Mom's cats??

Find someplace else for your mom and all her cats to go to. Don’t bring mom to live with you. You will regret it!! I have 3 cats and I can’t imagine moving in with my son and all of my cats!! I wouldn’t do that to him!!

well all of this has made me ask my DD if she or her housemate would take in my sweet puppers and my indoor cat if something happened to hubs or I. Luckily she said yes.. or I would be changing the will a bit! When we took in our pets ( and DD took in her puppers) we knew it would be for our life,, I guess we never thought about their life.. For us pets are family. our pets keep us young, and are a great comfort for my 89 YO mom. I get the hubs not wanting the cats.. but its not their fault MIL has to move. Hopefully someone has stepped up

A lot of people are off the subject. She said her husband REFUSES to have the cats in his house. It is his house that he has worked hard to have. He has the right to refuse to take in the cats. That is the end of it. And it is his right to say that.

My ex and my mother decided she would move in with us. It lead to divorce. I left them there and never looked back. What kind of emotional climate would it be to live with a man who felt so disrespected. If the mother can't give up her cats, then other arrangements need to be made.

I vote for finding some other arrangements for the cats. I am against having your mother live with you anyway. You lose all your privacy.

Cats will be killed at shelter. Do you have a basement or they could room with the mother. Most dogs get along with cats. Cats probably have a UTI. Can be fixed with antibiotics.

" Can you think of a compromise?" NO!! Don't take the cats.

Why are you moving your mother in with you?

Has poster ever come back with an update on this or another thread?

It really depends on how much of a compromise you want to make. When our MIL moved in with us she had her own cat. I love animals and have a cat of our own but I despised her cat at the time. Mom had been mentally declining with Dementia and what I discovered was that she was trying to feed the cat rancid wet food along with 4 opened cans she had on the kitchen counter (that accounted for a large part of the smell in her apartment). The cat had not been fixed and she was peeing everywhere. We took the cat to the vet and she had a bladder infection. Two weeks later she was fixed and during the surgery it was discovered she had a uterine infection. The cat's issues were because of improper care. Mom's reasoning and lack of memory contributed to it all. Could you possibly keep 1 cat and keep it in her bedroom. I put an extra 5x8 carpet on top of the carpet for the cat litter pan and food. I also use a calming collar on the cat with the pheromones. It is almost a year later and she is a different cat and much friendlier. She sits on Mom's lap all the time and is a good companion for her. It took a little bit of time and some patience but it has come together. When cats are anxious they also pee in the wrong places. This link on Pinterest for eliminating the smell truly works. It has been a life saver in our home. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/804314814682137864/?nic=1
I hope that helps. I know its not easy but like you said - its a compromise.

Someone has suggested trying other family members as potential re-homers for the cats. I took in my grandmother's cat when she went into assisted living. I wish I had taken him earlier, when she went to live with my cousins, as they insisted on the cat being declawed. But in any event, I was able to keep him until he died, which was after my grandmother had passed away. I lived 500 miles away, but I put him in a carrier and flew to see her on her birthday, which thrilled both her and the cat. There may be folks out there in your extended family who would be willing to take one or more of the cats.

These are her beloved kitties. Best to get them checked out by the veterinarian.

It seems that most responses are about how to get the cats to live there and work around it.
I think if heatherking's husband does not want cats, that there is no way that bringing in 3 cats that urinate out of the litter box for whatever reason is going to be a good idea. Also, poster does not want the cats.
I would not do it. ever. I'd work hard to rehome the cats, but if mom had to be in my house, she would have to come without the cats. I still say she and DH are compromising by letting mom move in. That's a huge give.

