My undiagnosed narcissist brother warned my sisters and myself that we would get a shock and suprise. My 89-year-old mum is partially sighted with wet macular degeneration and very poor hearing. Mum allows her son (my brother) to live at home as he always has.
He has never liked that I and one sister have POA . Under duress as he has convinced my mum we argue about the will, etc. When I visit, he changes his tone of voice so Mum thinks we're arguing. He has the drip drip effect on mum.
She is vunerable living with him but feels too old and unable to change. She is not allowed to take advice from us. He monitors on loud speaker during all calls and visits. I received a letter to say she has revoked her POA and convinced them that's what she wants. It's what he wanted and she gave into him for, as she says, to get peace. He has manipulated her for his gain. We accept the loss, but can't accept that mum can't see what has happened. How can we help her understand that this is like Stockholm syndrome? He is so controlling.
Our hands are tied now. Mum is under his cosh and fails to see wrongdoing. She wants peace to stay in her own home. With him remaining there, he does not care correctly for here. He's in bed all day as mum is too at 89, tired, exhausted, blind, hard of hearing. What do you get up for, when you're controlled all day.
If the POA is revoked then Mom is doing nothing any differently; she has enabled him for his entire lifetime, and she still is.
Unless you wish to fight for guardianship (be ready to pony up 10,000 if there will be a fight) there is nothing you can do. Offer your support. Involve APS if you feel you must for Mom's safety and leave it in their hands. You will not change Mom. You will not change bro. And the constant torment of warring siblings is likely tearing your Mom literally to pieces.
Time to offer the support of shopping, groceries, an occasional outing. Make certain that your POA is revoked by visiting the lawyer; this may be a lie.
Your Mom has asked for peace. I would try to provide that in so far as she can be relatively safe. I am not talking meals and housekeeping as YOU deam best, but minimal safety measure. Your best way of having any input and any knowledge is to change from warring sibling to helpmate, no matter WHAT you think of the brother.
Wishing you good luck and feeling just dreadful over what your Mom is going through. Remember, APS will do wellness checks.
If you have concerns about her wellbeing, contact Adult Safeguarding for your area (go to your local authority's own website and use the Search box), tell them what you're worried about, and take their advice.