I was home but not aware of what had happened. I believe he tried to call out to me, yet by the time I reached him it was too late. He lived with me for 4 years and I was his care giver, sister and landlord. I miss him so much. We were very close. What can I do? I still can see the trauma points on the door and floor and don't want to remove them. Today he is being cremated. His memorial is on his birthday October 12, 2022.
I have a friend that her 63 year old dad was running a marathon, had a fatal heart attack and was dead before he hit the ground. This could very well have been what happened to your brother. Please don't torment yourself thinking he could have survived if you responded sooner.
Try to spend at least some time each day thinking of the better times, and increase that contemplation time. Sometimes bringing up old, positive and good memories can help turn the focus from the sadness. I know it isn't easy though. I often "relive" get togethers, and sometimes even create a list of all that I've learned and experienced from those who have gone before me.