Have the cats been taken to a vet? Sometimes, in fact often, cats pee in their surroundings due to urinary trac infections. I speak from experience. They also sometimes pee outside of litterboxes if there are not enough litterboxes for the number of cats. Switching types of litter may also help. If one cat bullies the others, then they need a place where they can go to the box without the bully jumping on them when they come out. Are the boxes covered? Some cats don't like covered boxes. I work for a cat rescue, so I am not suggesting these things blindly.
If these things do not work, reach out to local cat rescues for help to try to place the cats in homes. Do not expect instant turn-around, but many people are more sympathetic to your situation (mother needing to move in with you) than you might think. There are some rescues in urban areas that place a lot of cats and they might be able to help. They can also try things like isolating the cats in cages with litter boxes close and see if they still pee outside the box--it is sort of a re-training.
With regard to getting rid of the odor. If it has soaked into the carpet padding, my experience is it will have to be ripped up and disposed of. The hard surface underneath (or any hard surface) may be salvageable using Nature's Miracle Cat Urine deodorizer. It is available at most pet stores and on Amazon, and is really quite good.

By any chance, do you have any family or friends who are cat lovers and would be willing to take them after the urination issue is addressed? Maybe a local vet may have some other suggestions.

I might have missed OP's comment that included "...but occasionally there are accidents..." Can you define "accidents"? Going in the box, but gets outside of it? Goes outside the box where it sits or sometimes just pees in some other place?

I had one cat (female) long ago who would raise her butt up while she was going. If the butt end was facing the lower side/entrance, it would sprinkle outside the box. The solution for that is larger boxes. Urinating around but outside the box, or some other place, some detective work might be needed. Medical issue(s), of which there are many, personality issues, etc can be figured and or ruled out. It would be best to at least make the attempt to rule out the cause(s) before making any moves.

The line regarding not taking them into your home still stands. This is what mom must come to terms with. Even if the cause of urinating can be found/treated, just the move alone could bring on more/other issues (this applies to AL as well.)

If mom has her own home or even a multi-room apartment and moves to AL (maybe single room, maybe a little more spacious) or a single room in your home (most likely even if you capitulated and let them come along, they would be restricted to her room), this could lead to some undesired consequences. The move itself can upset their routine/security, and if their "space" is reduced, this could also lead to unwanted behavior(s.)

Is staying in her own home with hired care-givers an option? If she lives too far from your home for you to fill in some of the care-giving, could she sell her place/move closer, but still remain in her own place with her kitties and some hired outside help?

Here's a grand bargain or grand compromise that I suggest you offer your mother:

1. Mother, you can keep all of your cats.
2. Mother, you are not moving in with hubby and me.
3. Mother, you are going to use some of your money to pay for in-home services and transportation using Uber/Lyft/Taxicabs/Horse-and-buggy.
4. Mother, I will help you manage your personal affairs and finances.
5. Mother, I will visit you and your cats as often as I can, but I am not going to become your 24/7 caregiver.
6. Mother, we will revisit this arrangement in 6 months time.
7. Mother, the assisted living that accepts pets is still on the table.

Cats that pee outside their litter box have issues. Often they don't like the conditions in which they are being kept. I adore my cats and would never give them up. My husband was allergic and he took allergy shots! He's not allergic anymore!!

If they urinate in the house, it could be because of filthy litter boxes (would you use a filthy bathroom-stinky, nothing flushed, dirty)? I doubt it. And second I'd have them all checked out with a veterinarian. What I would do first is get one litter box for each cat plus one extra. That is a known rule of thumb. KEEP THOSE BOXES IMMACULATE ON A DAILY BASIS. Put washable rugs underneath them to catch the litter. I would put them all into one room for a while with soft music playing and no curtains on the window or a chair where they could look outside. Go inside the room and feed them and play with them and make them feel comfortable - but keep those boxes very, very clean. I predict within a short time they will get used to you and their new surroundings and you can leave one out at a time and lavish attention on them. I think this situation will solve itself. At least give it a try - say for a month - to start. To not take the cats would be heartless to the cats and cruel to your mother. Please consider doing this before you do anything worse.

What is it with cats? Why does no-one care about those poor mentally ill cockatiels?

