She has never been this mean before. She is nasty to my father and she is re-living the past. We're not sure how to deal with this. My father was an abusive alcoholic during a big chunk of their marriage (married 53 yrs) He has been sober for 30+ years and their marriage has been good. But she constantly dwells on the past and will not let my dad rest at all. He is ill (heart attack, pace maker, dialysis, diabetes) and we're concerned for both of them. When we try to reason with her she thinks we don't believe her and gets upset and says we all think she's stupid. HELP
She also thinks I've lost my mind and that I'm crazy.
Does anyone have words of wisdom for me? It hurts so much to see her be with me yet not there at all.
Thanks for listening.
meri she's blamed me for stealing her keys, thinks someone sleeps in her recliner at nights
This is a rotten time in the dementia cycle. My mom accused me of awful things too, (wanting to molest her, stealing her money and items, hitting her and throwing her on the floor, etc.). I thought I'd loose my mind. She was so mean and hateful that I had no idea what to do. I am her daughter and the only child too. I was able to have a will drawn up while she was only partially affected by the dementia and I became her Power of Attorney. Also, she put me on her bank accounts so I could pay the bills but also for making financial decisions down the road. With those two things in place, I've been able to help her with her life since progressing with the dementia.
All I can say is that this phase won't last forever. I had to finally put my mother in a memory care facility due to out of control confusion (wrapping up the phone in sheets and putting it in the closet, going down to breakfast at 3 am, etc.). The first few months in the memory care facility were h*ll for both of us. She became physically violent and hit and scratched me and also started urinating on the floor. The staff reassured me that it was normal and to leave her alone for a couple of weeks. She is now on an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication and is much more calm. She has also progressed to the next stage where there is not as much anxiety or frustration.
Have your mom's doctor examine her and write a letter of incompetence. Then consult an elder law attorney to find out what your rights are and what you can do for her. Look for a memory care facility for her. It doesn't get better, it only gets worse. Don't wait till the last minute to find out what your options are, like I did. (I was in denial.)
Remember, she doesn't want to be this way but the disease eats the brain and they are completely altered in their thought process. Use this board for information and support. Good luck and God bless you both.
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