Mom is on a rollator and has not been able to go to the store without having someone with her since September when she moved in with me. Yesterday I had some errands to run and she asked if I would drop her off at CVS* so she could buy a few things. I said sure. So I left her at the store and went about my business. About 30 minutes later I returned and she had all the things she wanted to buy and we checked out. It made her very happy to be able to do this, and she wants to do it again. She wants to go to a local outlet store and spend maybe an hour there. I'm all for it, but wanted to get some other opinions. Does this sound like a good idea?
* CVS is a chain of drug stores in the U.S.
He always had strong faith so he attended daily mass in his parish. The priest saw his devotion to the Lord and appreciated how much my uncle loved attending mass. My uncle was 'old school' and always wore a suit to church. The priest asked him if he would like to become an usher in church. My uncle gladly accepted and did this for many years which kept him on his feet and active.
He was a good man, always helping others when possible. He looked out for his elderly neighbors, a sweet elderly couple, the wife had ALZ so the husband had his hands full and Uncle Eddie would grocery shop for them. When the wife died he continued to help her husband. He walked the walk, not just talk the talk.
He also used to drive to Home Depot near his home to walk around the store. He lived in NJ so it was a way to walk and not be out in the cold and snow during the winter and still get his exercise. Well, one day the store security officer approached him and asked him why was he in the store everyday and never made a purchase. My uncle explained to him that it was near his home and was a large store so he could get a fair amount of walking in. He told him that he did purchase things once in awhile as he needed them. My uncle was frugal with his money having lived through the depression. He was generous in helping others but seldom bought for himself.
Uncle Eddie was a heart patient and Parkinson's patient and his doctor told him exercise helps with all of our health issues. So he faithfully did his walking. The security officer told him that he was only doing his job and that he was a bit curious when he never made any purchases but that he wasn't disturbing anyone and he was welcome to be in the store to get exercise.
The manager in Home Depot didn't mind, nor did the security officer and it was a safe place for him to walk. It is good for us emotionally to exercise. It releases endorphins. Physically it is good, if we don't use our muscles we lose muscle mass. Use it or lose it!
So I say everyone who is capable of being active should do so. Unless it is a specific 'mall walking group' which is available in some malls, you might want to ask permission from the store manager and alert the store security to make sure it is okay to walk in that particular business if purchases are not being made on a regular basis.
If this place she wants to go is just a stand-alone building, you can certainly feel she's okay. Maybe work up to an hour, so she doesn't overdo it at first. Sitting near the entrance, or just outside in your car, you can monitor without tailing her! "Shopping" along with her in other areas of the store can let you keep an eye out for her without impinging on her browsing.
An indoor mall, after she builds up more stamina and can handle longer outings, would be an ideal area for her to mosey around. Plenty of seating, generally a snack/food area and lots of different shops to check out! Since that is a larger place, I would probably discreetly window shop/take a bench break around the areas she is in. She might even enjoy you joining her in some stores, so she can share some of her experience with you!
When she seems able, I think giving her one or two choices in places to go or what she wants to eat is great. When she seems more confused, I just decide for her. God bless you for taking the time to spend to be with her! 💓
I also suggest gardens or zoos with smooth paths, if there are any nice ones in your area. I know this is beyond the scope of your question but I think being outside has great advantages!
Anyway, my mom HAD to buy something to bring home each visit..her room was filled with unused "treasures". Perhaps less shopping and more free experiences would be more enjoyable. Bless you for doing all you can to encourage her independence & confidence!!
I used to take him to Costco or Sam's club for exercise, helped him talk to anyone that would listen and build his stamina. He pushed the cart (no walker, no way) because I live in AZ and stores have seating throughout because we are a large retirement and snowbird destination.
It helped him regain his confidence and independence to a large degree. He was tickled pink to do it alone.
To build her confidence (and your confidence in her) do what you can to get her to exercise and further strengthen her endurance.
It sounds like your mom has had great physical therapy. She probably has exhausted the benefits, but if she hasn’t, see if you can get more—so she can continue to get even stronger and more independent with her new hip (and walker). You might see if you can extend the benefits— if they work with her (for example) on a cane. (I’m not suggesting she get rid of the walker, just that she get as much therapy as possible and this might be an avenue).
Aungment this therapy by helping her grow even more independent. if you can, take her to shopping malls and build her endurance (slowly) by walking with her as far as she comfortably can. Take breaks as needed and continue as long as reasonable.
I did this with each of my parents (since it worked with one parent, I also did this with the other). We went from bench to bench and sat down. The first day our breaks were long. I liked the idea of going to an indoor mall because it eliminated weather excuses and the surface was very flat and smooth. (If they wanted to take a walk outside, we would get in our routine “mall walk” first). They were not using a walker, but were heavily leaning on me. If they wanted to go in a shop, we waited until after the “workout.” Within weeks for each, we had built up to miles without a break. It was amazing (a miracle to me)!
If you build up your Mom’s endurance, you will feel increasingly comfortable dropping her off. You will know exactly how long she can go without needing a long break. Walking (with you) at the mall will give her more experience navigating crowds successfully with her walker.
Start with empty malls - build up to crowded ones. You will be amazed by her progress.
Thank you, sincerely, for caring for your mother. I loved taking care of my parents—wasn’t always easy, but this was very important to me. Whenever I see someone like you, out with their parent, it lifts my heart.
Having Parkinson's disease is a struggle for her. Being a neurological disease her brain will say go but her body can't always follow. I surely hope I don't get it. It's a tough situation for Parkinson's patients.
Does she have a phone that she could contact you? If so then an hour might be fine. But when you drop her off I would stay within a 5 or 10 minute time frame to come get her.
I would probably stay away from Malls just in case she decides to stop in at the next store...then the next...and so on. (Unless she has a phone or watch so you can track her.)
If not you, can someone stay with her, keep an eye out for her?
But also give her some space?
It is a very good sign that she wants to go places still. And actually
was able to ask you for that. imo.
It does not need to be you that takes her. Hire a friend, or senior companion.
A moments respite for you, because you are going to need it.
The grocery store we used had a special shopping cart with an adult rear facing seat that she would ride in.
At that point in time I could not let her go on her own. She got lost or I lost her once and had to resort to the chair.
As long as MOM has her faculties I would let her go. I would stay in the store with her. some employees may not know how to deal with her if her mind gets worse.
Make sure you put a slip of paper with your cell number and address in her pocket, purse etc. That way if she needs help you can easily be reached.