I have to say that the OP said that her mom takes really good care of the cats and they still go to the toilet outside the box.

I have a neighbor that has a cat that craps on her bathroom rug. It will come in after being outside for hours and do this. I don't think that is a medical problem, I think it is an attitude problem.

It is hard to change animals toilet habits. It can be done with a lot of attention and work, but I don't see how 3 could be dealt with.

Separating them might give them a chance.

there’s an easy fix for that...Dr. Fox talks about this all the time. Also buy some PH Neutralizer at the pet store.
Do a search on his website:
https://drfoxvet.net/category/pet-care/
Cat litter box issues - (here is an article I saved might help you)
Dear Dr. Fox: When it comes to litter boxes, I don’t understand the “rule” of one per cat, plus an extra. I have two litter boxes for my two cats, but both use the same one — even if it’s already been used. In my previous apartment, there was no room for more than one box, and even in the house where I had two boxes on each floor, they both used the same one most of the time. I use newspaper instead of purchasing litter; I started with shredded and now use whole sheets that they enjoy shredding themselves. It’s very absorbent and cuts the foul stool odor after a short while.
— I.I., Hendersonville, North Carolina
Dear I.I.: I do not know from which cat expert you received this advice about cat litter boxes, but my experts are my own cats. They will share a litter box amicably and without any complications — such as pooping outside the box — provided the box is cleaned out three to four times a day.
I feel for those poor cats whose boxes are not kept clean so they must poke around in their own waste to dig a pit to evacuate and then to cover. Just as bad is having to enter a covered box that has not been kept clean, filled with the fumes of acrid urine and feces. This does contribute to cats developing cystitis from holding their urine; to urinating elsewhere in the home, which is a death sentence for many cats; and to constipation and aversion of using the litter box.
For details, see my article “Cat Litter Box” on this complex but essential aspect of caring for cats posted on my website, DrFoxVet.net.

Hello HK,
Get the cats checked out by a vet. There is the possibility that the cats have medical issues causing the urination issues. Further, in their current situation they may be stressed, and the urination issue could be ameliorated with diet and medication.

A vet can certainly give you guidance on how to make the move for these creatures less upsetting for all concerned-including your dogs.

While I understand and empathize with your issue, please consider that the cats are important to your mom, and deserve to be covered under the umbrella of your care and compassion for her.

As an aside, a friend of mine took his mother's semi-feral, much-loved cat when she had to go into a locked memory care facility. Initially it was a hassle, and upsetting to his other two cats, but water finds it own level and things eventually settled down. It gives him comfort to know he stepped up and did the right thing by his mom in caring for the little creature who she loved so dearly.

I wish you well.

I say unfair.Pets are a sacred friendship in elders lives.Let them have their cats.
You'll have no regrets later on.Please.

Cats that urinate everywhere have a problem: urinary infection, no clean litter boxes, old age, or dominance issues (as in marking territory). Sounds like kitties need a trip to the vet to find the source of their problem before moving mom anywhere.

You said that you found an assisted living facility that will take her cats. That’s her best option all around. I am wondering though how long before the assisted living starts to complain about the possible damages to the property from three cats or the smell if the cats potty everywhere.

Little dogs do the same thing at times. At the end of my mini schnauzer’s life she had incontinence issues. Their bladders are so small.

I am an animal lover but every single apartment I rented when young I got my damage deposit returned because I left the place in good shape.

I don’t think I would want to rent out property these days to people with a bazillion animals, hoarding, etc.
My aunt and uncle died and my parents rented their home out and it was a nightmare! Some people don’t respect other people’s property.

If the mother moved in with her daughter then the mom needs to compromise and rehome her kitties. Sad, yes but life is sad sometimes for all of us. Have to do what is fair. I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to want the cats.

My dad had 8 dogs when I went to rescue him from the h3llhole that his wife left him in.

