He keeps the spaces he doesn’t use fairly clean... BUT, boats, cars, trucks, food (COSTCO)... He lives alone. If he can’t FIND something he HAS, he just buys another... How do I approach this issue when he “Feels” the items are “worth” something even if he doesn’t use them or they go BAD, (food)...
That doesn’t sound like a hoarder. They kind of fill up any space they have.
“.. BUT, boats, cars, trucks, food (COSTCO)...”
That’s most men! Since, he’s using those vehicles, I’m guessing he’s pretty active and that’s a good thing. With regards to unkempt places, maybe, he’s tired or didn’t get the time or just a procrastinator. Can you hire a help to clean them out on a periodical basis?
“He lives alone”.
That’s the crux of the problem! Some repeatedly try and fail miserably to replace people with things. Can you arrange a date or take a vacation together? A place away from home may instill a fresh perspective on life. You can’t change anyone’s behavior, but you can avail new opportunities to them to induce such a change.
“If he can’t FIND something he HAS, he just buys another..”
If he doesn’t have the time to bother searching and has money to throw around, what’s the issue? It’s not ideal, but not a big issue. It more looks like an organizational problem. Again a maid would help. If you’re doubting a memory issue like dementia or Alzheimer, arrange for a brain scan to rule it out.
“How do I approach this issue when he “Feels” the items are “worth” something even if he doesn’t use them or they go BAD, (food)..”
How about once in few months, suggest a yard sale or guilt him into a food donation drive and clean the place out?
At this point, he and I have talked about not upsetting her. At her age, she’s becoming much more forgetful. She doesn’t drive. My brother does all the grunt work since I do not live in the area any longer. He goes over to her house daily. He cares for her meals, her meds, her doctor visits, etc, etc.............. We will have to call in a specialist! ...for her and the house. Also my brother and I both have a tendency, he more than me, but my husband helps me stay in control. Brother is a single guy, so he’s basically a runaway train!
So my thought is, I totally agree with the others in not trying to "change" the behaviour. Rather, if the hoarding is very bad, (like there's no room to move in the house ), keep spending quality time with your father listening, try to see any underlying unhappy memory/thought. (Not saying you have to be there daily, just when you do spend time with him next) it'll take some time of course.
My father grew up in a poor family in a third world country until he was 14yrs old, then he went to China on his own which wasn't first world conditions either. So while he likes to hoard a little (not food fortunately), I see that as his thinking he "might need that later", which relates to the deep lack of things he had when he was younger. So yes, each person is different.
And they do have that right to hold onto their things that brings them good memories ;) or...bring them peace of mind on other case... (even if the house is messy!)
Good luck.
Focus on your own mental health, not theirs. Because it is difficult as h*ll to Keep On Caregiving after the person who taught you how to tie your shoes and celebrated your good grades (etc etc) makes it clear that he/she values towers of junk mail & 10-year-old catalogs and rooms full of clothes more than he/she values you. It sucks and it hurts.
Grit your teeth and turn a blind eye now. Rent a dumpster when Dad moves to residential care or moves on to the afterlife.
Good luck
Bad food? Dump it. You can point out mold and even ask him to smell something if he still has his sense of smell.
ie: I have a tiny $1 Nativity I keep on my windowsill and a plastic angel nightlight - both were purchased by my mother who is now long gone but these are daily reminders of my mother.
Recycling and hoarding are not at all the same thing.
There may be a crossover when a "Hoarder" is diagnosed with Dementia I am sure that makes things far worse.
My Husband was ALWAYS one to save things and repair what broke with parts from another of whatever it was. (Bought an old car with a good engine so he could replace the engine in his car then saved the old car for parts to be used later)
There did come a time when he came home with some stuff that I really questioned but he came up with a great reason and followed through. At the time I wondered if something was going on but since he did what he said and followed through I put it out of my mind.
After his diagnosis going through the house I did wonder what he had been doing. A lot of purchases had been made without my knowledge and I wondered how long it had been going on.
So there is a fine line.
In your case you might want to contact his doctor and explain what is going on. Ask that a mini mental exam be given on his next visit as a "routine" part of the exam. Then take it a step further if you want and ask for him to be referred to a Neurologist for further assessment. (Do not take .."He's fine some memory loss is typical at his age" from his doctor)
Make it a habit once a week to see him and go through the pantry, garage and even some of the cars or boats for food that he has stored. Tell him..ya know Dad, I need some pancake mix do you mind if I take this 20 pound bag of yours? Then do what you want with it. If it is within date donate it to a shelter, food pantry or church. Do that with items that have a shorter shelf life. Toss out what can not be used. (Shelters, food pantry and other places will probably not take out dated items.)
No to another question..how is his driving? Should he be driving? If he is not driving maybe you could cancel his Costco membership. He can go with someone but at least his purchasing might be reduced. (If he has membership for use of the pharmacy I am pretty sure that even non members have the ability to use the pharmacy. I am in Illinois and any non member can enter a warehouse club and purchase from the pharmacy.)
Many of our older loved ones were raised in the Depression or just after so they were taught that even a broken item still has use then during WWII there was rationing - if possible find out how his parents thought about keeping things because it could be rooted in his up-bringing as a child & that will be hard to change -
The only thing is to insist on safety so that used cans, kleenexes, food waste etc are discarded otherwise you may be beating your head against a wall