved in caring for my grandmother? Yes. But watching her decline has been heartbreaking.

I agree with the others. Don't quit your job. Don't let MIL move in with you. But if you do, make sure that your husband, her son, does 90% of the work, you 3% and outside help the rest. Please pay attention to what we are telling you. Somehow this letter seems made up, like it was for a term paper or something.

If this is what you want to do, Go For It.

I agree about researching others. Know that it will be an incredible strain on you in a variety of ways: mental , physical , financial, emotional. Are you close enough that you can use her current doctors? Can you afford in home aids to help? Do you have stairs and mulitple bathrooms? If you decide you want to do this . I dont know about classes but get one of the aids to show you how to lift properly so you dont hurt your back. Maybe take a cpr class.