For over a year now, her friends have been hounding us to file elder abuse charges on him. He has cut her off financially, and medically. He told us the doctor "didn't want to see her any more". She is in the house alone, and suffering from some type of dementia (she is 98). He has a caregiver showing up twice a week for 4 hours, but that's it and the caregiver told us he is abusive. Last year, I sent my son out to check on her - and it was pretty bad. He witnessed his uncle taking things from the house and he verbally threatened her when she called the police. He was there about 5 months. The brother made it clear my son wasn't welcome, and then my daughter who I sent out after. He told me on the phone he wouldn't allow his brother (my husband) to come. He said it would be "too upsetting" to see her like "this". He also told me in another conversation that when she died, which he believed would be soon, we could take what we wanted. Well, my husband grew up in that house - not my brother-in-law. The house and nothing in it mean anything to him. So, I figured, okay - well, that's fine. Finally, I popped the money to get us ALL out there so my husband could say goodbye, and get his things (not her things). We were shocked. the brother had robbed the place blind. Her jewelry, silver, and even things of my husband's were gone. They even tried to take the dining table. The brother was angry that we showed up - and had several people come over and check to see if we were stealing (in 25 years we've never taken a damn thing, even things we were promised). Out of nowhere, a gardener and a house cleaner started showing up - they haven't been there for over a year. And, sadly, they're not very good anyway. Today, we finally got a copy of the Trust - but, turns out, my brother-in-law amended it to make himself power of attorney - in charge of everything. And the lawyer did not give us that amendment. All we want is for her to be taken care of - she could live another couple of years - it runs in the family. He has made no attempt to take care of her or even try to get her in to a nursing home (he uses it as a threat). We could easily take over - and get her what she needs, plus use what's left to help pay (although, she does have money). Despite telling my husband 2 weeks ago "go ahead, if you want it, you can have it, I'm done", he refused today. He said "they" (his wife & him, she who is now wearing my mother-in-law's wedding ring) had done all the tough work - and they're not going anywhere. Can/should we just file a complaint on them with statements from the caregiver, and her two friends, and my son? And, also - can he just take things out of the house? It was ALL part of the estate. I do have video of what was there.
One thing you say that doesn’t ring true. That the BIL has the POA made out to himself. The POA can only be given by your MIL, not taken.
What a disgraceful shame.
It’s ultimatly your husbands decision. Will he be able to handle knowing he let his mom be taken advantage of? Not a great position for your DH or MIL.