I felt terrible for the animals, none of which were house trained, most were not spayed or neutered. He wanted to bring them to my home.

(I think that when you are moving into someone else's home because you need help, you lose rights. You don't get to keep things the same. If same was so okay you wouldn't be moving.)

Never gonna happen, I don't live with any creature, 4 legged or 2 legged that uses the floor in my home as a toilet. It is my home and my choice. He asked for help, I was helping him, not all of his animals. I told him that he could bring his little chihuahua that would have died without him.

I wore myself out dealing with that dog, everytime she moved I had to follow her to make sure she wasn't ruining my carpet. I took her out every hour to go potty. All of this after he promised to take care of her. I guess going outside never hit his radar until I spanked her for peeing on a rug. I still had to take care of her but I didn't have to listen to his bs about that dog.

She learned how to ask me to go out and she thrived in my care, honestly I only dealt with her because she was so sweet. But the other dogs were skittish and hiked their legs and ran from everyone, including him. They would have been relegated to the backyard and ended up as owl or eagle food. Calling the animal control was the kindest thing to do.

My husband would never allow cats in our home. I would never ask him to comprise in his own home. I love him enough to honor his rights above all others in our home. It is enough that he was willing to let my dad come, knowing that he is difficult at best.

Your husband comes 1st, not your mom.

860,000 cats were euthanized in shelters last year. Shelters and cat rescue groups should be used only as a last resort; they are already overburdened. Your mom loves her cats, and is willing to continue caring for them. It seems like the best compromise is to have her move with her cats to the assisted living facility you found. If you end up rehoming the cats, maybe going through a cat rescue or asking your mom's church(if she has one) to run a notice might be a better first step than dropping them at a shelter.

Also, are you sure your husband is on board with your mom moving in? I get not wanting cats peeing all over the house. But asking someone to give up their pets is pretty intense. It does not sound like someone who is accepting the other person with open arms and an open heart. I'm not saying it judgmentally -- elder care is really, really hard. Harder than kids, harder than pets. Not everyone has the temperament for it and it can bring out all the little fissures and fractures that are already in a person. Maybe this is his signal that he's not ready.

I recommend Robert Kane's "The Good Caregiver." Early on in the book there's a little self-assessment test that gives a sense of what caregiving might mean. It doesn't sound like your mom is in bad shape right now, but the assessment has a really good, short description of what kinds of issues might arise down the road and what you and your husband might want to discuss before you make the decision to move your mom in.

I agree with some of the others..if she could possibly stay where she is and get her assistance in the home. If not and she must move in with you, you could take the cats the the animal shelter. Most shelters do a great job in finding homes for pets especially if the cats are older....

As far as the cats go, it makes a huge difference where you live; if it is a moderate climate, they might be able to become outside cats. If this is not possible, it's a toughie. The question of mom's current house is an issue as well--if she has had incontinent cats living there, you're in for a nasty mess when it comes to moving her out and dealing with her stuff (which is probably all cat-seasoned.)
If the cats can become outside cats, you might look into a small residential facility with a yard where they could live in a cat house with the understanding that they cannot come in the house at any time.

My advice to you is to try and find homes for them now. Use your neighborhood message board (e.g., nextdoor.com or every block digest) and talk to somebody one of the no-kill shelters in your area. My mom has moderate to serious short term memory loss. She moved in with us in May 2017 and brought her 6 cats, adding to our pet population of 2 cats and 1 dog. She can't remember to take her own meds but she takes great care of her cats. It would have devastated her to give them up. They provide her with a purpose to get up in the morning and I think they are better company to her than I am!

Cat dynamics - a tough road to follow sometimes.

In no way am I suggesting you "try" to take the cats in, or trying to "fib" to mom (no mention of dementia, so this isn't likely to work anyway!) I am suggesting ways to perhaps cure or curb the behavior before moving forward. If mom's current residence is her own home, you might be able to try some of the suggestions listed here.

