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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I can understand that. Mthr is in a memory care and does not recognize me. I believe she's not in there anymore, and I'm pretty much over it. I think your reluctance to call her mom is a recognition that that shell is not really your mom anymore, mentally and physically. I think you have grieved that and are over it too. Going to see her is a huge gift to her no matter what you call her. Hugs!
Yes, Mom, before the stroke, well-read, vibrant, active, a daily dog walker. Since the stoke, all she can do is scoot backwards in a wheelchair, barely using her left arm and leg. She doesn't seem to try to communicate except through yelling or hand gestures.
I’m sorry that this must be a very sad time for you as well as your Mom. Do you think she understands or recognizes that you’re there? I’m unsure why you have this hesitancy to call her Mom, but I’ve heard that hearing is one of the last senses to go, so she may be able to recognize your voice, regardless of what you call her. My mom is blind and has dementia, but she still recognizes my voice. So I guess my question is do you not want to speak the word “mom” out of sadness, or do you not want her to acknowledge you're there as her daughter at all?
Mom seems to have an awareness about me, as her daughter, when she sees me but since she's unable to ask about much of anything or anyone - she doesn't seem like "mom" and I suppose its part of the grief and sadness I'm feeling.
I wanted to speak up again. I call mthr "dear" to her face as I do my sons, daughter, the checkout girl, the mailman... maybe some think it's patronizing but I can't remember names well and it covers that problem!
Even when the boys were little, I'd go through the list oldest-youngest until I got to the right name even when there were just 3. "Dear" takes care of them all - I picked it up from the book Cheaper by the Dozen. My children then picked it up from me - they are brotherdear or sisterdear in conversation even now. Mthr has no problem with Dear.
My Mom came to live with me Nov of 2014. I never felt it was going to be permanent. Placing her in an AL was always the plan.
I am the oldest of 3 surviving children. The other two are my brothers. Its always been me that my parents relied on. My Mom had an active life. She had friends and Church activities that kept her busy. But, she started to get needy. I don't do needy well. By the time she came to live with me, she had become like a child. This woman who had been a strong person and kept her 4 kids in line now acted and had the expressions of a child. For some reason this bothered me so I would ignore it by not engaging her. I couldn't have a conversation with someone who just rambled. So, I didn't try. Mom had our old family room with a bath. Big enough for a bed, dresser, recliner and TV. I would bath, dress her and get her breakfast. She lost the ability to read, her favorite thing. She wasn't a game/card player before and now short term didn't allow her to learn. So it was TV till we had dinner. Mostly we went out. Sometimes we would run in to people we knew. Home and then sit with us while watching TV. Then get ready for bed. I do feel guilty about those times I ignored her but I just didn't know how to talk to her. Eventually she went to an AL. I would visit 15 to 30 min a day. (I lived 5 min away) By this time Mom's rambling was worse. So I would sit with her and other residents. This way I could carry on a conversation with at least one person and try and include her which really was a lost cause.
So yes I see why you have a hard time calling her Mom. Because...the Mom you knew is not there anymore.
I think there's just so little of the "mom" I know left in her struggling, broken body, and brain. I've become her guardian/mom. There's even been a couple of instances when medical staff have referred to me as her "Mom".
Hi Peggy. I know it's been a month but I wanted to respond to your message because I am in exactly the same situation. My mom's stroke was last August and after unproductive rehab and a miserable stay at the nursing home, I brought her to my home on hospice with 24 hour aides.
But I can't bring myself to spend much time with her. The loss I feel is tremendous. Her caregivers and hospice team celebrate when she speaks a few words or moves her leg, but all I see is that the woman I had as my intelligent advocate and friend is now bedridden, incontinent, and unable to speak. There is nothing to celebrate here, and I am heartbroken.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm crying "tears of release" because of your reply, you're right.
Since the stoke, all she can do is scoot backwards in a wheelchair, barely using her left arm and leg. She doesn't seem to try to communicate except through yelling or hand gestures.
Even when the boys were little, I'd go through the list oldest-youngest until I got to the right name even when there were just 3. "Dear" takes care of them all - I picked it up from the book Cheaper by the Dozen. My children then picked it up from me - they are brotherdear or sisterdear in conversation even now. Mthr has no problem with Dear.
I am the oldest of 3 surviving children. The other two are my brothers. Its always been me that my parents relied on. My Mom had an active life. She had friends and Church activities that kept her busy. But, she started to get needy. I don't do needy well. By the time she came to live with me, she had become like a child. This woman who had been a strong person and kept her 4 kids in line now acted and had the expressions of a child. For some reason this bothered me so I would ignore it by not engaging her. I couldn't have a conversation with someone who just rambled. So, I didn't try. Mom had our old family room with a bath. Big enough for a bed, dresser, recliner and TV. I would bath, dress her and get her breakfast. She lost the ability to read, her favorite thing. She wasn't a game/card player before and now short term didn't allow her to learn. So it was TV till we had dinner. Mostly we went out. Sometimes we would run in to people we knew. Home and then sit with us while watching TV. Then get ready for bed. I do feel guilty about those times I ignored her but I just didn't know how to talk to her. Eventually she went to an AL. I would visit 15 to 30 min a day. (I lived 5 min away) By this time Mom's rambling was worse. So I would sit with her and other residents. This way I could carry on a conversation with at least one person and try and include her which really was a lost cause.
So yes I see why you have a hard time calling her Mom. Because...the Mom you knew is not there anymore.
But I can't bring myself to spend much time with her. The loss I feel is tremendous. Her caregivers and hospice team celebrate when she speaks a few words or moves her leg, but all I see is that the woman I had as my intelligent advocate and friend is now bedridden, incontinent, and unable to speak. There is nothing to celebrate here, and I am heartbroken.
How are you and your mother doing?