Mom refuse to take shower and claims she washes off ...house smells and she smells...she will say too tired and have tried to even sponge bath her...she is 84 years old but refuses to make care given easy...she looks homeless...we have tried everything to home aid which she cancels or refuse let them bath...she never wants to leave the house but to see her doctor or er...you cant force anyone...I have tried everything that experts have written...help
If she's independent, find assisted living near you 2 sisters that she can afford, sell her house or end the lease, and get her moved. Get papers in order so you 2 can pay her bills from her bank account and do whatever needs to be done if you haven't already. Make sure it's a place she can transition to non independent living and will be affordable. Check with agencies that know of affordable facilities in your area to help you.
Good luck.
Make up something unless you think she can check up on it. If Dr. will back you up to help, say Dr. told you she has to bathe face, hands, underarms, groin at least once a day to every other day or she could get a UTI or other infections which could land her in hospital.
A sliding bath chair with back that straddles tub may help if she can manage one. Or a chair with a back that fits in her bathroom with a tub mat under it so it doesn't slide to more easily bathe off. Type "wet bathing cloths for the elderly" in your browser, and see disposable No Rinse Cleansing & Deodorizing, and water activated ones. Fragrance free or light fragrance likely best for less irritation in groin. Also, soft bathing soap in a dispenser vs. bar soap may be easier for her to handle.
Dry shampoo for hair in between shampoos. Show her how to use it, and hopefully, she will. Someone wash her hair at least 1-2x/week; you and other family volunteers maybe. Send her to hairdresser once a week if she can afford. Tell her Dr. said she'd get scalp infections if she doesn't wash it more often, and then hair falls out.
Plug ins with light fragrances in hallways, bath. Fabreze all soft fabrics and closets.
She likely needs laundry help at her age now to keep her clothes clean. If you can do that or get done, that would help. May leave her with more energy to bathe!
When you visit, open the windows on any day that's nice to circulate fresh air. Tell her you're hot, need some fresh air.
Such a yucky situation.