If cats are urinating outside the litter box, there are many reasons why this happens.

*Not neutered and/or not neutered early enough
*Urinary tract issues (infection, crystals, stones, etc.)
*Other medical issues
*Purrsonality conflicts
*Anxiety
*Access to litter boxes
*Cleanliness of the litter boxes
*Distaste of the litter
*Changes in routine/situations in the home

The first step before moving mom (and/or the cats), is to have the cats properly vetted and tested.

The cats should be checked for urinary issues, especially males AND especially if they eat dry food. Other medical issues could also possibly contribute to the problem. Have them vetted and rule everything out.

If no medical issues are found, can you separate the cats, i.e. they get their own room/litter boxes in mom's home?

If the peeing stops, it is likely a behavioral/personality issue and should be noted when finding a home/shelter (preferably no-kill) for them. IF it does stop, try putting 2 together - if peeing resumes, try putting 2 others together. It might be that none of them really get along, or it might just be one who is the "problem child." I had to isolate one cat at a time to figure out who was peeing in my home. Once I determined who it was, it meant giving that cat and her brother (who was the one I knew was "sprinkling" my monitor, TV AND the Feliway dispensers!) their own room.  She and another would actually get into some heated battles before the move! The pee/spray stopped.

I have had experience with these purrsonality issues and separating those who don't get along "cured" the urinating/spraying issues. Currently I have 3 zones, to keep the peace (and pee) under control! It meant using wooden screen doors with pet-proof screening in doorways, to allow light and airflow, but it works!

It could also be litter issues, such as not cleaning the boxes often enough, not having enough boxes or access to them, or even the litter itself.

It could be other behavioral issues, which would be difficult to determine, and should not be your issue. If possible, eliminate the medical/urinary issues, personality issues and litter issues, then document it all before seeking a new home/shelter and provide that information to the new place(s).

It means extra effort on your part to try to determine why the cats have this issue, but it would be better than trying to take them in yourself (not really an option), putting them down or relegating them to a single room in an AL (This actually might make matters worse! Although the AL says having 3 is okay, are they aware of the peeing problems? We have had to pay for extra carpet/chair cleaning for mom's accidents, multiple times, and she has no pets!!!!) As noted, cat urine odor is notoriously hard to eliminate, so this could become a HUGE problem if she moves to AL with the cats and the issue(s) are not resolved first!!

If she refuses to let them all be re-homed/put in a shelter, try to determine the issue and if it resolves for any of the cats, she will have to choose between them - keep the one or two who might get along and stop peeing if the other(s) are removed.

I will also note that while Nature's Miracle sometimes "seems" to work, I found that on "soft" items, which would include rugs/carpets, it is a temporary "fix." Initially the odor seems to be gone, but after it sits a while, the smell does come back. :-( It does seem to work better on hard surfaces, but if it isn't dealt with soon enough and the pee saturates the sub-flooring, it will be difficult/expensive to correct the problem!

If you are not able to bring the cats with mom and can't find a home for them with close friends or family, you should probably have her vet euthanize them. Please do not advertise them as free to a good home! There are vultures out there that regularly look for "free to a good home" animals and collect them to use as dog fight bait, target practice, sell to labs for testing, or just outright torture. Definitely do not post them on Craig's List!!!

If you take them to a local animal shelter, they will still probably be killed but unless they are killed immediately, they will spend their last days suffering. Shelters are like death camps. Unless they are fancy purebred adult cats, there is just not much demand for older cats.

You shouldn't necessarily feel guilty because you are taking in your mom, which is already going to be quite a change for you, but I do feel sorry for your mom. To have her beloved cats taken away, when she is already losing her home & independence, will be just heartbreaking for her and will probably destroy much of her will to live.

The cats can be moved and may not necessarily urinate in a new house, if provided with clean & convenient litter boxes but it already sounds like you just don't want the cats. I won't go into ideas for moving them while making the transition as easy as possible.