Two years ago, my dad had a stroke, which made him unable to live alone. He is married to my step mother and lived in my childhood home. At the time of his stroke, her children, while my dad was still in the hospital, took their mother to get a POA over her. My step mother has dementia, but is able to make some decisions randomly. We ended up putting both in assisted living, which my dad had paid all the bills and insurances out of his social security. My dad could not afford AL on his own with out the help of her finances that were being controlled by her son. A year ago, her son told us he would not be able to help pay for my dad's AL care. Which his my fathers wife's money. My stepmom had no clue her son was doing this. So for a year now my real brother and I have scraped by paying my dads AL bill. Then my step brother stopped the house insurance without telling us. He refuses to help support my father in any way, but they still live together in assisted living. We do not have POA due to my dad is not able to make decisions on his own. Now his health has declined, and we are trying to move him to long term care. My question is, Does a POA have the right to refuse care of the other spouse with the married couple's own money?
At this point someone needs to be financial representative for your Father. This, at this point, as there is no POA as you say, requires a family member to get guardianship, then manage a court case for division of assets. None of this is easy. None of this is without cost. You should have the advice now of an elder law attorney. Take all your facts and attend a session.
Neither you nor your brother should be scraping together money for the care of your parents. This is money you will need for your own old age.
I wish you good luck. This is a sad example to others in blended family as to what can happen if POA and such paperwork is not got together when one is competent to do so.
In some States, a spouse is totally within his/her rights to refuse to provide monies for AL or LTC for their spouse. If this is legal, the POA son would be irresponsible if they did NOT pursue this in order to preserve his mom's money.
Why your dad didn't sign a POA for one of his kids at age 55 (that's when it should be done) is a mystery to me.
It sounds as if it's a little late in the day but an adviser who can speak to both families about how your respective parents might go forward as a couple would be ideal. How long have they been married? It could make quite a difference to what plans will be best, especially if you're thinking of separating them.
I'm so sorry you and your family are in this rather messy situation but you must not use your private funds to pay for Dad's care. You need to save that money for your own long term plans. And this is a warning call to make sure that you have your own VIPs (very important papers -- will, DPoA, and medical proxy) in order because things can happen to any of us and any time. Wishing you good luck.
Bring your father to the appointment with the attorney. If he can't make the trip, find an attorney who will come to his assisted living facility.
The attorney should be able to help determine what level of competency your father has. This is important because in general there are different standards of competency for different estate documents. For example, the standards for making a will are usually lower than for granting powers of attorney.
Be aware that if your father dies without a will, state law will determine who inherits. State laws differ, but in general the surviving spouse receives the bulk of the estate. Undoubtedly, the elder law attorney will discuss this with you.
Of course, more importantly, your father needs financial and medical POA agents and a living will. If he does not have the competency to sign these documents, the elder law attorney will talk to you about guardianship/conservatorship. You should also discuss Medicaid if you think that is the road you will be going down. Best wishes.