She can't remember how often they go or how many times she takes out her limit of $300. There is a POA drawn up but she refuses to sign stating she's not ready to lose control and she'll spend till she can't. She's currently living with her husband, also a compulsive gambler..What's my next step?
If your mother is legally competent, she can make her own choices, poor as they are. But if there is no money left for her care, that doesn't mean that YOU have to take her in.
She told me in no uncertain terms that it was her money and she could spend it anyway she chose.
Sometimes you just have to pick your battles. Since I never worried about receiving any inheritance, I really didn't care what she did with her money - I only hated the thought she might be getting scammed. I had to accept that she was happy spending her money - and since she didn't need me to spend mine on her, I decided it wasn't worth the fight.
She's not dipping into her savings, the POA makes sure of that, she's on a pretty tight budget and she does respect that--but the garbage she buys. Nothing has any value and when she passes, it will all be junked.
If your mom enjoys this, and she isn't "losing the farm" literally and figuratively, as annoying as it is to you, just let her be.
Perhaps you can surreptitiously check on the status of the land and make sure she hasn't mortgaged it to pay for her gambling. If so, I'd be concerned, but only for mom's future financial security. Kids really should not plan on inheriting anything from their parents. But you don't want them destitute due to their own ignorance, either.
If she hasn't been diagnosed, it would be a good idea to get her and even her husband evaluated. If they're both competent, there's really not a whole lot you can do if they want to spend themselves broke and not think of their future. If they're competent, all you can do is stand back and let whatever happens happen. Meanwhile, don't give them any money! Doing so only enables them, making an already bad situation worse. You don't want to worsen the situation by giving them money, so just don't
#1 They have a gambling addiction.
#2 They fall victim to scammers, either telephone or mail.
#3 They are OCD, e.g. hoarders.
Otherwise you are fighting a losing battle, which you will not win. For now they have each other, and wish to enjoy their money in any way that they see fit.
Do you Really wish to go the route of Guardianship, which is costly, and then You end up managing their day to day operations, and when they are too unfit to live independently, then it will be on you to care for them or find alternative solutions? You might just anyways, but at least they are happy for now. It's their money, they worked for it, and should be able to decide how they spend it, even if it is right into the poor house. You should Never expect an inheritance, as for most people, that day will never come!
It's not up to anyone else to decide, unless the parent has been deemed incompetent and has a guardian, and the OP states that that has not happened yet, plus his Mother is married, so it's up to her husband to manage their money, or not, be that as it may, and however wrong that might seem!
We can't just go around removing all of our parents power over their lives, whether good decisions or bad! We can only manage our own lives. Hopefully and sometimes, you can help your parents to see the error in their ways, but until the day comes when they are incompetent, or completely out of money, then there is nothing more you can do, and this happens more than most of us ever realize, as sad as that is to comprehend! Again, hopefully the parent will come to know that gambling away all of their money is a stupid move on their part, or suffer the consequences!
Let them gamble it all away then because gambling is an addiction, but they should be told no one will hand them over ANY money.
I know a man who hit the slot machines and won $1,900,000, but he lost his house because of major overspending and giving it to everyone who he knew. Ended up living of his social security!
ITS HER MONEY. Stop obsessing about what she should or shouldn't do. When I discover people trying to pump me about their inheritance I simply cut them completely out of my will.
Try giving her some love. Most people gamble because of the lack of love in their lives. Consider that. If she suffers ill health and doesn't have the money to pay for her care, she knows that.
Fact is, elders are taken care of and not thrown in the street. She probably wouldn't want you taking care of her. Reading your
letters carefully it seems to me you are more concerned about money than her enjoying herself at this stage of her life. Believe me she is fully aware, even if she has some Dementia or Alzheimers, of the attitude of her children and those who hope to
inherit. Back off and give her some space and latitude to live her
life the way SHE wants.
won't feel so bad. Pretend she is a naughty child!